Several months ago, I broke down and finally got myself a Facebook account.  I didn't want to learn something new, and I was concerned that it would take over my life.  While there's part of me that regrets now being seriously addicted to the social networking site, I am so very grateful for Facebook. 

I am able to keep in touch with friends from my childhood and college years, but I mostly use it to stay in touch with the countless students I have the honor of shepherding.  I learn so much about the kids from what they post on Facebook: how their day was; what happened at school; whether they're in a relationship or not; what they like and dislike; how they respond to friends; etc.  One student just now said that she likes the smell and sound of rain.  Who knew?  She has also let everyone know that she is now single and being single is "great!  You get to flirt with so many guys!"  Lovely.  Ugh. I regularly connect with students through Facebook that I otherwise wouldn't get to interact with as much. 

A common question many parents of middle school (and even high school) students struggle with is, Is my son or daughter ready for Facebook--should I allow it? I have had some great discussions with parents and students about this.  Let's be real here: for students, they would all love to have a Facebook account.  For parents, though, there is reason for concern: Will my child get involved with otherwise avoidable drama on Facebook?  Will my child be exposed to pornography on Facebook?  Will my child avoid homework to spend countless hours on Facebook?  These are just a few of the good questions that parents should consider when exploring the privilege of Facebook for their son or daughter.

To answer a few questions, Facebook is now notably more popular than MySpace.  I used to have a MySpace page, but I haven't checked it since Facebook came into my life.  I have found that there is significantly less exposure on Facebook to sexual pictures or innuendo.  One of MySpace's biggest problems is people targeting individuals with "spam."  This often takes the form of pictures of guys and/or girls with revealing or very little clothing.  I have not found this to be the case with Facebook.  In fact, I don't think I have received any spam on Facebook.  Instead, each friend request has to be personally approved by the owner of the account to be accepted as a "friend."  This reduces the threat of inappropriate images and messages.  Parents, however, should remain ever vigilant to monitor their child's activity on Facebook.

I feel like I could say so much more, but I will conclude this article with some advice to parents of pre-teens and teens.  In MSM, I would say that no more than half of the students overall have a Facebook account.  Few sixth graders do, some seventh  graders do, and many eighth graders do.  I think this is indicative of when students are being permitted to have a Facebook account.  By the time a student is in seventh or eighth grade (and up through high school), many are probably ready for Facebook. 

I highly recommend, though, that parents have a few strict rules in place.  One is that their account is public and open to you, as the parent.  You should know their log-in e-mail address and their password.  This will allow you to access their account and see what they've been up to.  A warning, though:  just like a text message, a student's comments or posts can be deleted. 

The other day, I saw a seventh grade student on Facebook and initiated a chat session.  I was surprised that the student was up so late at night.  I was further surprised when I found out that the person writing back was the student's mother.  She explained that she was checking out what her son has been up to on Facebook.  She asssured me that she wasn't spying at all.  The student and his parents agreed that if he would be allowed the privilege of a Facebook account, his parents would have full access.  In other words, it would be very public.  After all, don't forget what the Bible teaches about secrets: For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. (Luke 8:17). 

If you agree to allowing your son or daughter a Facebook account and he/she resists being open to you seeing his/her Facebook, that's perfectly normal.  Who wants their comments and posts read by Mom or Dad?  Explain that you simply want to protect him/her and ensure that he/she is acting appropriately.  Then, make sure that they request their favorite middle school pastor (that should be me) to be their friend!  We can partner together to keep an eye out for anything inappropriate. 

While you're at it, you should break down and get your own Facebook account.  Why not?  If nothing else, having a Facebook account is a great way to avoid becoming old.  Yes, I just said that.  Another great tip is to not allow the student private Internet access in his or her room.  Get the computer out into the living room or family room and make sure everyone can see what's on that screen!

Thanks for the pleasure of partnering with you in ministry of the pre-teen and teenage students at Bethany.  I love what I get to do!!

- Josh Harper, Transformers & Middle School Pastor