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 Last month I talked about joy and why it's so important to integrate into your life. But as you know, sometimes joy is hard to come by when we are living through tough times such as grief, job loss, and divorce. How, you may ask, do we still stay centered enough to have some measure of joy or pleasure even when we're living throught painful periods in our life?
This month in The Tune-Up, we'll look at the process of keeping a sense of balance and sanity when things are feeling very upset and unbalanced. We'll look at keeping a sense of perspective and humor, but most importantly we'll look at how to access our finest resource during tough times: our close friends and family.
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What helps you to keep your perspective?
All of us know that pain is a much a part of life as joy, but even so, when we are going through rough times, we can forget that this cycle is in fact, the natural order of things. This past year has been a very difficult one for many people - job loss, lingering conflicts abroad, and a host of other impacts of these troubled times have been taking their toll.
Even when we are not in an economic crisis, there are life events that happen to all of us along the way that cause stress and suffering. During these painful times, we may spend time and energy struggling with the questions of why things happen and why me?, but a more useful perspective could be: "This has happened. So, what now?"
Although this may or may not be a particularly difficult time for you, this could be exactly the right moment to think about how to stay in balance as much as possible during the ups and downs of life - or how to support someone during her/his tough time.
Here are a few simple thoughts that could help you or someone you care about to keep perspective during painful or difficult times:
- Don't hold back from leaning on your supports. Keep in mind that you're not burdening someone when you know that you would be there for that person during her hard time as well! Not sure if you're leaning too much on one person? Ask the question directly and honor whatever answer you hear.
- Steer yourself towards what brings you the most comfort and healing. Sometimes when we don't feel well, we tend to withdraw from everything. It's a good idea to push yourself a bit towards doing what is comforting and safe and healing. If it's a daily walk, a warm bath, a massage, or a cup of tea with a close friend, these small comforts can make a big difference.
- Allow yourself the full range of feelings. The difficult periods of life can bring on a roller-coaster of emotions. For those of us that tend to do better with thinking than feeling, this can be a confusing experience. But, allowing our feelings to be expressed are a crucial part of getting through pain. Holding them in only makes things worse.
- Levity and humor are great healers. Even when things are very difficult, humor and laughter can sometimes help to soften the pain. Allow yourself to laugh as you need to. Humor, used with sensitivity, neutralizes that solemn vibe and brings in some perspective and light.
- Reach out to help someone else. Sometimes getting outside of our own heads and into something that helps another can be a way to lift the heaviness of painful times. It may be a needed distraction for you and good karma as well. Look around you. Where are you needed?
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