If I Could Just Get Myself to Do What I Should...
You know these #%$^#
scissor-kick exercises aren't new. I
remember hating them in high school.
They were not just challenging but nearly impossible. And yet if I'd mastered them back then,
perhaps now I wouldn't have had to struggle so hard to keep my waistline out of
the gigantic range it seemed bent on achieving. Of course the struggle kept me in that constant loop of wishing
my waistline would reduce , cutting out the things I loved to eat, sporadic
attempts at exercise and the ensuing lamentations as my waist kept creeping up
anyway. And with a neck injury I had
plenty of excuses, didn't I? Now I
really couldn't do what I "should" have done...
And thus continues the
destructive dance we engage in called Resistance. We're all so drawn to resistance. It's enticing, the feeling of fighting the good fight. The lottery-like hope that we'll win this
time. Even while we know that what we
resist, persists...we can't seem to stop ourselves.
Life goes on while we're
resisting. In fact, many of us are
incredibly productive. We create whole
lives struggling and fighting. We even
use some positive energy to build. We
become educated, find work, some find good careers, and even build families of
our own. On the outside, many of us
look like we've got terrific lives, and we might feel that way if we didn't
also feel the pressure of all our "shoulds" both old and new. Our "shoulds" turn into regret, and regret
into the now solid reality.
"A man is not old until regrets take the place of
dreams." John Barrymore.
Some of my clients recently
polled gave me their biggest shoulds:
Saving 10% of my income
would have been a breeze for me back in college. Heck, I probably could have saved 50%, but I didn't. I didn't save much at all, and I never
learned how. But when I think back over
20 years of some incredibly hard work, boy do I wish I had those little
percentages now. It seems so simple
from here, but back then I just had to have this or that. Sometimes they were legitimate excuses, but
more often than not, now as I think back, my not saving was more another
example of my inability to do what I should have done. Now I'm broke, nearing retirement
and scared. This wasn't living, it's working
to die. What really struck me as odd
when I cleared away all those shoulds I could never fix was an unbelievable
sense that I could still do what I needed to do. After all, I realized, my house may not be a dream home, but it's
paid off. I could start saving now and
really make a big dent. When it comes
time to retire, maybe I'll sell this place and get a nice place somewhere warm. Like energy really does attract like, and
the more I save it really is true that the more I save. My retirement is starting to look really
good to me now, and so are my savings.
John S., Sarasota, FL
My husband is a good
man. I should have been able to see
that all along. He's not always
communicative, and he didn't do things the way I wanted but he was always
there. Somehow that didn't matter. Over time I actually started criticizing him
right out loud, and pretty soon I was so involved in my self-righteous crusade
to fix him I even stopped telling him that I loved him. I did, but I was too busy trying to make him
be how I wanted. When he told me he was
leaving, the first thing I said was "...but I love you, don't you know that?"
He asked me how could he possibly know that since all I ever did was criticize
him. I was horrified, of course, and he
was shocked. He truly thought that I
was wishing he was gone. I should have
said 'I love you' and I should have complimented him as much as possible. Thankfully now I'm getting a second chance
to learn how and to actually be how I want to be in our marriage. Funny thing is, the more I'm loving and
accepting, the more he's giving and open.
Elizabeth H., Woodbridge, NJ
My new job isn't all it
was cracked up to be. The hours are
longer, the pressure is greater and I don't have the kind of friends I had at
my old place. What should I have done
that I didn't? I should have spent more
time being grateful for what I had instead of feeling so sorry for myself all
the time. And I should have taken the
time to figure out what it was that I really wanted if I was so disappointed
with what I had. Instead, I just sat
there stonewalling and drifting through fantasies of winning the lottery. Maybe if I'd have done that I wouldn't have
had to take the first job that came my way because I'd been fired from a job I
now know wasn't really all that bad.
What I realized as I cleared away all these shoulds is that I was
looking for all my fulfillment from my job and since I never liked it, it was a
loosing battle. What I'm working on now
is enjoying the things I do have that I like, like my family, and figuring out
what kind of work I think would make me feel productive. And guess what? There are a lot of opportunities out there I never would have
considered before. Tom J., New York, NY
So why don't we do the things
we "should" do?
There are many theories,
lots of advice and even more excuses.
