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Jerry Curl
Founder Men's Social Network - Tucson
Born October 2nd, 1932 ~
Deceased March 3rd, 2004
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Greetings!
For those members of the Men's Social Network that had the opportunity to know Jerry Curl personally, may we pause today to recall our memories.
For those that have joined his legacy after his passing and of course did not have the chance to meet and socialize with him, hopefully reading the articles republished below will at least allow you some knowledge of the man so instrumental in the formation of the organization that has been so beneficial to the gay community of Tucson going on 16 years. So when and if you hear anyone speak of him, you will know who they are talking about - - and a little of what he was about - -
Jerry Curl Memorial Day - - March 3rd, 2010 - - a continuing Celebration of Jerry's Life ~ ~
the Men's Social Network of Tucson
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 Everything Changes.......
By Les Elliott (reprinted from the March 2004 edition of "The Network News", Vol. 10 #1.)
Jerry Curl and I were two of the original six men who got together to help form what has become the Men's Social Network. On Saturday, March 4, 1995, we had 49 men who were interested enough in the concept to come and check it out. We said we'd consider ourselves a success if we had 60 members by the end of the first year. We were short sighted. We had 100 members by our 101st day of the group's founding. But...everything changes. We now have had over 300 members for many years. We're still the largest gay groupt in the entire state---and that's something to be proud of. Many people have put in a lot of time and effort into the success of MSN. I'd like to offer my thanks and appreciation to every single person who has helped out in some way. We couldn't have done it without you.
I don't see change as necessarily a bad thing. It just is--and it's the one constant in life. Wait, and things will change. You can have a hand in the change, or the change can happen if you just stand still, but---trust me---things change.
Jerry and I are udergoing the biggest change of our lives. As you know, Jerry was discovered to have tumors in his lungs---just two days before Christmas last year (yeah...Merry Christmas, indeed!). He got in and had a biopsy in January, and it was confirmed that it was cancer---melanoma, to be exact. As if that wasn't bad enough, it was quite advanced. Only 18 months before, he had a clear chest x-ray and a pristine MRI. In that short time, the cancer evolved and grew to dangerous proportions. The source of the melanoma has never been discovered, and Jerry becomes one of those minorities in which the source is never found. Not that it matters now, anyway. The damage is done, and the insidious host lurks within. The prognosis is not good, but hope really does spring eternal. The statistics are not in Jerry's favor, but I'd be a fool to underestimate Jerry. A mere three months ago Jerry had every appearance as a very healthy man. Everything changes...and sometimes too quickly.
Since Jerry and I have always been a team, my life changes with his. I've altered my workload, I've changed days and hours on my clients, and I've adapted to the challenges that Jerry is facing. People have expressed concern for me at this time---and while I deeply appreciate it, I feel I have it easy. Nothing I face compares with what Jerry is undergoing. Yes, I'm more stressed...but in perspective, my life is a sweet fall breeze next to Jerry's. But, as I've been saying...everything changes.... Next month will be my last as the editor and publisher of The Network News. I was originally going to announce in this newsletter that in one year's time, I would be giving up the News. My goal was to do it for 10 years, then pass it on to whomever wanted to do it next. Unfortunately, I won't meet that goal, and that's okay. Sometimes you find out the goal isn't nearly as important as you thought. I need my time for something far more important---Jerry.
It's up to all of you guys now.... Help MSN be a vital and active part of the Tucson gay community. Get involved and volunteer to host. Help with the newsletter. Everything changes, and I hope you'll be a part of the changes for MSN in the coming years.
Signed Les
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 Year End Assessment (Curl's Corner)
(One of Jerry's last articles - published in MSN The Network News, January 2004, Volume 9, Number 10)
During the holidays we have ample opportunities to assess the year that is reaching a close. Are you satisfied with the year you are ending? What is the basis of your assessment? Do you measure by what has happened to you, what you have received, things you have accomplished, or how you may have contributed to the lives of others?
Sometimes we become so wrapped up in ourselves that we assess everything in life as to how it affects our lives. If we become "over" involved with ourselves, it can contribute to disappointments, depression, and removing ourselves from the lives of others. If our concentration is on how our lives are affected by others, we may forget to consider how our lives have affected others. Have you left someone alone, hurt, unappreciated, rejected, or unhappy? Let's admit that there are people who can be so intolerable that it would drain our own energy to try to meet their needs, and as we assess, we need also to consider what is healthy for our own lives too. Some balance is required.
As we assess the year past, we are also provided with opportunities for making decisions about how we want to change our lives in the approaching year.
If you are feeling alone, have you invited someone to your place, to attend a social activity with you, to simply converse or share a meal or a movie? If you are waiting for someone to invite you, you are losing a chance to give to someone else and at the same time to meet a personal need of your own to be with others.
If you are a person who speaks and thinks negatively and drains the energy from people who want to be kind to you, now is a good time to move toward more positive thoughts and conversations. Nobody wants to be engulfed with negativity from someone who never has good experiences with health care workers, weather, health, store clerks, social workers, or other contacts. If a person constantly experiences negative reactions from others, there is a good chance that the negativity begins within.
Persons who think they must constantly talk to be an effective conversationalist, may learn that listening is the most effective communication. A person who can't wait to break into someone else's conversation and start submitting views, facts, or opinions that doen't interest trhe other conversationalists(s) will soon be ignored or avoided. By listening carefully and checking out the thoughts of others, you may find openings for injecting some of your own thoughts as long as they are offered and not imposed.
