Metal is famous and infamous for it's fashion statements. It depends on how you feel about codpieces. But some metal stars leave no doubt that they would have been better off strolling on stage nude. Here follow some of the worst offenders...

 
Ozzy

The Prince of Darkness has many black marks on his fashion rap sheet...

This muumuu is made of marijuana--not hemp, marijuana.

...never has anyone struck a more dignified pose in a less dignified outfit.

Don't drink and dress.

 ...a little known Ozzy prank was the time he bit the head off Liz Taylor and stole her clothes. 

Axl Rose

We're not saying Axl didn't used to look cool, but his inner douchebag quickly consumed him, like a serial killer committing his first murder...

Rockin' so hard, he didn't notice someone stole the rest of his bike.

...this definitely constitutes desecrating the flag, and you can bet yer ass no American soldier ever wore bobby socks with his combat boots either. 

...what if Big Bird was a gangsta who busted your gramma's costume bling? There ya go.

You know where you are?? You're in the cardiac intensive care unit, baby! You're gonna diieeeee!!

...look, we just we wanna know how the hell he got our dad's shirt.

 

Bruce Dickinson

 

We recognize this might a controversial choice. After all, Bruce is a dashing dude, once described as the Errol Flynn of rock, and he's had some good outfits over the years...

Great bracer, but what's with the landing strip armpit hair, generally reserved for a stripper's vajayjay?

...but we chalk these up to him making some cursory show of reform, because his fashion rap sheet is long and damning. Consider this strong evidence...

The band was called Samson... so why shave a nipple? WTF is it with this guy and body hair??

Sadly, the blond highlights are the least least-metal thing here.

 ...a unitard made of shellacked pumpkin leaves and a ventilated poet's shirt. He was Errol Flynn.

 

The boxing booties actually aren't helping.

 

...fishnets... fishnets!

 

A ski bum commando baseball umpire birdman in Egypt.

 

...like we said, we wasn't serious about reform.

 

This is your captain speaking... this song is called The Trooper!!!

...ok, now we're being d*cks. Bruce is a bonafide airline pilot who flies the band--and their roadcrew, and their stage set--around the world in a freakin' 747... you know how the average human is 75% water? Bruce is 99.9% testicles. Still, he could have dressed like this!

 

Black Metal

Yeah, all of 'em. Why sample one silly dish when you can taste the whole preposterous buffet? Someday, one of these crazy Norwegians is gonna put an axe in our chest, but not today...

Couldn't be bothered to paint his hands.

...real being from the netherworld. Resemblance to $49.99 Magical Troll costume from Halloween Adventure Costume Super Store is eerie coincidence. 

Actually, just a really, really dark mime.

...it's like cotton candy, except it gives you mad cow disease.

Words fail us.

 ...naked, standing in a lake, fellating a muffler... just try and think this through. We dare you. Your brain will tear down down the middle.

Us

The reigning heavyweight champions...

F**kin' idiots.

...don't even get in the ring with us, because we will knock you out with our stupid.