But we all know how these things pan out. The other day I was speaking to a personal trainer who said that
they just "go military on their..." when their clients don't do what they are
"supposed to." That trainer, like so
many others, has a few long-term clients, but their average client sticks with
them for about 3 months. Some may come
back one or two more times, but just like the rest of the overweight population
the majority of them just leave and return to their former state of
unhealthiness or worse.
"should" keeps us in alignment with what we don't want to be true, what isn't
ours yet, what we don't have and haven't done.
It holds us fast to the vibration of shame, disappointment, bitterness
and regret. It's impossible to live in
harmony when a portion of our thoughts and feelings are out of alignment with
what we wish to do, be or have.
But there's a different
answer, a different way, and it's nothing short of astounding. The answer is "stuck energy" and the
astounding part comes in how easily it can be released so that what was nearly impossible
before, now comes a mere fact of everyday life.
"Happiness is when what you think, what
and what you do are in harmony."
My clients and readers all
know that I came to this work because of a neck injury. Over the years I was at first grateful to
finally become pain-free, a feat the doctors said was impossible. But I didn't stop there. I also had to loose what I called the
"ton-age" added on by the medicine and inability to move. I'd gained over 35 lbs. in less than 4
months. It was tough work, seeing as
how I couldn't really move well, but I got back down to "in range" and felt
pretty good for the next set of years.
Then one day I realized that I was still settling! "Just" being pain-free and "not huge" wasn't
enough. I wanted to be fit, really fit.
The most important thing
I've done is to work on clearing out all the stuck energy that held me in a
state of anything less than full wellbeing.
And a funny thing has happened:
the less stuck energy I have, the more productive my treatments and
exercise was...and the better I feel!
As I cleared the energy of the "shoulds" I could never get myself to do
an interesting new thought organically rose up, "why not?" And the resulting behaviors have been
nothing short of a miracle, to me at least.
The last three months have
been the most wonderful adventure ever. Working my own personal
90 Days to Living Harmony Program (yes, I actually do
what I have my clients do!) was to create not just thinness, but actual
fitness. Clearing away stuck energy on
things such as "I can't do chin-ups...my neck might go out," and "they're too hard!"
or "But those last 10 lbs are almost impossible to loose!" has been easy and
Some are pretty astounding
to me. Like the fact that this very
girly-girl actually now owns her own chin-up bar and I use it! Within 2 weeks I'd already gotten to a 90
degree angle for 10 pulls, a feat I now understand is not the norm (ah...but
those big athletes haven't been tapping as they worked out, have they!) My arms are becoming not just thin, but
actually toned. And don't ask me where the
13" I've lost have gone, because I didn't think I had that much to loose! My clothes are fitting better, I've got more
energy and it is all just a lovely, easy and fun part of my day. In fact, my workouts have become so much fun
that I actually get disappointed when I can't do anything physical. Oh, I'm still working on those scissor-kicks...but I'm up to doing a few of them a day and not cursing the inventor as
being a merciless torturer. Instead, as
I feel the strength in all my muscles building, I'm actually enjoying the
sensations of engaging them and really feeling them move.
So in a matter of a few
weeks, what used to be an iron-clad, immobilizing SHOULD bringing any fitness
endeavor to a frustrating standstill has dissolved and in it's place is a
sturdy, organic KNOWING that I can because I AM, and a deeply satisfying
everyday experience that I just DO.
What "should" you have
done? What "should" you be doing? These thoughts and feelings, and the
resulting patterns of action or inaction, are the very things that are keeping
you from succeeding.
The question goes, "if you
knew you could do anything and not fail, what would you do?" To which, of
course, we all smile a little sadly and think of the days when we could have
been an Olympic ice skater, a mogul millionaire, or a famous singer. But life isn't over...until it's over. Can you say Colonel Saunders? or Susan Boyle? And better yet, it doesn't have to be stalled and stuck because
of "shoulds." We can learn to release
the stuck energy of our regrets and live the dreams we once held dear, not
knowing yet it was daring to dream them.
Perhaps they will turn out slightly differently, or even better, we can
also be open to new dreams we never knew we could have.
Remember, we can either
attempt to change our life using FORCE -
the process we almost always use to
create our resolutions. Or, we can
use our POWER to create organically, seemingly magically,
more enjoyably and productively.
Are you ready to stop
"shoulding" all over yourself? It's
easy! There's a Living Harmony program
just for you, and if not we'll design one that's just right. To get started, call or email me with your
list of "shoulds" and we'll clear them together.
