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ELIZABETH MAHANEY
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www.SouthTampaTherapy.com
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Greetings!
I hope this newsletter finds you well! In this months issue you will find information pertaining to dealing with infertility and information about hypnosis. Enjoy:)
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DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONAL
IMPACT OF INFERTILITY
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Infertility is a medical problem that results in the inability to conceive a child or carry a pregnancy to full term. A couple is usually diagnosed as infertile after one year of frequent, unprotected, sexual intercourse.
It is estimated that 10 to 15% of couples are infertile. About 35% of infertility cases can be traced to physical problems of the woman and 35% have causes in the man. In the remaining 30% of cases, infertility is either unexplained or is caused by problems in both partners.
Why Infertility Can Be Devastating
The inability to have children can be one of the greatest challenges that a person or couple will ever face. It affects people emotionally, physically, and financially. It can place tremendous stress on a couple's relationship and on their relationships with family and friends.
On a physical level, the experience of being examined and tested monthly, weekly, or even daily is embarrassing, exhausting, and very expensive. Medications often have side effects, and daily injections may be required. Surgery is often necessary, and sometimes several procedures are needed.
As the process continues over months and years, the couple's privacy is invaded time and again, physically and emotionally. One or both of the partners learn to put aside their feelings as they lie on the examining table, have fluids taken, or give sperm for the tenth, twentieth, or fiftieth time.
At the same time, family, friends and coworkers are waiting to see if this month will bring good news. The couple becomes used to hearing, "Anything new?" with an expectant smile. They also hear comments like, "Maybe you should take a month off and just relax," or "A vacation would do you good" or "This sounds like a good problem. At least you can have fun trying." To make it even worse, throughout this experience, the couple regularly hears of others who have become pregnant. In fact, it sometimes seems as if the whole world is pregnant.
These experiences often make the infertile person feel like a failure. The feelings come up each time there is a treatment failure or when yet another friend or acquaintance announces a pregnancy.
After each expensive procedure or round of treatment, when no pregnancy results, the disappointment turns to devastation. Many infertile people become depressed and anxious. The strain in the marriage and among family members sometimes becomes unbearable. The self-esteem of one or both partners plummets. They often feel lonely, sad, and angry. The long series of disappointments that many experience can cause a numbing effect, and depression can result. If one partner has the medical problem that is causing the infertility, he or she often feels guilty and may even offer the other a divorce. At the same time, the infertile person may fear that the other partner will leave the relationship. All of these changes can make people feel emotionally distant and needing to avoid intimacy.
Some people cut themselves off from friends and family. They look for ways to avoid attending social gatherings and family events, fearing that they will be subjected to discussions about pregnancy, children, or infertility. Socializing with friends and family who have children or who are pregnant is a special challenge. Sometimes these feelings are intensified, especially for women, when they are taking large doses of drugs that can affect their emotions.
Emotional Self-Care during Infertility
Almost no one expects to be infertile. Most people think they will grow up, get married, and have children, just like everyone else around them. So when a couple learns that they are infertile, they are often surprised at how devastated they feel. After all, they reason, they don't have cancer or a deadly disease (in most cases); it's just infertility. So why do they feel so badly? Most couples gradually come to realize that it is a distressing experience. Many eventually seek the help of a team of professionals, realizing that it is a good idea to create a support network and take advantage of the help that is available.
When one or both partners start to feel the impact of infertility, it can be a good idea to seek the services of a mental health professional, especially one who has experience working with the issues of infertility. Since these issues are so complex, it is important to find a counselor who has experience and training in dealing with the impact on individuals, couples, and families. Many couples also find relief in support groups where they can meet regularly with other infertile couples, share experiences, and support each other. Such groups are offered through organizations like RESOLVE, a national infertility support organization. RESOLVE also provides referrals to medical practitioners who specialize in infertility. Visit www.resolve.org for information.
Infertility is primarily a medical problem, but during treatment it is important to address the emotional implications of infertility. Joining a support group or seeing a qualified counselor is especially important at any of the following points:
· When you begin a new phase of your treatment
· After a course of treatment has failed
· When you are faced with difficult decisions about treatment
· When you are thinking about options such as surrogacy, egg or sperm donation
· When you are considering stopping medical treatment
· When you are thinking about adopting
· When one or both of you have troubling feelings that won't go away
· When you experience strained relationships with your partner, friends, or family
· When you avoid being with others because of the infertility
Although a mental health professional cannot influence the outcome of the medical treatment, he or she can help the couple get through the process by helping them communicate better with each other and gain support from family and friends.
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WHAT IS HYPNOSIS AND CAN IT HELP?
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Hypnosis is a natural, normal, relaxed, and focused state of attention. It is characterized by:
· A feeling of well-being
· Relaxed muscles
· Less sensitivity to pain
· Ability to access memories, both good and bad
Hypnotherapy is the use of hypnosis to enable a person to take control of feelings, behaviors, habits, and self-image. A person who is in a hypnotic state or trance responds to guided imagery and suggestions for new, positive behaviors after the trance is over.