If you don't attend activities because you don't know who will be there, why not invite a friend to go with you and to spend some time learning a new activity. A game night provides a variety of games, and learning can always take place while you are watching others and then you can begin to participate. People are usually kind about teaching a new person what is involved in any activity.
Again, are you satisfied the way you have spent 2003 (2009)? if not, what steps are you taking to improve 2004 (2010)?
As the year draws to an end, Les and I would like to thank the many generous friends who have sent holiday greeting cards. We continue to choose to extend our friendship throughout the year personally, and only send greeting cards to people out of state that we don't have an opportunity to socialize with regularly. Please know that our decision is not meant to be inconsiderate. We love our Tucson family and appreciate you all very much.
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 Angels Among Us (Curl's Corner)(written by Les Elliott and published in MSN The Network News, April 1994, Volume 10, Number 2.)
On Wednesday, March 3, 2004, Jerry Curl left us. Triton (his faithful dog) was on one side of him, and I (Les Elliott) was on theother as Jerry took his last breaths and departed. It was as Jerry would have wanted it---surrounded by love to the last. And Jerry always liked to be surrounded---as the many friends in MSN can attest to.
Jerry was one of the original founders of MSN. Although he made a conscious decision to never be the president Jerry was MSN's goodwill ambassador---and the very essence of what MSN aspires to be. If there was a new person or a shy guy in the group that day, Jerry did his very best to see that he was not alone. If someone needed help, Jerry was right there. If you needed encouragement, Jerry was the guy to give it to you. Jerry never turned anyone down when they asked for something, and that's not just lip service, it's the literal truth. Not onkly was Jerry the goodwill ambassador, but he also acted as the Treasurer for many years, and was our official public relations contact. Anyone who inquired about MSN almost always spoke to Jerry first, and what better point of contact could a group have? Jerry is a major reason MSN is as large as it is (note: membership then was at 327). His positive attitude, high energy, and loving spirit will be sorely missed by everyone who knew him.
For those of you who read Jerry's column in February, he stated that he had discovered a growth in his lunds on December 23, 2003. As it turned out, it was a melanoma that has metastasized to the brain, the spinal column, the left femur, and some ribs. Despite chemotherapy and radiation, the cancer contrinued to grow. On February 27, the doctor said he would be stopping treatment. Two days later, Jerry began the hospice program. Three days after that, Jerry was gone.
Jerry was born in Chicago on October 2, 1932, and the family soon moved to Paris, Illinois. Jerry graduated high school as part of the top 10% of his class. He hadn't considered college until a school counselor p[ointed out his good grades and said he could probably get a scholarship quite easily. As most of you know, Jerry went on to eventually get his doctorate. Growing up in the 50s, Jerry assumbed he would get married like everyone else and have lots of kids. So, he did. He finally decided to follow his true nature and came out later in life. He had five children, and among them is one who needs to be singled out. Jeff Curl is an oncology nurse who is married to Jane, a Pulmonologist. The two of them were invaluable while Jerry was going through his bout with cancer. Jeff visited his dad twice this year, and was the best son a father could hope to have. Jerry was most grateful for the help Jeff and Jane gave him during his most trying time.
As part of February's column, Jerry wrote the following: "Dr. Bernie Siegel makes a poignant statement in his book Peace, Love and Healing. It is good food for thought. He states 'Those people who see dying as their failure to hold death at bay do not know what success is. A successful life is not about not dying. It is about living well'. I have enjoyed a remarkably happy life...."
And Jerry gave everyone who knew him a piece of his happiness.
Jerry Curl: October 2, 1932 - March 3, 2004
(MORE SCATTERED NOTES - - . . . . I know this issue has a lot of Jerry Curl related items in it already, but I need to add one more. Thanks to all the MSN members for their love and support of Jerry and myself. Jerry had hundreds of calls, emails, and get well cards during his fight with cancer, and I have had an equal number of calls, emails, and condolence cards. I just want to thank all of you for your love and concern. --- Les Elliott)
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A Thank-You Letter to MSN . . .
(was published in MSN Network News, May 2005, by Jeff Curl)
Dear Men's Social Network,
On this, the year anniversary of the death of Jerry Curl, I would like to express my belated thanks to all of you who played such a meaningul part in my father's life. I especially want to thank those who participated in dad's life celebration: those who helped set up and cater the event (the food was superb, by the way), those who offered and/or housed family and friends, and those of you who expressed their condolences to me or shared their memories of dad. Thanks to those of you who came to the celebration but were unable to talk to me personally - I could sense your quiet condolences in your eyes and facial expressions.
It's funny, but since dad's death, whenever I'm out and see a gay couple, I have an urge to approach them and spark a conversation because they seem like family to me in some way. I have yet to approach anyone yet; who knows, maybe some day I will.
To my extended Tucson family, here is my wish for a meaningful and peasceful future. I know you all will keep the family spirit alive in your community. Thank you for bringing joy into my father's life.
Love, Jeff Curl
(Note: Jerry's Celebration of Life was held on Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 4PM at St. Francis in the Foothills United Methodist Church. After the Celebration service, there was a Meet & Greet period with food and drink. It was a chance to eat, drink, and be with Jerry.)
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