Cutting Up the Bones

On Hand: An underdeveloped story (see below), scissors, tape, and five sheets of paper.

Mini-Lesson: Even though you have spent months discussing the need for quality details, even though you have spent a week modeling the development of story, even though you have read aloud fabulous literature, you will still have students that list:

Mandy wanted a dog, but she didn't have the money. First she tried a lemonade stand, but that didn't work. Then she tried doing chores, but that didn't work. Then she decided to work at the pet store. She made lots of money and got to buy a dog.

                Use the text above to model this great revision technique. Point out to students that this piece is organized, but it lacks details. It definitely does not create a movie in the mind of the reader.

                Tell students that you are going to do "surgery" to separate the bones of the story. By separating the bones you will make room to add the body. Cut the five sentences apart and tape each one to the top of a clean sheet of paper. Using the beginning of the story, demonstrate how you would expand:

Mandy wanted a dog, but she didn't have money. Mandy knew that dogs were expensive because she visited the pet store every day. There, she had fallen in love with a little Scottish terrier puppy. The puppy jumped up and down in its cage as soon as Mandy arrived. "I have to figure out a way to make money," said Mandy. "I have to!"

                Later, during writing conferences, suggest that students who have listed conduct surgery. Invite students to share their successful revisions the following day.