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KIND WORDS
There are Miracles!
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of Partners in Kindness
As a young girl I wasn't assertive at all, because of an inferiority complex. At school there was a classmate that would make fun of me, and I didn't know how to answer back and put a stop to it.
One day, when I was feeling pretty miserable during recess because of her behavior, two classmates noticed this. They came to me, took me for a stroll in the courtyard, spoke to me and cheered me up. After that I felt much better, and am forever indebted to them.
Their maiden names are Consuelo Kalik and Pola Liebson. I'm writing their names, because who knows, there are miracles and they might get to read this!
Leave People Feeling Better About Themselves
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
A valuable principle to keep in mind is: Leave people feeling better about themselves as a result of having met you.
Some people take pleasure in putting others down. It makes them feel more powerful to make others feel lower. In reality, the perpetration of such a crime lowers and demeans the perpetrator rather than the victim.
The person who leaves others feeling better about themselves elevates himself. The question to ask yourself is, "What can I say to this person that will give him a positive feeling?"
Be sincere in what you say. The goal is not to flatter or to give people a false sense of having a positive quality or attribute that they are missing. Rather the goal is to keep on developing your own "good eye" to see the positive in each person. When you develop positive feelings about other people, not only what you say will make them feel good but also how you say it. And not only your words will accomplish this, also the look on your face and your smile.
Use enthusiastic expressions. Instead of saying, "Not bad," you can say, "That was really good."
Instead of saying, "That was o.k.," you can say, "You're doing great."
Instead of saying, "That seems right," you can say, "That was very insightful."
Here are some other possibilities:
* "I admire your kindness."
* "I respect the way you handled that."
* "You have a lot of courage to do that."
* "That was magnificent of you."
* "I find you an inspiration."
* "There is a lot that I can learn from you."
* "You are so kind to have said that to me."
* "Your goodness is so much a part of you that you take it for granted."
* "Every time I see you I feel happier."
* "Whenever I meet you, I remember the kindness you have done for me."
One of the author's students told him this story:
"I am now embarrassed to admit that I used to take pleasure in putting people down. I was a low-paid clerk at a non-prestigious job. It gave me a sense of being one-up to always say things that implied that I am superior and this person is inferior. Even when I wasn't on the job, whenever someone told me about an accomplishment of theirs, I would say something to the effect that this was minor in comparison with what others have done."
"I changed my pattern after meeting someone who told me that he made a resolution to always leave people feeling better about themselves. I tried to belittle this person in a number of ways. Then the person asked me, "Tell me the truth. How would you like people to feel after an encounter with you?" This wasn't really a question. We both knew what I was up to. From then on I realized that if I really want to feel good about myself, the way to do it is to make others feel good."
More About Partners In Kindness
Speaking About Kindness
When Shmuel Greenbaum has the opportunity to speak, he rivets his audience's attention through stories and audience participation. Participants come away feeling very positive and excited about doing something great. His excitement for kindness is infectious, as this student from New York City's Stuyvesant High School explains:
I was expecting to attend the lecture given by Shmuel Greenbaum for one period. I ended up staying for four. It is so uplifting, so enlightening, so refreshing to hear someone like him talk, to simply bubble over with excitement at the thought of doing good in the world. He is in his way a role model to us all. You think to yourself, "If only everyone else could practice kindness in the way that Shmuel Greenbaum has, the world would truly be a better place."
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Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
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If you have permission to reprint this e-mail, please ensure that you reprint the entire e-mail (including this notice).
Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy.
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what Partners in Kindness is trying to promote.
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