Forgiveness

Are some things unforgivable?  Have you heard incredulous stories about parents forgiving the person that murdered their child?  Could you forgive your loved one who's been caught cheating?

"I forgive you."  These are three hard words for many of us.  Much of the time they are a sham and only uttered with a fake smile to appease others, appear kind or to try to "make peace."  They go hand-in-hand with "I'm sorry" (not really).  The unspoken words following "I forgive you" is always "but I'll never forget."  In many relationships, the next line is "I will bring up the topic in the future whenever I darn well feel like it and there's nothing you can do about it, so there."(1)   

Many people take a strong stance that some things should not be tolerated, lines that should never be crossed, like marriage infidelity.  Lots of people did armchair quarterbacking with the decisions of the political wives Hillary Clinton, Silda Spitzer, and Elizabeth Edwards.  They might have been right with thirty-one percent of marriages lasting after an affair has been admitted to or discovered.

So how difficult is it to "forgive and forget?"  Most of us find forgetting nearly impossible," says Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Hope College. "Forgiveness does not involve a literal forgetting. Forgiveness involves remembering graciously. The forgiver remembers the true though painful parts, but without the embellishment of angry adjectives and adverbs that stir up contempt."(2)

Notice how much of your mental energy and time is devoted to plotting revenge or ruminating about how you've been wronged.  Research shows that unforgiving people tend to be hateful, angry and hostile, making them anxious, depressed and neurotic.  Conversely, forgiving people are happier, healthier and more empathetic.  It's fair to say that we cannot go through life with other humans without experiencing hurt, betrayal or loss.  But, knowing that there are some things you can do to improve your mental (and physical) health is critical to move forward and raise the happiness bar. 

Everett L. Worthington Jr., PhD, (3) suggests a 5-step program called REACH, with each letter representing one step. "First you recall the hurt objectively, without blame and self-victimization," Worthington says. "Then you empathize by trying to imagine the viewpoint of the person who wronged you. The altruistic part involves getting people to think about a time they were forgiven and how that felt. When it's time to commit to forgiveness, people usually say, not yet, but when they finally do, they must then hold on to forgiveness."

There is a lot written on this subject and I found a lot of information I liked at one of my go-to sites:  Greater Good out of UC Berkeley.  Enjoy their site at www.greatergood.org.  Can you think of a hurt, anger or resentment that is would benefit by your forgiveness?  Are you ready to do something about it? 

(1)   http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html.  There a bunch of interesting stats here as well. 

(2) http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/forgive-forget

(3) Professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University and the author of Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Theory and Applications,

If you have a class card with me, Westside Yoga Studio is welcoming you to use it when I'm teaching.  That's right.  Come and take my class at Westside Yoga Studio and use your class card.  You can see when I'm there by checking heck my website for my schedule or Westside's online schedule at www.westsideyogastudio.net.

What?  You don't have a class card with me yet?  You can get 10 classes for $100 or 5 classes for $55.  The best deal in town, I'm told.  These passes can be used at my classes in Graton, Ganesha Yoga and now Westside Yoga.  

Thank you, Eric and Colin--you guys rock and so does your awesome studio and your groovy staff (Hi, Ginny, Indira and Laura).  

Now the small print:   My class passes are good only when I'm teaching at Westside. If it's your first time at Westside, you'll need to fill out a new student form (of course).  On the sign-in sheet just put "Cheryl's Pass" somewhere obvious.  If you already have a plan at Westside, it will trump mine.  

On April 30^th, Cere's teen chefs will be cooking, serving, bussing, washing dishes and making espresso drink in a special benefit for Ceres at Zazu Restaurant + Farm in Santa Rosa. Thanks to Zazu chef Duskie Estes, the teens will be working with Duskie and her staff to prepare and serve a very special brunch with 100% of the proceeds coming to Ceres.  Get the particulars here.  

Don't know what Ceres Community Project is.  Go here.  

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As many of your know, I am a big fan of Ann Austin's.  She inspires me as a practitioner and as a teacher.  Ann is holding 2 MORE workshops at Westside Yoga.  They'll be super fun and challenging (hard).   Ann will offer the stepping stones to many poses from the Ashtanga series.  Before you know it, you're in Tittibhasana (see photo of Ann).   

Here's the remainder of her schedule:

Sunday, May 1 - Hips

Saturday, May 28 - Finishing Series & Inversions

For more info, go to Westside Yoga's website at www.westsideyogastudio.net.  

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On April 30^th, Cere's teen chefs will be cooking, serving, bussing, washing dishes and making espresso drink in a special benefit for Ceres at Zazu Restaurant + Farm in Santa Rosa. Thanks to Zazu chef Duskie Estes, the teens will be working with Duskie and her staff to prepare and serve a very special brunch with 100% of the proceeds coming to Ceres.  Get the particulars here.  

Don't know what Ceres Community Project is.  Go here.  

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Could it be so easy?  Can beautiful, fresh cut, organic*, locally grown (with love) flowers make you happier?  Sue, better known as Missy Green Jeans, and I think so.  She picks the best blossoms from her garden for you.  She's doing weddings and special events or picking flowers for folks like me.  Find out more about Sue and her garden right here:  http://www.missygreenjeans.com/.  

By the way - the photo at the right is the bunch I just got from her.  With some yard clippings, I was able to put together 3 or 4 arrangments in my home. 

*Sue tells me that 80% of the store bought flowers are grown with pesticides (Costco flowers).  

If you don't know Scott Blossom, you should. I've studied with Scott many times and am psyched he will be joining us in our neck of the woods.  Thank you, Jenn, for bringing him to Yoga on Center on May 15.  Scott  is a Traditional Chinese Medical practitioner, Shadow Yoga teacher, and Ayurvedic Consultant.  Get the info right here:  http://www.yogaoncenter.com/Yoga_On_Center/Scott_Blossom.html

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