In the pantheon of potential parings, I can't get any better than King Hell and pro-wrestling, can it? No Sir, it cannot! This Thursday, 9/9, we're playing with BLOWW, the Boston League of Women Wrestlers, at the Middle East in Cambridge MA. As you can see from the pic, BLOWW could pretty much be our sisters. And we know you've often thought, "I love King Hell, but I wish there were more of them than the Duggars." Wish granted! Don't miss this slam-ily reunion... that's right, "slam-ily". If you've got a better pun, send it along Oscar Wilde. 

We've had the honor of receiving a glowing piece of press by one of Earth's most esteemed music journalists. We were featured in Steve Simels infleuntial PowerPop blog, which is a seriously excellent, eclectic read, even when we're not being effusively praised there. Steve's resume spans more than 35 years, and his columns in the groundbreaking Stereo Review magazine are legendary. Drop by the blog, leave a comment, and subscribe! You won't regret getting his daily insights, and you'll get turned onto a decades worth of great music.

While metal is unquestionably the greatest musical artform ever advanced, poetry it ain't... which, coming from us, is pointing out the obvious. Yet there songs with even more brain injured verse than our own "Retarded Forces Of Doom"...maybe. Anyway, here are some nominees:

 

 

Sample lyric:

 

Apparently no older rocker ever took Flotsam & Jetsam under his wing and showed them exactly how a groupie encounter was supposed unfold. They got it mostly right, until the tragic end. All alone? Check. Love has grown? Check. On your knees? Check. Unfortunately, this is the point at which their macrocephalic groupie rears back and drives the bands' penises through their pelvises with her 8-head.

 

Sample lyric:

  

Ever seen a metal box

 Sample lyric:
Give me fuel

 

 

 Sample lyric:
The bitch is hungry
She needs to tell
So give her inches
And feed her well

 

We couldn't begin to guess what the above picture means, but that's what came up when we googled "scorpions" + "ruler" + "retarded". It still makes more sense than Scorpions lyrics, about which the only clear thing is that they're often wildly offensive. In this instance, some poor woman wants to tell them something. Maybe the theater is on fire! But the Scorps conclude the best course of action is, not to listen to her, but to immediately "give her inches" (which probably perplexes her greatly). Note, there's no mention of how many inches we're talking about here. More than 1" is required, but a 2" bratwurst meets the requirements--minus the "well fed" part.