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Welcome to the June Issue of Roots and Wings. It's a tiny bit early because of the holidays.
This issue covers a topic which comes up constantly in sessions and workshops - feeling confident in saying "No". I think it is common generally, but also more of a challenge when we are living abroad, because we sometimes confuse "making the most of" with "doing everything", and friendship with needing to join in at all times.
The end result of not saying No when we need to or want to is that we feel pressured, overcommitted, full up, and so on. We also lose sight of the things we really want to be doing.
I invite any readers in the Basel area to join me for a "Saying No Nicely" Workshop Lite on Tuesday 7th June 9-11am. This fun, informal and productive session will help you work out what gets in the way of saying No, what you want to say Yes to more often, and also how you can effect this change. You'll leave feeling clearer, inspired and ready to take your next steps. At only CHF20 for 2 hours of group coaching, this is fantastic value - and a great way to invest 2 hours of your time. Don't say No to this one! Email me on kirstin@alivetochange.com to find out more.
I hope you have a fantastic June,
best wishes
Kirstin |
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 Just say no! Many of us find it difficult to say No, even though it leads us to commit to things we really don't have time or energy to do, or which we know are not in our best interests. Whether this is a social invitation, a favour, some extra work, something tempting and tasty, a new challenge, or anything else, . . . . . YES is not always the answer we want or intend to say. And yet, we find ourselves constantly taking on more, and that can sometimes crowd out the things we actually want to say YES YES YES to. What do you want to say YES to? If you don't really know, then now's the time to sit down quietly and consider that. Think about what is important to you, how you most want to be spending your time / building and/or using your energy. If you do already know, then write it out on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere you'll see really often, especially when you receive telephone calls and emails. Remind yourself what you want to say YES to. It will come in handy when you have one of those do I / don't I dilemmas. Of course, you don't always want to say No. But with a bit more consideration, you get to choose. We can't do everything, and we will better enjoy the things we do do if we haven't tied ourselves up into complicated knots to fit them in! |
 Many of us find saying NO to be quite tricky, so here are some tricks you can keep up your sleeve for the next time you're put on the spot.
If you have a habit of saying YES first, and regretting it later, why not buy yourself some time. "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Whenever you respond, your answer doesn't have to be a straight Yes (unless you are totally up for it, in which case, give a big YES, I'm in!). Here are some of your options: Not Now - "I'd love to help out, but I have no spare time this week. When things have quietened down a little, I'll do it." This is your strategy if you want to do this, but not right now because you're already overcommitted. Not this way - perhaps you do want to get involved, but in a different way to the one being proposed . . . so, it's up to you to articulate how. "I can get this done, but like this, rather than like that. Will that work for you?" No, not this thing - "Thank you for asking me. However, this isn't something I want to commit to / get involved in /try etc. If you're ever doing X, Y or Z however, I'd love to join in!". Of course, it can be a good thing to try something new - and a great door-opener too, so be careful before just writing something off because it is new and different. Yes, as long as . . . - add your qualifiers, clearly. "Yes, I can come and help out, but I'll be bringing my children with me, and can only stay until X." We often use this method when handling requests from our children, but sometimes forget when we assume we can only be involved in the way that is offered.
No but - offer an alternative. "I can't bring a cake with me, but I will buy a salad on the way." You want to help, but if making a cake is going to tie you up in knots, then find another way of making your contribution. Absolutely no way - "I'm not interested in buying your double glazing. Thank you for your time." There are times when you want to leave no doubt at all in people's minds. If you feel worried about delivering a strong and clear "NO" message, write it down and practise it beforehand. Try to use a polite and confident tone of voice, as any sense that you don't mean it will leave you open to discussion again. Same goes when you're making something clear to the children! Or, just a simple "No I'm sorry, I have too much on right now"! Of course, I am not recommending you excuse yourself from all commitments. Far from it. I think it is important that we continue to say Yes to more in life - but more of the things that are right for us right now. More of the things we enjoy, the things we can contribute to, the things we can make a difference doing, that give our families roots and our children wings. |
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WORKSHOP LITE
Tuesday 7th June
9-11am, Leymen
TOPIC:
Saying No Nicely!
Please email me to sign up
(I'll be away Thursday till Sunday, but will reply then).
QUICK LINKS
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Sadly, I've had to say no to something that I was excited about! I was due to have a table at the ISB International Festival on 18th June, and unfortunately this clashes with a visit to my daughter's new secondary school. There was no way I was missing out on that. So Alive to Change will have to wait for another event to make its debut! At least all my marketing materials are ready.
So, if I can't get to people directly, I rely on word of mouth to let people know I'm here. If you know someone who could use a coach right now, please just forward this newsletter. Ï'll be doing more active marketing in the Autumn when I launch my new books and E-programmes, as well as a new membership site which makes it dead easy for Mums to access my coaching support direct from their computers.
So watch this space!
Thanks for your continued readership and support. Next issue out end June, a summer holiday special (yes, it's nearly that time already . . . ).
All the best
Kirstin
www.alivetochange.com |
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Dream
Believe
Act |
I'll be starting new Dream Believe Act programmes in September after the summer break. I only have space for a limited number of clients on this programme because of the individual attention you receive. So, if you're interested in finding out more about this programme, and might like to join in, please contact me on kirstin@alivetochange.com.
Anyone signing up in September will have a years free access to my new "I Coach Mums" membership website which is launching in the Autumn, and will also receive the Dream, Believe and Act books.
Existing Dream Believe Act clients will also share in this special offer.
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