Dear
Do you ever get that nasty little pang? No, it's not swine flu nipping at your heart strings. It's that twinge of sorrow you feel when you hear "that song" or the stomach churn of embarrassment when recalling a past event? Perhaps your mouth goes dry when you think of a friend or relative you have been avoiding or you want to do the ostrich when you look at a certain photograph or that dent in the car.
When we live with something irksome from the past on our minds it sets up a sort of corrosive chain of emotional reactions that no can of Ronseal can ever treat. Feelings of rage and revenge, hurt or sorrow, shame or frustration can be the result of some unfinished business from the past.
I know, I've been that muttering mad woman on the bus flooded with ferocious thoughts of past injustices and my inability or stubbornness at the time to deal with them. It's great for getting a double seat to yourself but rubbish for your well being and peace of mind.
But when we allow the past and its painful experiences to dog our present moment we are not fully present to our lives and how we are living them in the now. It's like booking first class tickets on the Orient Express but taking the journey with the blinds down and the lights out.
It plays havoc with your energy too. Having a lot of unresolved matters is like leaving all your electrical appliances on - your hairdryers, radios, desk fans, mixers, cookers and the rest - all whirring and blasting out energy all day helping no one and creating new issues out of old ones.
Here is a quick test to see if you have the past in its place or still playing out in the present:
- There are people you once knew and liked whom you would cross the road to avoid
- Occasionally you feel overwhelming dread, sadness or sorrow come over you unexpectedly
- Family gatherings make you feel tense and frustrated.
- You often run through conversations you wished you'd had.
- You feel people do horrible things to you
- You struggle to make sense of childhood trauma, abusive behavior or difficult people
- You find yourself running hope-less mantras "What can I do, he'll never change?"/"What's the point of going over old ground?" (but doing it mentally daily anyway)/ "I don't want to upset people" (but being upset yourself).
