Fear and courage in balance?? Some of you may have been surprised by the subject line you saw before you opened this month's Tune-Up. Why should we try to balance something as ugly and un-useful as fear?  And, indeed some of the most respected lifestyle gurus and pop psychology experts would agree that we must get rid of our fears in order to live a happy and vibrant life.

 

I personally don't agree. I think fear is a necessary and normal protective emotion which can help us in times of danger and can even bring us a certain edgy energy and learning from which to emerge during stressful times. Besides, the idea of eliminating fear completely is just not realistic! Our full beautiful range of emotions is with us for a reason and doing away with one of our feelings completely is just not human...and not necessary!

 

But, there are times in life when our fears start to take over - these are the moments when fear is excessive and can prevent us from enjoying life.  Trying to fight and struggle against fears often doesn't work because the frustration we generally experience when we're fearful can make matters even worse. The point is not to struggle against your fears, but to balance them with courage and to cultivate an attitude of gentleness towards yourself as you do so. To set you off on this path, I'd like to offer a few thoughts.

Do you get nervous in new or unfamiliar social situations? What about in an unexpected meeting with your  boss? or your boss' boss? Some of us are fearful at work when dealing with difficult people or in high-pressure circumstances.

 

Fear also comes up in our personal relationships when we are afraid to broach a tough subject with someone or we feel insecure for whatever reason. Stressful situations and conflict are common triggers for excessive fear.

Also, fear can be driven by negative past experiences. Sometimes we get stopped in our tracks when we begin a new endeavor that reminds us of an unpleasant past experience. We may become avoidant because we have a fear of repeating something that was painful before.

 

So what do you do when fear is taking over and stopping you from moving forward? How do you work with fear without struggling against it? 

Below are some ideas to try out:

 Your challenge for this month:

 

Focus in on a recurring situation in your life that tends to bring you to a fearful place. Pehaps this is something that has been causing you some distress. Spend some relaxed down time this week journaling, drawing, or talking to a friend about how you generally tend to handle the fear in this circumstance. Then, brainstorm a slight adjustment that you could try to approach the situation from a different angle, or in a new, bolder or more courageous way. The following week, try out the adjustment and see what you notice.