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I made a journey into "The City" this week with my marketer, Michelle, and her business partner, Michele (Widely known as "2L" and "1L"). I was looking forward to this venture with my friends, but concerned that my "Ex" might join us and take over -- and by that, I don't mean the dear man with whom I spent 27 years and share two precious sons. I mean the other Ex: the woman who, for so long, I confused with my true and complete self.
My Ex isn't a bad sort. In fact, I love her a lot. She's been a purveyor of depth, insight and soulfulness. It's just that she had me convinced she was the whole of me. Introverted and perpetually decorous, social situations not of her own creating made her uncomfortable--and people she perceived as "bigger" than her, made her shrink with self-consciousness. She's always played in her own backyard because the big, wide world was too threatening.
I'd spent the last year discovering that my Ex was not, in fact, all there is to me. I've started to relax in groups of people I don't know, intermingle with confidence, edit myself less and enjoy a new calm. But now I was leaving for San Freakin' Cisco with the bright and bold Michel(l)es -- a pair of big dreamers and shiny personas. City girls with synergy aplenty! Would my Ex emerge causing me to play it small with the big girls in the city by the sea?
She indeed come along, intrinsic part of me that she is, but I think she slept through it--no doubt exhausted from having to be the front woman for my whole self all these years. "Dang!" she probably thought, "She finally showed up in the clutch!"
I guessing that I'm not the only who's discovering unlived selves inside my own skin. Yours are no doubt different than mine, but I'm fairly certain they share some commonalities. So let's look together at some things that keep us smaller than our whole and holy selves.
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Judging Our Former Selves. A few years ago my son, Gavin, recognized a habit of judging his "former selves." What was I thinking? I used to believe that? And I thought I was so spiritual/mature/insightful back then! (Warning: If you keep journals, reviewing them can bring on a serious case of this past-self pox.) It occurred to Gavin that in judging all those previous incarnations of himself, he would soon be doing the same with his current one! When we judge our best efforts of the past, we undermine the contribution of every stage of our evolution, creating a climate that keeps us small--and in perpetual judgment. Better to respect our exes for their contribution to the whole and find a home for them within our expanded selves.
Authenticity Redux. Whenever we dial back on our authenticity, we ourselves "die back" a little. But when we increase our authenticity -- that is, speak and act in accordance with our own truth -- we increase our wholeness.
One of our stops in the city last week was to visit "The Bright Side of Life," a gathering for women where Michelle was the guest speaker for the evening. In a bold act of authentic passion revealed, she put down her notes part way through her talk and spoke as if to each woman in the room, directly and fiercely from her heart. You could feel the women respond to her shift, galvanized by her suddenly magnetic message. This triumph was immediately followed by Sahar, the group's director, sharing the essence of her life story--from a chronic experience of "never belonging anywhere" to belonging deeply to herself and her dreams.
The evening was a watershed moment not only for Michelle and Sahar, but for me. Emboldened by their authenticity, I did something I would have shrunk from in the past--hoping instead that Michelle would do it for me. I approached Sahar with the intent of asking be a speaker at "Bright Side" in the future. But I didn't get the chance. As we conversed about the power of the evening's experience, she smiled at me and asked, "Would you like to come back as a speaker?" I assured her I would. I felt my Ex smile and roll over in her sleep.
Whatever form authenticity takes, it always ensures that our unlived lives just took another step out of the shadows.
Keeping Our Juiciest Selves a Secret. We all have juicy selves that have found refuge in the trunks and barrels of our psyches. You know how it is going through the stash of old stowaways: you run across things you once loved so much and say, "Oh, "I forgot about this!"
Keeping our juiciest selves a secret keeps us small--and worse yet, predictable. This week in the city, I surprised my traveling companions with a few "un-Maridellian" retorts. They seemed perfectly natural to me as I've been hearing such things in my head for years, but limited their exposure to a thimbleful of people. In business, we often hear the phrase, "showing up" -- usually tied to being physically present and/or fully engaged. But I think only we know when we've really showed up in our lives--and I suspect it has to do with letting our juiciest selves out to play.
By the time I said goodbye to the Ls, I knew my metro overnight was just the first stop on a tour of new places in the world and in myself--a tour that isn't just about books and speaking. In fact, a tour that isn't about books and speaking at all. Those things are for me, like others are for you, merely the vehicles for the real journey: becoming free to live our wholeness in all its blessed complexity--and inspire others to do the same.
Til We Cross Paths Again,
Maridel
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Grandma's Getting Closer!
 You'll soon be receiving your official invitations to The Grandma Book Launch -- via Evite or postcard. Maybe both! And if you have any visions of a book launch party as a stuffy affair with a roomful of talking heads, let me relieve you of that image.
Grandma's House, the mansion on the Diamond K Estate grounds, is going to rock with great music, chosen especially for the occasion by Johnnieray - a DJ who enlivens every occasion with his spirit, his dancing and his love of a good time. There will also be good food, a champagne toast, a funny book reading and I assure you, my juiciest self will be out -- especially about 7 o'clock when "Grandma" boogies down to celebrate her brand new book!!
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But That's Not All!
I'll be chewing metaphorical Juicy Fruit all week -- preparing to explore "Our Juiciest Selves" more deeply in next week's issue of BTNA.
How can we recognize those juicy selves? Draw them out into expression? How can they change our daily lives into Juicy Living?
To sign up for But That's Not All, click here!
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