Approve Your Way to Abundance
It never fails. No
matter what the challenge they are working on with me, the moment I ask a
talented, good-looking, accomplished and seemingly successful client if they approve
of themselves they shake their head and squint their eyes in confusion. Of course! they approve of themselves, they
opine, don't the hours in the gym and office prove that? Ask a client who is working on their
physical appearance, health or a lack of loving relationships in their life,
and the reaction can be even more emotionally intense.
No matter who we are, the frustration of all the conscious
and physical effort we put in and the lack of desired results we get when we
disapprove becomes either overwhelming or defeating.
The truth will set
you free. But first, it will piss you off.
Finding out that we've been sabotaging even our greatest
efforts can be confusing, upsetting and even maddening. But the truth is that the simple act of
disapproving is one of the single most destructive and wasteful things we can
Just as the concept of forgiveness is often misunderstood,
the process of approving is confusing as well.
Forgiveness is not a blank slate, or a condoning of the offense. It may seem like semantics, but learning
what it really is and how to apply it can literally change our life. In the same way, approving is not an
encouragement to experience more negativity, it's not rationalizing. Learning how to approve of yourself and
others will help you grease the wheels of your own creations.
Especially here in the West, we have a long tradition of
righting wrongs, striving to correct imbalances and fixing things that are
broken. A long time ago we came to
believe that thinking negatively about something will somehow change it into
the positive. We developed and nurtured
a strong belief system that the more something inspires us to feel badly, the
more force we'll be able to muster against it which will help us overcome
it. It's a powerful draw, the desire to
change that which offends us.
The challenge is of course that while we have so many
examples of how we fought the good fight and won, from an energetic standpoint
we know that that these concepts are actually a misuse of our power and the
power of the universe! While we have
achieved some astounding successes in the face of overwhelming negativity by
using our force, we are in fact making it more difficult and creating more
problems for ourselves than is necessary.
When we disapprove of something or someone,
rejecting them or the vibration of negativity at all. Rather, we are actually grabbing hold of the very thing we don't
What we resist...persists!
We are in effect saying to the universe "see this, this
thing I don't like? Could you please
keep this going because I've accepted it into my reality..." and the result is
that the person, thing or event we are disapproving of simply MUST continue in
order to maintain receiving our disapproval!
The way we have used force to overcome negativity in our
history is not proof that positive vibrations resulting from positive thoughts,
feelings and actions doesn't work. It's
proof that the weight of vibrational frequency in those instances merely
shifted slowly. At first the majority
of the vibrational frequency was resonating with negativity, disharmony. As we became aware and dwelt on the
negative, it grew, sustained and festered.
Once the decision was made to change the negative, the shift began...but
The main attention was on the what is "now," with a mere
wish for what could be. As the
intensity of attention shifted from what is to what could be, so did the
vibrational frequency and thus the resulting reality. Finally, when the balance of energy shifted enough from negative
to the other end of the spectrum, eventually the weight of attention had gained
enough momentum and the resulting reality appeared to have changed rather
quickly. In reality, it was shifting
all along from the very first moment attention was given to what could be.
Of course it's entirely impossible to give approval to those
people, situations and things that are giving us pain. It seems that it would add to the wrongs if
we gave our approval to someone who continually abused us. But we're not talking about leaning in for
another slap when we speak of turning the other cheek. Perhaps the wording could have been better
crafted, but the meaning if you look for it and understand energy is clear and
true. By removing the hurt part, and
returning to the scene in a strong and clear way, we release the energy that we
were disapproving of in the first place.
So if righting wrongs and fixing the broken things is such
bad manifesting, why have we developed this pattern? Because it feels pretty darn good in the end, and we love a good
high. Living in a state of
self-disapproval, it feels good to shift the focus of blame for just a
bit. Between enjoying the reprieve from
the disapproval spotlight, and the desire to feel the adrenaline burn, we're
almost more comfortable with negative energy than turning to the positive.
because something is an accepted pattern does not make it valid or true.
Manifesting is much like the process of flying a plane. While the pretty travel brochures show a
simple line connecting the departure and arrival points, the reality of flight
is anything but a straight line. The
job of the pilot is to course correct, repeatedly until safely reaching the
desired destination. It would be
ludicrous for a pilot to say, "oh darn...we're a few degrees off course...I
guess we have to stop and go back to our starting point now..." If they did, we'd never get anywhere!
