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What You Resist, You Miss!
A year ago I thought networking had to do with fishing boats. Well, not really, but I was just about as likely to join a net-mending crew as I was to subject myself to a room full of 100 card-shoving, plasti-smile, mile-high-heeled entre"prey"ners. The caption underneath a picture of me networking would read, "Introvert in Hell." I might have passed into the next life with my judgments in tact except for one teeny detail: I'd written a book and needed a marketer.
Even as the prospective marketer and I verbally frolicked over a lovely lunch on the river--my book on the table between us--I had no idea that this engaging young woman, Michelle, was about to pop a hideous question."So, Maridel, how many women's organizations do you belong to?" "Women's organizations?" I asked, as if trying to remember where I'd heard that term before. "Well, none really." She quickly informed me that promoting a book would require networking. And just as quickly must have noted the terror in my eyes because she gently laid her hand on mine and said, "We'll start with eWomen. And I'll go with you."
My vision of promoting a book involved signings at classy bookstores and giving perky but meaningful talks to women's groups. Oddly, the latter didn't frighten me. I'd been a teacher and speaker all my adult life. But that was different from promoting myself one-on-one to strangers who only wanted me for my booty.
It's coming up on a year since I left heel marks in the parking lot while Michelle, in my own best interests, dragged me into my first eWomen luncheon. So on this almost-anniversary, I'm reflecting on the things that networking--the thing I once so feverishly resisted--has brought to my attention.
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From Resistance to Reflection
1. The things we resist are often the ones that lead to the most fertile pastures. Why is that anyway? We could speculate all day about self-sabotage and resistance to change, but what I think it comes down to is an underlying (overlaying or in-betweening) fear that we aren't enough of something. Take your pick: smart-savvy-pretty-experienced-social-knowledgable-extroverted-creative-appealing-affordable ENOUGH. But here's the catch. How will we ever realize that we are enough unless we stop resisting? Resistance merely reinforces our fear, parading its falsity as indelible fact. Setting down our resistance and taking a step--or a leap!--away, helps us see that what we thought was "True" was simply the resistance of truth.
2. We are not alone. You know why women like to be together? We are constant rivers of reassurance for each other. For example, I'd assumed that all "real business women" just loved to network. In my recollection, most of them gave off enough confidence wattage to light up a small stadium. But Michelle had already confided that she began networking only because she'd started her own business. Then the Managing Director of my eWomen chapter, Stephanie Sherwood, freely confessed that in the past, she'd been the person most likely to be networking with the wall at such functions. And most recently, I had the privilege of meeting the "Queen E," Sandra Yancey, founder and president of eWomen. Turns out? She originally started this organization as an internet enterprise because she (and those she'd polled) preferred "the net" to the face-to-face "workings" when it came to business. It makes me think that if we are not alone about networking, the chances are we not alone about much of anything.
3. Real life is about real relationships. My adult life has increasingly been about quality relationships. Especially the deep, lasting ones that weather the seasons, molting old skins as they morph. But in a way I couldn't have imagined, networking has given that commitment a whole new dimension. In less than a year, I have made more sweet and savory connections with women than at any other time in my life. These are women I would want to know even if they never used my services or I theirs. They are complex, brilliant, funny and courageous. And doing business with them just naturally grows out of the quality of our connections. I would go "just to know!" I don't have to change myself to "do business" because relationships are the "business" of life.
4. Whatever our insecurities, they don't deserve top billing. I've had to face many insecurities in the past year--things I thought I could get by without looking in the eye because after all, I'd gotten "to a certain age" without doing so. For me, networking made it clear that I had to choose my voice over my insecurities--which is to say, choose my heart, my writing and my dreams over the nicely-nested niche of my own supposed comfort. To be truly secure, I've found, is to be honest about my insecurities and treat them as well-meaning tag-alongs to whom I owe nothing. With the upcoming promotion of "Who Are You Calling Grandma?" the stakes are high and rising. I'm a bit scared, but undaunted. You see, in addition to my friends of many years, I now have all of my "net sisters" to cheer me on!
Til we cross paths again, Maridel
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If you'd like to know more about eWomen or attend a local luncheon, visit www.ewomennetwork.com or email me at Maridel@evolvingjourney.com. I'd be happy to sponsor you and if you live in the greater Sacramento area, I'll gladly accompany you to a luncheon. With a motto like "Give First, Share Always" how can you go wrong? |
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But That's Not All!
In next week's edition of "But That's Not All!" we'll take a deeper look at the amazing tool of resistance:
--How to spot it
--How to use it
--What it offers that nothing else does!
--The incorporation of any questions or responses you have to this week's column.
Coming UP Soon! The First BTNA Call
We're starting with aThursday evening call. Thursday, May 28 at 7:00. The call will last 45 minutes. In the next BTNA, I'll give you the simple instructions for making the call.
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