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How Do You Take Your Tea?
A couple of weeks ago I spent five nights on a blow-up bed in someone else's family room. But I'm not complaining because the very first morning, before I'd even opened my eyes, I heard the sweetest voice say, "Delly, it's morning time." In my children's home, somewhere in the night, I'd transmuted into one of my more popular alter-egos--and awakened as a full-blown grandma.
On this visit, I gave my three-year-old granddaughter, Abigail, her belated birthday present--offered unceremoniously in the privacy of her bedroom. I'd decided on a tea set and The Universe had provided just the right one: not a toy, but a petite and very sturdy china one. As she unwrapped the pale blue pot with its delicate pattern of white and a chocolate--followed by two matching cups and saucers--her already big eyes widened. "This is for me?" she asked. "Oh, Delly, thank you!"
"Where did you get this?" Abby asked the next day as she doused my 10th cup of tea with "cream" from her doll's bottle. "In Portland," I said. "It's sooo beautiful!" she exclaimed. Then her little brow furrowed. "But I'm afraid it might break." I assured her that unless she dropped it on the hard tile or the sidewalk, it should be okay.
Abby's response to this gift surprised and puzzled me -- blessed as she is with a roomful of expensive toys. And then it dawned on me. The tea set was real. I had entrusted her with something precious--something beautiful that could break.
This sweet and simple experience started me thinking about the importance of giving each other "what's real" instead of pale imitations.
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Giving China Instead of Plastic
1. The Truth -- I meet every month for coffee with a lively, enchanting and real group of women. As the ties deepen, it would take something akin to a bladder infection or hair-on-fire to keep me away. One of our recent discussions was about women telling each other the truth--and how "being nice" gets in the way of "being real" with each other. As a group, we nodded our preference of truth vs. falsity posing as nicety.
Nikki, my daughter-by-marriage, recently turned down a request for help by one of her closest friends. "I love you," she'd told her, "which is why I can't do what you're asking. You're making choices that are the opposite of what you keep telling me you want. You may need to do this, but I can't be an ally in going against yourself. "
This has the ring of real china. The plastic alternatives are to either make an excuse for not helping -- or doing the favor, but not feeling good about it.
2. Vulnerability -- Vulnerability is being emotionally honest about ourselves rather than opting for our culture's single-syllable shortcut: "Fine!" It's such a versatile word, isn't it? Easily filling in for things like "sad, confused, grumpy, scared, in pain" and "insecure." "Well, close enough," says the ego who is convinced that vulnerability is a social liability. And "close enough" is just right for the masses, but not for the people who really want to know.
At 61, I've committed myself emotionally, spiritually and financially to a vision that is far bigger than anything I've ever taken on. What I tell the masses about my years-in-the-making emergence as an author, writer and speaker is the truth: "I'm so excited! I'm ready!" But what I'm telling you is the whole truth: there's a part of me that really doesn't know if I have what it takes: the energy, the confidence, the deep inner security that I know this venture will ask of me. And what about the part you don't know? a little voice sometimes asks when it's still dark outside and the birds are chirping me awake.
Well, there's my best china. Can I pour you some tea?
3. Acceptance -- This word keeps coming up in my writing because it keeps coming up in me. And when it comes to relationship gift-giving, it's at the top of the list yet at the base of everything. If I say I love you, but I don't accept the ways in which we are different ... If I say I love, you but my real goal is to get you to change ... If I say I love you, but I continually complain about your behavior ... is it really love? Maybe. But let me ask you this: do you truly feel loving when you don't accept people for who they are?
Acceptance is like any other skill: it's hard at first and requires practice. It's one of those lifetime goals--or perhaps many lifetime goals. I don't ever expect to be totally accepting, but I would like to make progress and I'll tell you why. I've become acutely aware that when I'm accepting, I feel a whole lot better! It's not about being a saint, but more about being sane.
And that's the truth.
Til We Cross Paths Again,
Maridel |
As the presses start rolling on the 2nd edition of "Who Are You Calling Grandma," I want to share with you a couple of the Amazon reviews from the 1st edition. This is a way for me to do some promoting without being totally shameless -- I'll save that for later!
"Delightful in Every Way"
I loved this book! And it didn't matter that I'm not a mother or a grandmother. Ms. Bowes shares her journey into grandmotherhood in such a warm, humorous and insightful way I felt a part of her family. The bonus was in realizing that some of her insights and experiences are commonly shared and I've been there -- though perhaps without her awareness and grace. This book is a wonderful gift. I've given it to 5 of my friends -- all grandmothers -- and they all say they wish they could've read it back then as well. Treat yourself to a real gem.
--S. Nardini
"Loved This Book"
This is a wonderful, delightful book for Baby Boomers. However, it is MUCH, MUCH more! It's a book about any and all relationships, self-discovery and dealing with your own inner conflicts. I'm a great-grandmother, but I loved "Who Are You Calling Grandma?" because it was an intimate look into figuring out how to process my emotions for myself. Read it! You will love it!
--S. Randolph
Want more? Stand by for the next edition of Crossing Paths! |
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Testimonial for "But That's Not All!"-- The Conference Call
The first BTNA conference call took place last Thursday night! Below is participant Sue Pearson Atkinson's testimonial.
"Group thinking helps open new portals of your mind. This is exactly what happened when I joined Maridel's conference call -- really a call to go deeper spiritually. We talked about the theme of her latest BTNA newsletter, "Resistance." I had just experienced a situation where I not only observed my resistance to something happening but was able to shed that resistance and find great peace. BTNA! ...from the conference call I am reflecting now on an even more exciting idea -- that shedding resistance may actually affect the outcome of the situation. Wow! What an idea! Something to go deeper with and explore. Wouldn't have happened without the nudge from group thinking. Thanks, Maridel"
Thank you, Sue!
Dear Crossing Path Readers:
If your free subscription to the BTNA newsletters and conference call has expired and you'd like to join me and others on "Taking the Deeper Path," you can sign on at any time! Here's how:
1.Go to the Evolving Journey " Store" page. 2. Hit the "Subscribe" button which will link you to PayPal. 3. There you can pay the monthly $10 fee on a recurring basis with your credit card or via PayPal. You don't have to have a PP account to pay by credit card. Or if you prefer, you can send me a check for a 6-month subscription. Email me for my address.
Let me know if you have any questions or need assistance with the process.
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