The same is true with us.
But as we move through our days, our projects, our relationships,
endeavoring to create our dreams drawing us from where we begin to our desired
destination we tend more to abandon the course rather than correct it.
Approval is noticing where you are, realistically, and
still supporting yourself and others.
It's learning to compliment those things we did do well, while clearly
being reasonable about making the changes we still need in order to successfully
complete the journey or create our dream.
Of course as with all self-growth knowledge, understanding
the concepts consciously is far different from actually being able to apply
them in our own lives. The stuck energy
of our painful traumas, negative beliefs and misconceptions have to be cleared
first in order for us to be open to learning how to implement the concept of
giving approval to ourselves and others.
Once we do, however, life suddenly seems to slide easily into place as
our vibration moves from one of force to attraction, one of tightness to
openness. And being open is the only
way we can actually receive.
how to approve of yourself and others may seem a daunting challenge, given how
amazingly annoying, absurd, hurtful and difficult both we and they can be. But as you clear yourself of your own
disapproval, you may find the disapproval you held for others organically
shifting away too. And in the process,
so you'll increase the momentum of your positive manifestations - everything
from a better bathing-suit body to higher sales, more loving relationships and
access to your creative genius - all increasingly magnetized to you...
In Living Harmony,
PS: Learn how you may be disapproving your way out of a happy relationship in this issue's Living Lessons.
PPS - By popular demand, the Living Harmony tele-class series is about to be announced! Watch your email for the announcement and calendar of Learning Living Harmony events throughout this summer.
LIVING LESSON: Dating Harmony
Looking and Seeing...for Real, Before You Leap
There's a seemingly never-ending supply of books about
dating and relationships presenting the reader with what the author claims to
be the exact way to land a man or to get that girl. Some of them present
valid points and sound advice, but there are some very popular ones claiming
that the object of our affections either isn't aware of their true feelings, or
they have some problem that keeps them from what they truly want. And
it'll be up to you, the reader, to figure out how to manipulate them into a lasting, loving
relationship...for their "own good."
worrisome are the tomes citing that men in
their mid-thirties and beyond have been single for so long, there
"must be a
reason." My female clients who are 30-plus, frequently mention this
least once when we are working on their relationship issues. After all
if a man who is successful and has built up some kind of financial
and isn't married, over thirty and good looking... he's either selfish or
unable to truly connect in love ...
right?" or "...but if he's still not financially secure by the time he's in his mid-thirties, he's not ever going to be ready to have a mature relationship..." Whatever their reasons, we're told to disapprove of people who don't follow the rules. And just to make sure, we're supposed to disapprove of their reasons too.
Well, I, for one, don't agree with these theories. And since many of the people who positioned themselves as experts of these rules are now living with the damage disapproving cost them in their own relationships, that should be reason enough. But it's not
that I don't agree on principle, it's that I've got too many wonderful male
friends who are over 30, growing their careers and taking their time
finding love on purpose. They're not selfish...they're just being
considerate and careful, because their decisions affect not just them,
and not just the woman they're dating but their families and friends
too. And the same goes for my single women friends who aren't willing to settle for just anyone so they can confirm to what they've been told is success.
Personally and professionally, I think men...and women...get a really bad rap in
dating. And worse, they are doing it to themselves with all their disapproval!
While experts can propose a plan of action, as in all manifesting no one can guarantee you'll have the same results as the many happy success stories provided as evidence. It is therefore essential that we learn how to clear ourselves of these disapproving thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experiences so that whether we've just found the one or we're still in the middle of our search, we can enjoy a positive experience throughout dating, or any experience for that matter.
So what happens when you release the stuck energy of disapproval and begin to see for real in dating? Read Rachel's Story to see how one woman learned to clear the stuck energy of her past and current dating experiences, and how in clearing this personal subject gave her career a lift too! See if you can identify how Rachel was disapproving of herself and the men in her life as you read through the EFT scripts included in the story - and don't forget to tap along! As featured on the internationally acclaimed Emotional Freedom Techniques web site, this client story garnered a tremendous response from singles and married people alike as they realized just how much their disapproval affected their own relationships.
You can start learning how to create your own Relationship Harmony by clearing your own relationship disapproval with a few Living Harmony sessions. Get started now by visiting the Book Sessions page, or contact me at 646-245-2345 or via email at email@example.com.