Substituting Better Words

On Hand: Whiteboard, marker, and chart paper.

Mini-Lesson: On the chart paper write the following sentence:

They went into a store that smelled and saw lots of things.

            Ask students to discuss the quality of the words chosen in this sentence. Help them to understand that the language is too vague. Ask questions like these: How did they go into the store? What kind of store? What did the store smell like? What were the things they saw?

            On the board, make a four-box graphic organizer (see below). With students, brainstorm a list of more precise verbs and more specific nouns. Let them know that it's often best to name schools, streets, stores, and so on, even if they wish to make up a name. Naming gives a piece more voice and a sense of validity. Students, in their eagerness, will often offer a type of store: candy store. Show them that the name "Martha's Fudge Shop" is far more fun and evocative. When students suggest clothing for things, invite them to be even more specific: ponchos with fringe, red cowboy boots, pants covered in pockets.

Specific Word Choice

            Once you have filled your graphic, have students work in pairs to create enticing sentences:

They raced into Home Depot, which smelled of sawdust, and saw a wall of hammers.

They snuck in Martha's Fudge Shop, which smelled of chocolate, and saw rows of orange marshmallow peanuts.

            Once you have revised sentences, you can also tweak the remaining verbs for smell (reeked, stunk, wafted) and saw (spotted, noticed, glimpsed, glazed, glanced, observed, stared).

Extension: Read Chapter 5 of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling (1998)-in particular, the description of the apothecary in Diagon Alley:

[Hagrid and Harry] visited the Apothecary, which was fascinating enough to make up for its horrible smell, a mixture of bad eggs and rotted cabbages. Barrels of slimy stuff stood on the floor; jars of herbs, dried roots, and bright powders lined the walls; bundles of feathers, strings of fangs, and snarled claws hung from the ceiling.