Hypnosis is an entirely natural state of consciousness. It is not the same as one's normal waking state. When people are hypnotized, they are completely awake and alert. They know exactly what is happening during every moment. Their awareness is heightened and focused.
It is not possible to be under someone else's control during hypnosis. People do only what they want to do and are always aware of where they are and what they are doing. They are in control at all times. They become highly receptive to positive suggestions, but only if those suggestions are acceptable. The trance may be stopped at any time, just as we see people sometimes when they are having a daydream.
What Kinds of Issues Is Hypnosis Used For?
A professional therapist with formal training and experience in hypnotherapy can use the experiences from hypnosis to address a wide variety of issues. These are a few examples:
· Eliminating destructive habits
· Building positive habits
· Controlling responses to stress
· Overcoming fear
· Alleviating sexual dysfunction
· Improving performance
Like all psychotherapy, the goal of hypnotherapy is for the client to learn new ways of thinking and behaving in order to take control of his or her life. Hypnosis is not a quick fix or magic cure, but it can be very helpful to a motivated client who is willing to work and take responsibility for change.
What Hypnosis Feels Like
A person may become hypnotized in one of two ways: by listening to another person's voice (either on tape or in person) or by listening to one's own thoughts. The hypnotherapist uses vivid imagery that stimulates the subject's imagination, and makes positive suggestions for new behaviors after the session is over.
Most people find that during a trance, they have more access to their feelings and past memories. The subject's awareness ebbs and flows during this time. Thoughts come and go and there may be parts of the session that he or she won't consciously remember afterward. However, the subconscious mind remembers everything.
People usually awaken from a hypnosis session with very pleasant feelings. There is a sense of well-being and even euphoria.
How Long Does Improvement Take?
Most people say they become aware of the suggestions that were made during hypnosis soon after the first session. The subconscious mind begins to prompt the person for the new thoughts and behaviors immediately. If a hypnosis session is especially intense or if a person has listened repeatedly to a self-hypnosis audiotape, these prompts may be more noticeable and effective. The person's level of motivation also has a major effect on how quickly he or she begins to change for the better.
Does Hypnosis Always Work?
With any goal, people sometimes have a hard time achieving success. There are a few reasons for this. First, the subconscious mind is generally attracted to the behavior that has the strongest emotional charge connected to it. We tend to choose behaviors that make us feel good, even if we know they are bad for us. This is sometimes why we continue to make the less healthy choice.
A second reason that success seems elusive is because people make the mistake of focusing on negatives rather than positives. If you tell yourself what not to do, like trying not to smoke or not to eat cookies or not to be nervous, you will have a hard time succeeding because the mind responds to positives, not negatives. It is more effective to say "I am free of the desire to smoke" or "I enjoy eating watermelon" or "I am calm and confident," and to visualize the details of your goal as if it were happening in the present.
How Hypnosis Works
The conscious mind functions mostly like a computer. It is black and white, logical, and reasonable. The conscious mind is where we spend most of our time.
Most people in the American culture learn to disregard their subconscious feelings and perceptions because they are viewed as irrational and not based in reality. Still, the subconscious mind is a very powerful force for all of us. It contains the most important elements of our psyches: our dreams, fantasies, and emotions.
These two parts of our minds are quite distinct from one another. The language of the subconscious is imagery and metaphor, which the intellect does not understand. The intellect prefers reason and facts, which the subconscious mind does not comprehend.
There are times in our lives when we are reminded of our powerful subconscious mind. When we face emotional turmoil, loss, or trauma, we may experience the subconscious mind's ability to affect both brain and body. When stress is high, our ability to eat, sleep, talk, and think clearly is often impacted. Even though we thought that we had resolved an important issue, the subconscious creates a symptom or illness as a way of telling us that the feelings have not been resolved.
Healing is a subconscious process, not an intellectual process. You cannot improve your life or heal your pain by telling yourself that you should get a life or move on or get it together. Healing is accelerated when you spend some time in the trance state. In a trance, your sense of self is expanded and your critical, questioning mind is relaxed. This enables you to communicate with your subconscious mind by creating images and symbols and by recreating memories. In the relaxed trance state, you can use your imagination to build a picture of how you want your life to be and describe the steps you will need to take to make it real. When you return to normal waking state, you can continue to focus your mental energy on the images you created when you were in the trance.
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Please pass this newsletter along to a friend or call Elizabeth Mahaney 813-240-3237 to request additional copies.
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Thanks for reading this months Newsletter!
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Mahaney
South Tampa Therapy at Pagani Wellness Center
Phone: 813-240-3237
Email: elizabeth@southtampatherapy.com
Website: www.SouthTampaTherapy.com
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