Essance Newsletter - NO More One-Sided Relationships!

ONE-sided relationships - When you are the one always giving!
Stop doing things that do not BENEFIT You!
By Sonya

One the most limited resources that we have is time. You can never regain or relive the time that you lost whether it was good or whether it was bad that was it. After spending many years in a marriage, and it came to nothing I refuse to spend anymore of my time doing things are being in relationships whether it's friends and even family as well and it doesn't benefit me. When I speak of benefits, I am not necessarily talking about money even though if you are the one always footing the bill then please add money to the list. They have a new term in this 21st Century called, 'friends with benefits.' What it really means is that someone is benefiting off of being associated with you and you are the one left holding the bag. Here are some examples:

You have a friend and every time the two of you go somewhere or do anything you are the one footing the bill.
The two of you are BBF's but she is the one who always call you and dump her issues on you, but when you are going through she's busy.
They want sex but not a committed relationship.
They want your emotional support but you're the one left alone to deal with your emotions when it's your time.
They want you to do things that a wife would do but not have to do what it takes to ask you to marry them.
They want you to be a woman in hiding while the other woman gets the benefits of actually being the woman.

Maybe I am aging myself but Staci Latimore use to sing a song, "I found love on a two way street but lost it on a lonely highway." Then she would moan about it. (lol)

This gentleman approached me on the other day, and asked me for my number. He was attractive so I gave him my number. When we spoke he stated all of the rights things but I had to stop him as he tried to let me know that I only have a couple of weeks left and that he wanted to spend some time with me.
As I listened to him, he thought that I couldn't hear his sexual under tones. So, I stopped him right there and I said, I am not your average chick, so don't approach me in this manner. Your conversation is headed down the wrong path. So let me just tell you about me, I am a woman of God and I practice celibacy part of me was like don't tell him that but I did. (you see the devil doesn't want women to think that be celibacy is possible and ladies it is beautiful, I have learned that I am worth the wait and you are too). You see he wanted the benefits of a relationship but didn't want to pay the price and neither put in the time to get to know me. You see people want relations but not a relationship. The funny thing is he begins to confess to me that he is a Christian but he doesn't go to church, STOP, DEAD END, CONVERSATION OVER, I see this isn't going anywhere DELETE. (lol)

You see when you keep going into these one-sided relationships it's not going to work in your favor. Stop, minimizing who you are and place some boundaries and teach people how to handle you. You are precious and valuable. Don't allow people to depreciate your value. This might mean them not being around but oh well, their lost not yours. Don't let people make you feel like you are not worthy of good benefits. You deserve to be treated like a lady, bring back those old values of opening making them open up the door for you, buy you dinner, picking you up and say good night. Stop, thinking that you owe them sex because of dinner, come on girls.

Let's do the math: They take you out for dinner and they pay $25 more or less for your meal. They spend maybe a half of tank of gas for the cost of $15. You decided that they should have some sex at the grand total of $40. You just gave them your body in exchange for $40. You are more than just a slap it up, flip it and rub it down. Is this how your going to spend the rest of your life!

Don't listen to those who say that there is a shortage of men and you believe them so you start giving yourself to someone else's husband, boyfriend or man. Women look for men because they don't know their worth. When someone walks into a department they know if they can afford it or not, high end department stores do not have layaway. High end department stores have concierge service. I once walked into a high end jewelry store and they offered drinks or wine, concierge service and much, much, more and above all of that they were very attentive. They had police guarding the doors. You must understand that these diamonds were rare and expensive. Why, am I telling you this, you are a precious, rare, an expensive gift from God. For the bible says, that her worth is far above rubies and that you are not to throw your pearls be swine, (those who will just misuse you)

The bible says that Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, no sex, no nothing but he desired her enough to put in the time and the work. I wonder just how long they had to work for you (days, week, month)?

Let's talk about it, these types of people feel like they are the ones doing you a favor by having them in your life. They treat you as though you should only serve them, then they lie and manipulate you to continually give to them even if your storage (emotions, pockets) is empty.

Now if you have already gone through these types of relationships and didn't learn anything then you left with nothing. If you are finding yourself continuously entering into these types of relationships then you need to stop and ask God why, do I keep attracting the same kind of people. Learn from your mistakes and pray not to make another one. When God shows you signs, like stop, dead end, then believe Him.

Some people would quote that God tells us to be a cheerful giver, and yes He do tells us that when we give how our attitude should be as we give. When God tells you to give, He is the one who repays you not necessarily with money but peace, joy, rest, etc. The bible tells us about seed time and harvest time, then the bible tells us that when we give that it shall be given back to you press down shaken together running over shall men give into your bosom. God tells us that when we give a tenth of our earnings by tithing that He would open up the windows of heaven and pour us out a blessing that we will not have room enough to receive. The point that I am trying to make is that there should be a return on any and every investment in your life whether it is in a relationship, friendship, family, and business.

No one walks in a department store and just give money without receiving some merchandise in return. If someone walks into a store and doesn't pay for their merchandise then that is called stealing. We understand that the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. Are we allowing people to rob us of our time, money, energy, and effort? It's time to take inventory! Maybe you are on the other end of this scale, are you the one always expecting people to do things for you and you never do anything for them in return?

Listen to this scripture:
For which of you intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it-lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, This man began to build and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider. Luke 14:28-31

Before entering into any relationship we must sit down and count up the cost. How is being in this relationship with the person going to benefit me? Will it be all about them? Will it leave me broken and damaged or will it give me joy and peace? Since we don't know the future we are to first seek the kingdom of heaven by asking God is this someone I need to be in a relationship with? Is this someone that I need to do business with? God are these people in my life sent by you are by the devil to destroy me? It's time to stop being in relationships that are only one sided! The time has come to surround yourself with a select few, who truly love and support you just like you love and support them. The bible says this:

You say, 'I am allowed to do anything.'-but not everything is good for you.
You say, 'I am allowed to do anything.' -but not everything is BENEFICIAL.

1 Corinthians 10:23

The time has come to stop wasting your time on anything that isn't going to benefit you and let go of these one-sided relationships. AMEN.

Beautifully Speaking,

Sonya
If this article blessed you then let me know: sonya@wherebeautyisdefined.com