The Importance of Inviting Your Child to Explore
What are your interests? Were you born with that interest or would it be more appropriate to ask where and when the seed of that interest was planted and by whom? I ask because I often meet with parents working to engage their children with special needs more fully. They repeatedly tell me, "He is really not interested in anything" or "The problem we have is he is not interested in doing anything with us." In their answers I can hear their frustration, disappointment and their uncertainty that there is any hope for richer participation. Although I understand their concerns, I have to respectfully disagree. Children, regardless of disability, have the capacity to develop new interests. Dictionary.com defines interest as those times when something causes our "attention, concern, or curiosity" to be "particularly engaged." As I think about my interests today, in every case, I owe the seeds of those interests to more experienced adults in my life. I doubt I ever begged my mother to learn to sew, given that she had done it masterfully for me for years. But, at some point, she invited me to join in her interest and she slowly watered the seeds she planted for me. Gradually my interests grew. I made mistakes and gave up and every time she invited me back again. She never forced me to do it. She introduced new steps slowly, at a pace I could be successful at. She gave me space, but was never far away. Before long a love of sewing became my own. Another vivid example in my life is that of my oldest son, who enjoys a wonderful career in the music industry. He is often described as passionate about what he does. It can be traced back to an interest sparked by an adult in our church during my son's elementary school years. This special adult invited our son to explore the career he loved, sound production. It was something my son did not know would be a lifelong interest. It took time. The opportunity to explore was offered purposefully, but without pressure or condition. Interest was nurtured. It was allowed to take root over time. It was offered on many occasions and in many contexts. It did not merely reside in my son, waiting for him to come of age. It was offered to him by someone willing to do the hard work of engaging a child in something new and unfamiliar. As the most important guides for our children we must accept the significant and sometimes costly responsibility of inviting children to explore. It will cost us our most precious commodity- time. Sometimes our offers will be declined or merely tolerated. Some seeds may not grow at all, but just as the gardener does not abandon the garden because every seed does not take hold of the earth and grow to bear fruit, we cannot give up in guiding our children to explore, to notice, to experiment in new arenas. As guides, we must help our children direct their attention, concern and curiosity to a variety of topics and experiences. Let's give up saying, "He is not interested in that," and discover the joy of watching some of the seeds we plant grow into lifelong interests. |
