Wednesday, December 1, 2010
 
 
KIND WORDS


Food for Thought
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of Partners in Kindness
Pasta and Salad

A few days ago, someone in my community called and asked when a good time to come over was. I couldn't think of any time for a number of reasons. One, I was very busy and since I didn't know what she wanted, I was reluctant to share my precious time. Second, this same person once said they were coming over in 10 minutes and showed up 3 days later. So I just said that it wasn't a good time.

They called the next morning and asked if they could come over in about 15 minutes for a few minutes. I had really been looking forward to a few precious moments with my husband and once again I thought of the 10 minutes-3 days, and said that maybe after 3 pm would be good.

I got very busy with work and errands and didn't get home until 3:30. Just as I was about to come out of the garage, I saw her pass by on her way to the car. She had mentioned something about returning something to me that was so trivial that I couldn't understand the fuss. Anyway, I got inside the house and my husband told me there was something in the fridge for me.

I happened to be starving as I had missed lunch. I found 2 paper plates. On each plate was a little mound of tuna, covered by 1/2 a green pepper "dress". One half a hard boiled egg had facial features carved out, shredded carrots for "hair" and celery sticks for arms and legs. I sat down and devoured both lunches.

I was so grateful for that food at that moment, and I found the presentation so amusing, that when I called to thank her I felt totally and sincerely grateful. Actually, the timing was perfect. She had made these to "cheer me up". At any other time she would have brought this over I would not have had the appropriate reaction.

Cheering The Grumpy
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press


Wouldn't the world be a much better place if all the grumpy people would be transformed into kind, loving, and cheerful human beings? Those individuals would gain immensely along with all of the potential victims of their negativity.

Imagine telling a grumpy person, "Cheer up," or, "Stop being so grumpy." Will this suddenly change them? Will they stop being grumpy and cheer up? If it were that simple, we'd live in a cheerful world. A group of volunteers would go from person to person and change them. It's obvious that cheering up a grouch is an art and a skill.

There is no magic formula that will work in all instances. But the most effective approach is when you have sincere love for other people. When you care deeply about someone and have sincere compassion you are likely to have a positive effect. Even the grumpiness of people can melt when in the presence of the radiant sunshine of a sincerely loving person.

Don't rebuke a grumpy person. It won't work. Don't angrily tell him to change. It won't work. Enter his world. Understand him. Why is he the way he is? What pain in his life caused him to be this way?

If you try to cheer up a grumpy person and what you try to do doesn't work, don't blame him. Take this as a message that you need a different approach.

If you act too friendly and cheerful when interacting with a person who is consistently grumpy, you are likely to annoy him. One approach is to mirror his grumpy state and then change your state in a way that he follows you as you access a better state. Mirror but don't mimic his facial expression and posture. Mirror his tone of voice, but don't say anything that will be counterproductive. Then little by little allow yourself to relax and little by little access a slightly cheerful state. If he follows your example, you will put him in a better state.

One of my students related this story to me:

I once met a cheerful person who seemed to me that he must have grown up with this attribute.

"You probably were always a happy person," I commented to him.

With a big smile, he replied, "I'm afraid not. I was a difficult child. I complained a lot and was frequently miserable. As a young adult I was highly irritable. People usually got on my nerves. One day, however, I met someone who had a major impact on my life. This person said something humorous and made me smile.

"You have a great smile," he said to me. "You should see how different you look when you smile from the way you look without that smile. Look at the difference in a mirror. Start with smiling. Speak cheerfully to each person you meet. Experiment for an entire month."

"So far my experiment has lasted over ten years and I think I'll keep it up for at least another ten years."




More About Partners In Kindness
Speaking About Kindness

When Shmuel Greenbaum has the opportunity to speak, he rivets his audience's attention through stories and audience participation. Participants come away feeling very positive and excited about doing something great. His excitement for kindness is infectious, as this student from New York City's Stuyvesant High School explains:

I was expecting to attend the lecture given by Shmuel Greenbaum for one period. I ended up staying for four. It is so uplifting, so enlightening, so refreshing to hear someone like him talk, to simply bubble over with excitement at the thought of doing good in the world. He is in his way a role model to us all. You think to yourself, "If only everyone else could practice kindness in the way that Shmuel Greenbaum has, the world would truly be a better place."


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