 | Do you tend to compare yourself to others? |
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 At one time or another all of us have the experience of wondering "Am I where I should be in life?" or "Am I on the right track?" And, although it's perfectly natural to ponder these sorts of questions, many of us try to find answers using others' lives as benchmarks for our own level of success.
Some of us look to members of our peer groups or those we grew up with to compare ourselves based on "equivalent" age or some other factor. We might say, "she's 35 and look how she's doing now compared to where I'm at in my life". Or we may look to society at large for our comparisons. Sometimes there are certain ideas in our heads, fueled by well-meaning family members or even by the media, as to how things "should" play out for us and at what pace.
On some level, most of us know that comparing ourselves to others is a trap we can easily fall into and one that causes us stress and pain instead of energizing us to succeed. And even though we have this knowledge, it can be hard to break the habit. This month's Tune-Up focuses on freeing ourselves from that impulse to compare. |
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What has comparing done for you so far?
Although some of us have the idea that comparing ourselves to others will motivate us to "catch up to where we should be", in reality the opposite is often true. When we ruminate on the thought that we are never good enough unless we reach some arbitrary point of success, we only feel bad about ourselves. The resulting effect is that we actually become less likely to have the energy and the openness we need to get to what we want out of life. And worse than that: when we buy into those comparisons as if they were facts, we are often left feeling defeated and demoralized. Instead of focusing on any pre-determined measures of success, we can learn instead to set our sights on creating a life that is based on our own values; those ideals that are truest and closest to our hearts. When we release ourselves from all the time we spend struggling with the thought that others are better than us, we can be free to focus on things that are truly important to us. We can learn to enjoy the journey instead of always pining away for a different life. Consider the following suggestions the next time you are tempted to compare yourself to someone else or to an arbitrary measure of success: - Notice your patterns when it comes to comparing yourself to others. Does the thought tend to surface in certain settings such as work events? Or when certain topics come up in conversation? Pay attention to those times and tell yourself, "Oh yeah, I'm comparing again".
- Focus on appreciating your own path and your own pace of life. Take some time to notice the trajectory of your life so far and all the beautiful twists and turns. Every life has ups and downs and every life has learning and richness. Journal, draw, or tell a friend the story of this interesting ride! As you do so, focus in on the uniqueness of yourself and your path.
- Try writing up your own definition of success. Start with a list of your values: What's most important to you in life? What is nearest and dearest to your heart? How do you want to live your life? How do you want to be remembered? Use your list to create your own unique definition of what success means to you. Post your definition where you can see it every day. If it changes over time, feel free to rewrite it, making adjustments to keep it fresh.
- Aknowledge that all of us have barriers along the way that impede our progress. Difficulty, doubt, and fear are universal parts of life. When we compare to others, we tend to forget that this even applies to those supposedly "successful" people we measure ourselves against. And, if you scratch the surface a little bit you will find that those folks are most likely comparing themselves to others as well!
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