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Thanks for Taking Care of
Yourself!
"Women Who Do Too Much" "Women Who Love Too Much" "Women Who (May) Worry Too Much" -- these books brought a generation of women out of the self-neglect closet. It's a movement that continues, with women now supporting each other to take care of themselves. "To give from your saucer and not from your cup," as Lisa Nichols puts it -- which implies a life in which you yourself are filled up and therefore, have plenty to offer from your overflow.
But mostly we support our friends, clients, associates, to do that with others, right? What about when something we want doesn't align with the other person's self-care? Here's the quirky, almost cartoonish, experience that started all this:
Several weeks ago, housemate, Karren Louise, came back from her walk with a variety of flowers, out of which she fashioned sweet, simple arrangements for our bedrooms. Housemate Linda loved the "purple pop" of mine and asked if she could have some stems for her arrangement.
"Sure," I said.
"Is this okay?" she asked, holding up a large chunk of my bouquet. I glanced at my arrangement, no longer "overflowing in its cup."
"No," I said to my own surprise. She put back most of them and turned to me again, "How about two stems?"
"Okay," I answered truthfully. But I wasn't prepared for her response.
"Thanks for taking care of yourself," she said sweetly as she left the room.
I'd never heard that phrase before! Certainly the amount of flowers in one's bouquet isn't the typical self-care scenario, but somehow that's what made it purple-pop for me! I was taking care of myself by telling the truth of my feelings instead of "being nice" followed by the self-medicated pill of resentment.
Since then, I've been thinking about that phrase and imagining a world where women say it to each other until it isn't even needed anymore. Here are my reflections on how we can move in that direction:
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We Take Care of Ourselves...
When we honestly reflect our feelings. A few weeks after Linda's unusual "thank you," I had a phone conversation with my four-year old granddaughter, Abby. As synchronicity would have it, she'd been out in the sun all day rehearsing for her upcoming flower girl gig. "I'm tired and didn't get a nap," she told me when I asked how she was. Then just a few minutes into our talk she blurted out, "I love you, Delly, but I can't talk anymore!" and, crying, handed the phone to her Dad. I wish I'd been quick enough to say, "Abby, thank you for taking care of yourself." It's a message I'll be delivering when I see her.
When we support others to do the same--even if it's not the answer we want. The beauty of Linda's thanks was her acknowledgement that my self-care was more important than getting what she wanted! Cups are filled choice-drop by choice-drop and every one we make either moves us toward overflowing or toward drained. How much we value self-care shows in our responses to those who practice it. The model we inherited was to persuade each other to do what we need or want-to cajole and convince-rather than trust the other person's best shot at what's right for them. It's not that we always make the best call on our own behalf, but unless we practice, how are we going to get good at it?
When we recognize that we are models for each other. On a teleclass this week, I heard the interviewer recall a time when actress, Dee Wallace, was on a panel at a women's conference. Everyone else on the panel was reflecting the audience's battle with self-care. But Dee put up her hand and said (something like), "It's not a struggle for me anymore. It's the way I live now." WOW! That not only took courage to say, but is the very thing we need: the modeling of women who have built self-care into their definition of self.
When we say, "Thank you for taking care of yourself," to the person in the mirror. Try it with or without the mirror. It's surprisingly satisfying! And it's also a new spin on the sage instruction to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Thank unto yourself as you would have others thank unto you!
Til We Cross Paths Again,
Maridel
P.S. Check out the latest "Moving to Maui" blog, Is "Live Aloha" a Bumper Sticker or a Way of Life?
While you're there, subscribe via the Evolving Journey link on the right and receive new posts of "Moving to Maui" to your inbox!
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Evolving Journey Astrology
I am happy to announce that I have resumed doing evolutionary astrology
readings on an intermittant basis! This now suits my lifestyle better than
attempting to keep both practices going all the time or choosing one over
the other.
Here's how it works:
and check out the various kinds and lengths of readings available.
2. Fill out the form on the "Contact" page, including your choice and length
of reading. I will email you back with an approximate date for your
reading and to make payment arrangements. Once on my reading
roster, you are guaranteed a reading before I go into "astro haitus" again.
3. New technology for reading delivery. Conquering my techno resistance
at last, I said goodbye to my faithful tape recorder of fifteen years! I am now
recording readings directly on my computer, allowing you to receive yours
as an MP3 format you can listen to on your computer or download onto your
iPod! Other formats are also available if you prefer.
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� 2009 Evolving Journey. All Rights Reserved. Contact Maridel Bowes at maridelbowes@gmail.com.
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