Both the Bible and history attest to the power and beauty of the unique bond of spiritual friendship. But how do we reconcile this vision for what friendship can be and the reality where deep, transformative relationships are the exception rather than the rule?  

Recognize our God-given need for deep friendships.

This requires us to combat our culture's prideful illusion of the self-sufficient individual. It requires us to humbly accept that our dependence on certain people (and they on us), for the sake of spiritual growth, is indeed a good thing. When we recognize our need for deep abiding friendships, and when we see how rich life can be with such relationships, we are prepared to receive those friends the Lord longs to give us. We ought to regularly pray and request such relationships as a pathway to joy and whole-life development.

Pray for wisdom in developing spiritual friendships.

It is important that we come to understand some of the essential qualities required in us to be this sort of friend to another. One of the most renowned works on spiritual friendship, historically, is a little booklet called "Spiritual Friendship", written by the monk, Aelred of Rievaulx in the twelfth century. Aelred devoted much of his life to developing, modeling and encouraging spiritual friendships. Here is his time-tested advice on the qualities needed in a spiritual friend:

There are four qualities which must be tested in a friend: loyalty, right intention, discretion and patience.

The "right intention", that she may expect nothing from your friendship except God and its natural good.

"Discretion", that she may understand what is to be done in behalf of a friend, what is to be sought from a friend, what sufferings are to be endured for his sake, upon what good deeds he is to be congratulated; and, since we think that a friend should sometimes be corrected, he must know for what faults this should be done, as well as the manner, time, and the place.

Finally, "patience" that he may not grieve when rebuked, or despise or hate the one inflicting the rebuke, and that he may not be unwilling to bear every adversity for the sake of his friend.

There is nothing more praiseworthy in friendship than "loyalty", which seems to be its nurse and guardian...A truly loyal friend sees nothing in his friend but his heart...loyalty is hidden in prosperity, but conspicuous in adversity. A friend is tested in necessity...Solomon says, 'He that is a friend loves at all times'.

True spiritual friends exhibit significant intentionality in their relationship.