|
ELIZABETH MAHANEY
|
|
|
To view more information... Please visit my website at
www.SouthTampaTherapy.com
|
|
JOIN OUR LIST
|
 |
| PLEASE FORWARD THIS NEWSLETTER...THANKS!
|
|
|
|
|
Issue: #1
|
FEBRUARY / 2008
|
Greetings!
I hope this newsletter finds you well! In this months issue you will find information pertaining to building self-confidence and tips on how to be more assertive. Enjoy:)
|
|
HOW TO BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
|
Signs of Self-Confidence
Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence.
1. Admitting when you are wrong.
2. Being flexible when change is needed.
3. Talking about your accomplishments.
4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot."
5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think.
6. Using a strong handshake.
7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too "corporate." For example, "You guys did a cool thing."
8. Speaking very fast.
9. Smiling often.
10. Learning new skills.
11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble.
Low Self-Confidence
Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence.
1. "I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten."
2. "Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work."
3. "That was really stupid of me."
4. "I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car."
5. (Responding to a compliment) "Oh, I've had this dress for ten years."
6. "I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background."
7. "That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though."
8. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time."
Compare your answers:
Answers to Quiz #1
Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors.
Answers to Quiz #2
Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course,
there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on
context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.)
Where Does Self-Confidence Come From?
Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors:
1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned.
2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't.
3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence.
8 Self-Confidence Builders
There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence.
1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best "you" possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these:
· Do what comes naturally.
· Develop your talents.
· Follow your convictions.
· Express your own style.
2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident.
3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems.
4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about.
5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way.
· Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence.
· Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way.
· Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape.
6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject:
· Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness.
· Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence.
7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent.
8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this:
· Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Good work. I'm proud of you."
· Think of a way to reward yourself.
· Tell others about your success.
· Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal.
· Draw a picture expressing your achievement.
|
|
Assertive Communication: 20 Tips
|
Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive. But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive. Here are some helpful tips.
1. Choose the right time. Imagine you're dashing down the hall on your way to a meeting. Lisa passes by. You call out, "Can you have the Microsoft project out by Tuesday?" Because you haven't scheduled a special time to bring up the issue, Lisa has no reason to think your request deserves high priority.
2. Choose the right place. Discuss important issues in a private, neutral location.
3. Be direct. For example, "Lisa, I would like you to work overtime on the Microsoft project." Whether or not Lisa likes your request, she respects you for your directness.
4. Say "I," not "we." Instead of saying, "We need the project by Tuesday," say, "I would like you to finish the project by Tuesday."
5. Be specific. Instead of, "Put a rush on the Microsoft project," say, "I would like the Microsoft project finished and on Joe's desk by 9:00 Tuesday morning."
6. Use body language to emphasize your words. "Lisa, I need that report Tuesday morning," is an assertive statement. But if you mumble this statement while staring at the floor, you undermine your message.
7. Confirm your request. Ask your staff to take notes at meetings. At the end of each meeting, ask your group to repeat back the specifics that were agreed upon. This minimizes miscommunication.
8. Stand up for yourself. Don't allow others to take advantage of you; insist on being treated fairly. Here are a few examples: "I was here first," "I'd like more coffee, please," "Excuse me, but I have another appointment," "Please turn down the radio," or "This steak is well done, but I asked for medium rare."
9. Learn to be friendly with people you would like to know better. Do not avoid people because you don't know what to say. Smile at people. Convey that you are happy to see them.
10. Express your opinions honestly. When you disagree with someone, do not pretend to agree. When you are asked to do something unreasonable, ask for an explanation.
11. Share your experiences and opinions. When you have done something worthwhile, let others know about it.
12. Learn to accept kind words. When someone compliments you, say, "Thank you."
13. Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation.
14. Don't get personal. When expressing annoyance or criticism, comment on the person's behavior rather than attacking the person. For example: "Please don't talk to me that way," rather than, "What kind of jerk are you?"
15. Use "I" statements when commenting on another's behavior. For example: "When you cancel social arrangements at the last minute, it's extremely inconvenient and I feel really annoyed."
16. State what you want. If appropriate, ask for another behavior. ("I think we'd better sit down and try to figure out how we can make plans together and cut down on this kind of problem.")
17. Look for good examples. Pay attention to assertive people and model your behavior after theirs.
18. Start slowly. Express your assertiveness in low-anxiety situations at first; don't leap into a highly emotional situation until you have more confidence. Most people don't learn new skills overnight.
19. Reward yourself each time you push yourself to formulate an assertive response. Do this regardless of the response from the other person.
20. Don't put yourself down when you behave passively or aggressively. Instead, identify where you went off course and learn how to improve.
_____________________________________________________________
Please pass this newsletter along to a friend or call Elizabeth Mahaney 813-240-3237 to request additional copies.
|
|
|
Thanks for reading this months Newsletter!
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Mahaney
South Tampa Therapy at Pagani Wellness Center
Phone: 813-240-3237
Email: elizabeth@southtampatherapy.com
Website: www.SouthTampaTherapy.com
|
|
|
