Have you ever had that strange realization that
you have developed the super power to render people utterly unable to hear what
you are saying? You must have noticed that by some strange
and spooky coincidence that some folk seem to go completely deaf around
you. Hello, is anybody there, you think,
am I talking to myself? You know the sort of thing, you ask them
quite reasonably to do something for you or to NOT do something around you and
it's like you don't exist. What IS
that?? Or maybe you have been gifted (or cursed?)
by some passing super hero high on kryptonite who has made you and your needs
completely invisible to others. Ka-pow!-
other people start railroading your views, lose the ability to ask your
permission or take your needs on board. You
are the Invisible Woman/Man but without the added bonus of being able to rob
banks or pull faces at the boss undetected. Perhaps you feel like you're the only one who
buys a drink at the bar, remembers birthdays or seems to be on hand as an
unlicensed and unpaid taxi service. Feeling
powerless, ignored and downright fed up you've often wondered how "mug" or
"dog's body" became your middle name. |
Re-Gain Your Power
It doesn't have to be that way, you
know? You don't have to be over-looked,
hurt, feel used and abused or taken for a ride again.
You can raise your self esteem and confidence
and even win the respect and support of others without losing friends or alienating
people too.
Sound too good to be true?
Welcome to the world of Boundaries. This is the imaginary line you draw around
yourself which lets others know what they CANNOT do around you. Imagine that - people respecting you more,
honouring your needs and taking you and your feelings into consideration.
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Buffing Up Your Boundary
First of all you need to think about when
it is that you feel hurt, ridiculed, ignored or taken for granted, for example,
and think when and with whom this occurs.
Is it with one person or a group of people? Now you must define what it is you don't like
about the situation.
Here's an example - the friend who always
rings you for a 2 hour download on her latest loser lover when you are about to
watch your favourite programme. Or
perhaps it's the relative who seems to relish your discomfort at family
gatherings by making you the butt of jokes.
You know who there are.
Now you have to take action. Take the person to one side and make a
request of them. It might go something
like this: "Thanks for phoning but now is not
convenient but I will ring you tomorrow for a 20 minute chat"
Or "I feel uncomfortable when you get everyone
laughing at me. Please stop. I don't
want to be the butt of your jokes anymore"
Some things to bear in mind about
Boundaries: -
This
isn't about aggressive confrontation but a real and reasonable request
- You
won't be the "bad guy" for stating your needs
- People
will still like you - in fact, ironically, they will like you more
- You
are respecting yourself and looking after yourself by having strong boundaries
- You
suffer when boundaries are weak. It "costs" you.
- It
helps other people grow when they know where they stand with you
- You
must mean it, believe in it and stick with it
- You
have nothing to lose but everything to gain in expressing your Boundaries
- Imagine
what life would be like if people honoured your Boundaries and showed you
respect, kindness and consideration
- You
serve no one by playing small or the victim
 Buff up your Boundaries and you will grow
as a person and, unknowingly, other people will grow too as there know where
they stand with you. Their respect
(sometime begrudging at the beginning) will grow as they realise they are
around someone who has high standards and knows themselves.
Congratulations - now develop a fan club!
Why not book a 30 minute free telephone
consultation with me now to make that big change in your life today? Email me caroleann@realcoachingco.com |
Dates for Your Diary
Love doing business but hate
networking? Join us for a new way of
connecting with key business people in style and with effortless ease. The Business Breakfast event held on 30th
June 2010 at 8am-10am still has a few places left. It's currently the talk of the town. Click here for further details http://businessbreakfastjune.eventbrite.com/ My free monthly teleclasses are proving a
real winner with my readers and clients. The last one of summer will be on Monday 19th
July 2010 at 7.30pm and the theme will be The Powerful Art of Saying No - how to create healthy
boundaries in your lifeTo book your place email me now at caroleann@realcoachingco.com
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Other news
I am delighted to be on the board of
experts at the Bring Back The British Lunch Hour campaign. For recipes, health
and well being tips visit www.bbblh.co.uk Ever wondered if testimonials are
real? Yes I'm a cynic too. But check out my new client stories film on
the home page (scroll down) of my website and you might be surprised www.realcoachingco.com. I was! A huge thank you to the highly talented Louisa Walsh for the
superb photos in today's newsletter. See more of her unique and exciting work at www.artbylaw.co.uk |
Quote of the Week
"The
Universe if full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow
sharper" Eden
Phillpotts
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