Thursday, December 30, 2010
 
 
KIND WORDS


Ask People What They Like
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of Partners in Kindness

Baby
On our block, any time someone has a baby, there are two very special women who arrange meals for the family. They arrange an entire week's worth of suppers. If the family is very large, or it's too difficult for one person to cook the whole meal, they'll call more women and dole it out.

The best part is they first call the family to see if they want suppers at all. Once in a while a woman will turn the offer down. They also ask about the family's likes and dislikes and of course if there are any allergies.

I've made the calls a couple of times when the women weren't available. It's not easy, but it's so worth it.

I loved when someone came to tell me she was so grateful somebody asked her what she wanted. She had gotten way more salads than she could use (she had preemie twins and so people cooked for her for more than a week). It was only her and her husband who would be eating and people were sending over whole bags of lettuce, bowls of diced veggies, etc.

I tell everyone the same thing - if it's going to spoil in 1-2 days, and can't be frozen, only send enough for the people who will actually eat it. Nobody feels good about throwing out food. I also suggest that if the person has time, to please send each vegetable separately. Some people love onions, some don't. The same goes with the dressing. I know it's a few minutes extra work, but wouldn't you appreciate it that way?

Find Someone Who Can
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

When you can't help someone yourself, assist the person you wish to help find someone else who can and will. Be aware of resource people who appreciate helping others.

* Someone who is housebound or in the hospital might need visitors. If you can't do it yourself, find people who are able to visit and influence them to do so.

* Someone who is deeply in debt needs help to raise large amounts of money. This problem could be beyond your personal ability to solve. Perhaps you can find some people who will be able to financially bail this person out of his distressful situation. Or, you might know someone you can ask to advise this individual on what he can do to raise the necessary funds.

* Someone complains to you that they are having a very difficult time with their children. You might know someone who is knowledgeable about how to handle these situations. If you don't know someone who can help, you might know someone who knows someone else who can help.

* A group of individuals can get together to compile a list of resource people for solving various difficulties that could arise. They can then spread the word that their pooled knowledge can be accessed by calling specific telephone numbers.

* Larger cities might have many more resources than smaller towns. People who live in one of the places with fewer resources can find contacts in the larger cities and pass this on to others who need the information.

A general rule to remember is: As soon as you realize that you can't help someone in need, think of some people who might be able to help. You might not be able to think of someone the moment you are asked, so keep it in mind or write it down. Then as soon as you think of a resource person, you can contact the person who is seeking assistance. Imagine the relief of the person you help when you contact him a few weeks later to pass on helpful information. He sees that you have been thinking about his welfare all this time.

One of my students related this story:

When people used to ask me to help them out in some way, I had an attitude, "There are some things that I am able to do and others I am not able. When I can't do anything, that's it. There's just nothing I can do." What helped change my attitude was when I needed a referral for a computer expert who could help me with a nonstandard problem. Most people told me that they couldn't help and left it at that. Then I happened to bump into a total stranger who said to me, "I have a friend who might be able to help. Give me your telephone number." He spoke to his friend who was able to help. This has served as a role model for me to look for others who can help when I can't.



More About Partners In Kindness
Speaking About Kindness

When Shmuel Greenbaum has the opportunity to speak, he rivets his audience's attention through stories and audience participation. Participants come away feeling very positive and excited about doing something great. His excitement for kindness is infectious, as this student from New York City's Stuyvesant High School explains:

I was expecting to attend the lecture given by Shmuel Greenbaum for one period. I ended up staying for four. It is so uplifting, so enlightening, so refreshing to hear someone like him talk, to simply bubble over with excitement at the thought of doing good in the world. He is in his way a role model to us all. You think to yourself, "If only everyone else could practice kindness in the way that Shmuel Greenbaum has, the world would truly be a better place."


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