The Bachelorette Lowdown     

Ashley Hebert The New Bachelorette

 

The new season of The Bachelorette started off with Ashley Hebert at the command.  Bad love may be on the horizon for Ashley, though, given what I've seen in the premiere.  I don't know if she has ever had a toxic relationship, but I see things in her personality make her a prime target for unfulfilling or abusive relationships.  I'll be pointing these things out as the show progresses, and I'll be assessing the bachelor's and their interactions with Ashley; if you've ever had bad love in the past, this is a great opportunity to learn how to avoid it in the future. 

Ashley was first seen on The Bachelor last season with Brad Womack, who dumped her for being insecure and uncertain about him.  She says she couldn't understand why she held back with Womack, whom she claimed to be in love with, and as host Chris Harrison interviewed her on the first night of The Bachelorette this season, it was clear she felt it was her "fault" for not being chosen.  Harrison built on the theme, positioning her as an insecure woman who mistakingly pushed "real love" away due to her own issues, in spite of revelations that have since surfaced about Womack being a loose cannon.  

It was at the end of last season when Harrison interviewed Womack and Emily, the girl Womack did choose, when Emily freely discussed Womack's hot temper, stating his family had even warned her about it, and that it was causing problems between them:  http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/03/emily-maynard-after-the-final-rose-im-not-ready-to-marry-brad-womack/, yet nothing of the sort was mentioned as Ashley was situated as a self-saboteur.  

No mention was made that Ashley was wise, or that she could use that skill to her advantage this time around.  Seems to me she had good instincts that should have been acknowledged, but even she doesn't seem to know that about herself because had Womack picked her, it was clear she would have jumped right into his arms in spite of that niggling little uncertainty she felt. 

The fact that she talks of regret about last season is alarming and it reveals a lot about how she chooses men and ignores instincts~a common trait amongst women who have a habit of choosing bad men and dangerous relationships.  This season, Ashley proudly tells us, she will go for love this time with no regrets; I smell danger.  This challenge she's given herself to ignore the one thing that was keeping her safe speaks volumes.  She sees backing off from Womack (for no reason she can put her finger on), as something regrettable.  She blames herself for losing in love, when she should be congratulating herself for her natural ability to spot the riffraff and see truth; that hesitation that she couldn't explain was the voice of her intuition.  It is a tool all women have but we often devalue it.  We need to value it, we need to listen to it, and we need to act on it, no questions asked.  

With Womack, Ashley didn't act on her instinct and cut him loose when things weren't adding up for her.  She waited for him to call the shots and in doing so, gave her power away.  Women should choose men based on their instinct sometimes, and nothing else.    Intuition doesn't need to be understood or rationalized-it is telling you "this" isn't right, move on.  No second guessing to make sense out of it, just act accordingly. 

Ashley's intuition stuck her in the uncomfortable middle and she still doesn't realize that discomfort is what saved her from Womack.  Intuition takes us out of feeling and into assessing~it commands that we notice discomfort as a warning sign, and the discomfort is good, it is trying to help us feel what we cannot see so we can make the right decisions.  The discomfort pulls us out of fantasy and into reality, and that is the divide we balance on when choosing an intimate partner.  The unspoken sense we get is based on a subconscious hunch that helpfully, automatically, surfaces if we are ignoring other information, or if we are in the land of fantasy and chemistry.  If we don't trust it or understand that it is automatic, we end up going in the wrong direction.  

Ashley is a pleaser who needs to be liked and accepted, and that will lead the rescuer-type (like Womack) right to her, as well as abusive and stalker types.  The saving grace could be using intuition because it would allow her to rule out the men who are likely to take advantage, but so far, I've only seen her discount it.  She accepts what the bachelors say on face value, appeases them, lets them pick her up and carry her around, violating her personal space as she giggles even when she is uncomfortable.  She tries to make herself likable, non-threatening, and agreeable, giving the benefit of the doubteasily, building up the self-deprecating guys like a mother would for her child, and in doing so, encourages a pursuit before she even knows who she is dealing with.  As Ashley foregoes instinct and regret, heartache is surely on order.