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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
The Clash is a band that has made a fortune on the hit song, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" The group sounds like it could use more time in the proverbial garage and the lyrics would be mightily impressive had they been written by a 10-year-old. BUT the song has a hook that everyone from 10 to "the end" can relate to. It's the central, throbbing question of life: Should I stay or should I go?
The Clash, of course, is asking the question in its most popular and agonizing form -- whether to stay in relationship or depart. But let's take that query out for a walk in the wider world: "Should I stay ... in my job, in this house, in this country, in this line of work, in my head, in these jeans, on my side of the bed?" (With all the attending "go" corollaries.) Or "Should I go ... on a trip, to a workshop, toward my highest potential, on a blind date, all out, off the deep end?"
(With all the implied "stay" options)
It seems we ask ourselves this question day in and out, and hour in and out. But, as The Clash so brilliantly (if not artistically) portrays, getting an answer can be challenging. How would you like to have back all the hours of your life spent in trying to decide what to decide? (My hand is raised.) It turns out that "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" can be an unfriendly mind-beast, an energy hog that drags us through the muddy waters of indecision -- and then back again.
But maybe it's not the question itself that's the beast. Maybe it's what we do with it. And maybe there's a better way. |
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Turning Indecision into a GPS
1. Deciding Not to Decide. The primary thing that makes indecision so beastly is that we often try to decide things that aren't capable of being decided yet. A few years ago, I had what amounts to an embarrassing "Aha" moment. More like a a "Ha-Ha" moment (and the joke would be on me). After months of trying to make a personal decision, this thought came to me: Oh, I don't know what to do. This sounds ludicrous, but stay with me. In that moment, I realized that if I didn't know what to do, how could I possibly decide? And that's when I instituted the "decision-not-to-decide" policy. It was magical. I'd found a resting place. My mood shifted and my concentration on what I could do soared. I was so relieved to just camp out in "I Don't Know Yet Land."
2. Hang Out a Shingle. After taking yourself out of the unproductive and crazy-making pressure of indecision, envision yourself hanging out a shingle that says, "Open for Guidance." And it has to be in that order. After all, how can you be open and receptive in the turbulent waters of push and pull? Should I or shouldn't I? Stay or go? But when the pressure's off, you are available to receive the right information, the pulse of intuition, the message of synchronicity or simply the grace to wait until you know what you don't know yet.
3. I'll Act When I Know. The corollary to being "open for guidance" is the confidence that you will recognize the right choice when it comes -- and have the courage to act on it. In her 30s, my dear friend, Margaret had a soul-quaking decision to make that felt like this: "I can't and I must," meaning that she couldn't leave her situation and she had to -- a dreadful state. Then one day an event occurred that faster than a blinking eyelash, shifted her into immediate, decisive action. Ironically, when that moment arrives, the decision makes itself -- and lasts.
4. Move With Inspiration. In the space between not knowing and knowing, inspiration hovers. Nudges, whispers and flashes - oh, my! Inspiration slips past the mind's "Stay-Go" toggle and seeps directly into heart or gut. Hurrah! Deciding is now becoming a process instead of a mandate, a treasure hunt in which pieces come together in ways no one could have imagined. Follow inspiration. Sometimes it will seem to dead end or fray at the ends, but if followed consistently, leads you out of the woods.
Life is full of "should-I-stay-or-should-I-go?" choices. "Should I stay in my bathrobe or go for a walk?" "Should I stay in my pain or go to the emergency room?" "Should I stay in the realm of sanity or go just a little bit whacko?" Some decisions are easy to make, but for those that aren't, start with deciding not to decide. And go from there.
Til we cross paths again,
Maridel |
A couple of newsletters ago, I unofficially announced a subscriber newsletter called A Deeper Path, to complement Crossing Paths. But now I have a new name for it and an official invitation.
Call up a time in your life when someone was telling an incredible story to a circle of listeners. The pitch rose to the final punch line and the exclamations of disbelief or laughter exploded on cue. Then while everyone was still riding the wave of satisfaction, the storyteller added, "But that's not all!" Wasn't that a delicious moment? There was more!
It reminds me of the Christmas when I turned nine. Sitting in the midst of my holiday haul, and especially pleased with it, my mother suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, I forgot ! I have something else for you!" And with that, she pulled an unwrapped box out from behind the couch -- a 16-piece tea set! I never forgot the feeling of that moment. And it's the same feeling I want to deliver to you with each edition of the newsletter But That's Not All!
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The Official Invitation
I invite you, my loyal readers, to join me in a new venture, But That's Not All! -- a newsletter and interactive tele-class that takes the topics of Crossing Paths into deeper exploration and insight. Through these media, I will be speaking not just to your mind and heart, but to your soul and spirit at a level that will affect your everyday life.
Together we will rejoice in the possibilities for living more fully and rejuvenate our connection to the greater truth of why we're here. Please accept your free first-month subscriber membership and go with me to the next level of mind, body and spirit. As my own unfolding path transforms, I will offer the following:
I. Crossing Paths every other week at no charge.
II. But That's Not All on the alternate week -- a newsletter that delves more deeply and soulfully into the topic of the week before. Sometimes I may also revisit an earlier topic that has struck a powerful chord with readers. As a subscriber, you will also be able to request a BTNA topic.
Sample BTNA Topics Based on Previous Crossing Paths Newsletters
· Animal Wisdom: Three Situations Where Your Body's Opinion is Worth Gold
· The Prayer You Can Use Anywhere for Anything
· The Twin Tools for Alleviating (even eliminating) Worrying About Money
· Now that You've Made a Decision, Don't Let "But How?" Stop You
· The Secret to Letting Relationships Take You Beyond "Happy" or "Unhappy"
III. A 45-minute monthly tele-class that features three segments:
1. Sharing insightful comments sent to me in response to Crossing Paths. For example, when I wrote the column, "Worry and French Fries," my friend and colleague, Betsy Hartwell sent me a quote she had come across: "Worry is a prayer for what you don't want."
2. Q and R. Questions from subscribers regarding the topics of the month and my responses. For example, from this week's newsletter, someone might ask, "What if I made a decision that felt completely right, but then I started to doubt it or circumstances didn't seem to support it?"
3. Group participation makes the tele-class even more interactive -- and you can opt for a lot, a little or listening mode. For instance, someone may have an example of how they dealt with doubt after making a decision that felt completely right. (Note: individual sharing will have a limited time frame so as to keep the interaction moving.)
BONUS: These sessions will be recorded and available to listen to if you are unable to attend the tele-class!
FEE: Two But That's Not All! newsletters and the tele-class is $10 a month. Payment will be set up on a recurring basis and you can discontinue your subscription at any time. (Payment options will be provided when you sign up for your free trial membership.)
We begin in May with a FREE But That's Not All package! This is extended to all current recipients of Crossing Paths. Before, during or at the end of May, you can decide if you want to continue on the journey. If not, you will still receive Crossing Paths at no charge.
For more information or to sign up for your free trial, email me at maridelbowes@gmail.com or call me at (916) 749-4228.
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© 2008 Evolving Journey. All Rights Reserved. Contact Maridel Bowes at maridelbowes@gmail.com.
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