Learn to give up the tyranny of "shoulds" and
the regrets that ensue. In the process,
you can learn to manifest what abundance, love, prosperity and pleasure you
In Living Harmony,
PS: Read this month's Living Lessons to learn how one of today's generally accepted business "shoulds" could put you in your own poverty prison.
PPS: Once you learn what...you still need to know HOW to manage and release this destructive pattern so you won't suffer from it too. Visit www.inlivingharmony.com to find out just how easy it is to Manifest...in Living Harmony.
My friend Susan recently told me that her colleagues make a
point of sending her instant messages all day long. Ahhh...a message sent instantly, such connection, such
satisfaction. How powerful is
that! So do you know what this
relentless barrage of messages keep repeating over and over and over
- I'm never
gonna make a sale!
- This job
- You didn't
make any sales today either, did you?
The list goes on.
Several times a day my dear, sweet, wonderful friend who has
always been a powerhouse selling machine gets these messages that slam into her
consciousness over and over again draining her energy and enthusiasm. Though she knows it's destructive, she feels
she "should" be reading all that's sent to her. She needs to be in the know, and available, right? Just awful, right?
But you know what's REALLY awful? I hear this all the time!
When my friend started telling me about her horrible little
secret, how she's afraid to not read the messages in case there's something
important there...she was so confused and feeling so alone. She thought she was the only one!
When I started shaking my head she said, "Oh I know
Cathleen...this isn't the Living Harmony way...but what am I supposed to
I told her that I wasn't shaking my head because of the
obvious and clearly negative-producing effects, I was shaking my head because I
was annoyed at hearing the same story repeatedly.
My friend was shocked to learn that she wasn't the only one
experiencing this kind of abuse. Oh she
knew that other people were having a rough time and talking about it endlessly,
but until we spoke, she had felt that her coworkers were confiding in her and
that they'd just hit a nerve. She
didn't realize that the repeated negative messages, the constant barrage of
failure concepts and impending doom, appearing to her in this particular
context was indeed abusive and incredibly destructive. She didn't understand how much impact they
The challenge with repeated IM or email messages about
how awful the economy is, how sales are impossible and how we're all going to
loose our jobs or worse is that due to their visual delivery,
these messages get quickly embedded into our
brains and hearts, and influence our own vibrational frequency!
We all have different learning styles. Some learn best by hearing while others
learn best by doing. That still does
remain true. But over the last few
decades we have actually trained ourselves to become more and more visually
We watch movies, TV and now the web. If you looked at a newspaper from 100 years
ago vs. today's versions, the reason there are far more photos is not just that
photographic technology has improved.
The reason is that we've become visually aware and are suffering from
Show a message to anyone in a visual context and they will
get it far faster and more deeply than any other method.
But emails and IM's are text, so that's not a problem,
right? Wrong. Yes, it's true that they CONTAIN text, but the delivery system is
a visual one!
The truth is that we are the only ones who are responsible
for our experiences. We're responsible
for what we choose to think, feel, how we act and react. And too often, especially in this visual
society, we tend to accept by default far too much negative information into
our already overwhelmed systems. And we
can control it far more than we realize.
As she began to realize how her "shoulds" were keeping her a
victim, Susan began to shift out of this destructive pattern.
First, she sent out a very clear, very professional memo
asking for her colleagues' support while she worked on a major project (of
course she didn't tell them the project was her career, and she'd be working on
it for the rest of her working life!) - unless it was a true emergency, she
asked that they email rather than IM her.
Immediately she got emails offering support and acknowledging this new
plan. Almost instantly she could feel the
Second, she spent a bit of time clearing thru the messages
she'd received using EFT and some visualization techniques. Within a few weeks, her own sales began to
rise again. But better yet, her state
returned to one of enjoyment. She
increased her sales, and began to feel like her old self again.
Noticing the shift, her boss complimented her and told her
he wished all the staff had her vibrant and enthusiastic energy. A compliment she couldn't but help connect
to the work she'd done clearing and aligning her energy to the vibration of
prosperity and success.
that detracts from your ability to use your own personal power effectively is
innocent. It's up to you to manage what your brain takes and mulls over in
so you can determine what experiences you live. Learn how with a few Living Harmony sessions, and soon your
energy will be gaining profitable praise too!
Learn to manifest your own success. Visit Living Harmony to learn how.