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KIND WORDS
A Career of Caring
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of Partners in Kindness
I recently started teaching a class on a big college campus. The class is over at 10:20 P.M., and then I have to take the projector and laptop I use (to project PowerPoint slides) over to the technology office on the other side of the near-empty campus.
The first time I did this, there was only one man (Oliver) left in the office, waiting for me to come in and return the college property so he could lock up. He told me that he knew of a classroom empty during my hours that had a projector installed already so that I would not have to cross the campus after teaching a 4-hour class to return the projector to an office that was staying open just for me. He mentioned that in order to get my classroom switched, I would have to contact a certain office.
I thanked him for the idea, but didn't think much of it; I knew that with all the bureaucracy and formality, there wasn't much chance of the college allowing me to switch my classroom just because it would be more convenient.
The next day, I got a phone call from the head of the technology office, Lorna. I was nervous that something was wrong with the projector I had borrowed, but she wanted to know how many students I had, so, puzzled, I told her. She then proceeded to tell me:
"Oliver was very nervous about you crossing campus by yourself so late at night [I'm a diminutive young woman, and it's not the safest of campuses], so he asked me this morning if there was any way we could get you switched to an empty classroom with the projector installed. Every semester, the Registrar's Office allows me one favor, so now I called in my one favor to get you this room. It's all taken care of already; I just wanted to make sure there would be enough room there for all of your students."
These two complete strangers felt concern for my safety and went completely out of their way and beyond the call of duty, without being asked, to make my life so much easier!
First Thoughts
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
What are your first thoughts when you meet another person? People who have a strong tendency to be takers, think, "What can this person do for me?" People who have a strong tendency to be critical, think, "What can I find that is negative about this person?" Some people tend to think, "Do I like or respect this person or not?" And others focus on the question, "Do I feel comfortable in the presence of this person?" And yet others think about, "What does this person think of me?"
When you meet someone, let your first thought be, "What can I do for this person?" This way you will view each encounter with a fellow human being as an opportunity to give and help.
It is relatively easy to develop the habit of asking this question. At first, we need to deliberately ask ourselves this question over and over again. Asking it enough times, will cause it to pop into your mind automatically. After a while as soon as you meet someone you will hear the question, "What can I do for this person?"
Don't continue to read on right now. Stop for a few minutes, and repeat many times, "What can I do for this person?" Enjoy the process. You can even sing these words with one of your favorite tunes. Feel the joy of elevating yourself.
As you repeat the question, "What can I do for this person?" think of specific people you know. Begin with people you like a lot. Then think of those towards whom you are neutral. Finally think about those with whom you experience difficulty in your dealing with them.
We all need the assistance and encouragement of others at one time or another. Even then we can think about how we can help this person whose help we need. We needn't think of this in terms of bartering: He is doing something for me, so I will do something for him. Rather, this can be viewed as part of our general attitude of wanting to help others even more than we want others to help us. Even if someone has more resources than we do, we still might be able to say or do something to enhance his life.
A friend of the author explained how he became more sensitive to the needs of others:
I used to be judgmental towards others. I would automatically focus on, "What is wrong with this person?" and, "What faults can I find?"
I often heard the expression, "When you look for something, you will find it." I readily found the blemishes, the mistakes, the errors, and the limitations. This caused me considerable frustration, anger, resentment, and cynicism. In general, I looked down at others. Others felt this negative energy emanating from me, and this created difficulties in my getting along with others. What I did was the opposite of what one would do if one wanted to win friends and influence people.
The turning point came when I was advised to keep asking, "What can I do for this person?" At first I balked. "Why should I think of others? Others don't think about what they can do for me."
"What do you have to lose?" I was challenged. "Your present situation is highly distressful. It makes sense to do all you can to improve things. Try it for a couple of weeks.
So I joined the ranks of those who ask, "What can I do for this person?" In the beginning, I heard a cynical inner voice, "Who are you trying to fool? This isn't you."
But I was committed to try for at least two weeks and I intended to keep my word. In just a few days, I experienced a major shift in the way I felt towards others. It was unbelievable how powerful this was in changing the way others viewed and treated me. Much of the constant stress that I formerly felt melted away. I had more energy than I ever did before and increased joy. I highly recommend this practice for others. And that is what I can do for you.
More About Partners In Kindness
Speaking About Kindness
When Shmuel Greenbaum has the opportunity to speak, he rivets his audience's attention through stories and audience participation. Participants come away feeling very positive and excited about doing something great. His excitement for kindness is infectious, as this student from New York City's Stuyvesant High School explains:
I was expecting to attend the lecture given by Shmuel Greenbaum for one period. I ended up staying for four. It is so uplifting, so enlightening, so refreshing to hear someone like him talk, to simply bubble over with excitement at the thought of doing good in the world. He is in his way a role model to us all. You think to yourself, "If only everyone else could practice kindness in the way that Shmuel Greenbaum has, the world would truly be a better place."
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Kind Words is a free weekly e-mail distributed by Partners In Kindness.
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Names of people, places, and other details mentioned in these stories may have been changed to protect privacy.
Kindness is like music, art, sports or any other discipline -- it can only be mastered with practice, training, and lots and lots of encouragement. That is what Partners in Kindness is trying to promote.
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