Set-backs are normal, and to be expected, it's part of coming to terms with the destructiveness, 

and drawing on your own power again.

Women usually leave after a whole lot of one-sided effort, and after drawing the line and setting weak boundaries repeatedly, swearing that if he crosses the line one more time, then we will go.  

But he did, and we didn't.

We give more chances than anyone would ever be expected to give, and we don't mind doing so, because every time we expect that this will be the time he really gets it, hears us, and then things could improve.  And he seems sincere in wanting to make it work too, so we believe, and we are patient, 

soooo patient. 

Before we know it, years have passed and we are still going in the same circle, still as unhappy and drained as we were 4, 10, or 15 years ago.  Still as devalued, invisible, and disrespected as we were back then.

  Somewhere along the way, we become clear and see that it isn't going to change, and that usually happens after we start getting too tired to keep putting in such tremendous effort for such little reward and acknowledgment.  

The more we know, the quieter we become because we stop expecting, but we keep hoping just the same, secretly.  The more accepting we become, the more we lose ourselves, and the angrier we feel inside.

When you have to silence yourself to make it work, to not offend or to protect him from pain, not upset him, or not rock the boat...your authenticity is being traded, and eventually it will be lost.  To exist in a destructive, toxic world, you have to be empty inside and have no expectations, and like it or not, you will eventually mimic some of the toxic person's behaviors, 

as that makes it easier to cope 

until you start to become numb and unemotional too.

Don't let the daily calm that comes from playing along fool you.

 This isn't the way it's supposed to be; being stuck for so long doesn't mean you can't begin again.

You just need a strategy & the right kind of support.

From the first realization that it will never change, the journey becomes more personal, more difficult and more painful.  

It's y-o-u time, for the first time.

That pressure is scary.  

It conjures up all the "what-if" thinking you can imagine, and it brings up your worst, most secret fears and beliefs.  

 But once you know in your heart that things will never be right, there is only one thing left to do...because you've already done everything else.  You know when it's time to give up, no one else can convince you but you, and it is your responsibility to draw the line, and make the leap.  You have to put yourself first to save yourself, to save your sanity, to help your kids understand what "normal" actually is, and to give yourself the rest of your life back.  

Or...you have to shut up and put up, resign to your life and your relationship being exactly the way it is, forever. 

It is your choice, even when you think it isn't.

Unfortunately,

women always want to stay.

And I tell them, 

the only way to stay is to give yourself up to the destructiveness, to accept it, to stop expecting it to change, to stop expecting him to get it, to stop asking for questions to be answered in a way that makes sense, to stop asking him to understand the pain he causes you, to accept he is a cheater and a liar, to accept that you are not first in his life, he is.  In order to stay, you have to let it all go and accept that your life will be far less than the ideal 

than you ever imagined, and you will never be heard.

Fortunately,

most women reject that 

  because accepting it means your relationship life is hollow forever, that you are damaged, and will continue to be damaged even in your acceptance, because it is impossible to be in contact with a destructive person and not be damaged.  It is impossible to silence yourself indefinitely and not be damaged emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and/or physically. 

(if not by physical abuse or attack, then by health problems)

I understand women who want to know the secret to making their unworkable relationships workable or more tolerable.  Their reasons all make sense to me.  I totally get it, and I've had the same questions myself at times, and I reasoned away years of my own life trying to "make it work."  

Our type is good at reasoning, and most friends, counselors and therapists do not get it, and are not trained in this area to the extent that is needed to help.

But the timing has to be right for you to 

Start Over.  

The realization has to be there on your terms, and statistics or someone telling you what can be accomplished won't mean anything until you feel the desire to change your life in your soul, until you want it bad enough, because you have come out of denial,

if you want to start over. 

Denial can only take you so far.  

After that, you need courage.  

And after that, you have to talk yourself into 

a new story, even when it isn't yet true.

Your courage is buried under all the coping you've been doing.

 If you are trying to rebuild your life, 

and your time has arrived, 

I can create a personalized 

 Start Over Success© Program 

for you.

I understand what goes on under & in the drama and can help you make sense of the past and the chaos, 

so you can move forward, guilt free, 

into a destruction-free future.

It IS achievable 

&  

you DO deserve it 

What is it going to take for you to 

invest in yourself & your future?

If not now, when?

If nothing can change, what are you waiting for?

For women who like challenge, who are highly empathetic, overly tolerant, and ultra loyal, 

beginning again is not easy~we never want to lose or give in...the harder things get, the more determined we become, essentially 

trapping ourselves by our own ability to cope.

These are your traits in action. 

When your traits are in automatic action like that, they direct you to respond a certain way.

They will always be there & they will always be the same, and they will always guide you to be understanding, tolerant, and empathetic at your own expense.  You must learn to work your traits to your advantage, and I'll show you how in your personalized 

Start Over Success© Program.

I'm inviting you to take the rest of your life.

It is waiting for you.