This night is packed with, not one, not two, but eight other destroyer-lating (another new word!) bands, and it's all-ages. Doors are at 6:30, we're on at 7:30. Be sure to tell them you're there to see KING HELL \m/ \m/

 

The following Sat. 7/31, we're off to Dodge Street in Salem MA to seek revenge for the Witch Trials. ...Terrible, terrible joke, but we're on deadline here. Anyway, we're playing with Capt. Cutthroat, who rock (and are quite insane). It's gonna be bitchin'! Here be the Facebook invites: King Helll @ Highline Ballroom, King Hell @ Dodge Street

 

We finally made us a music video, and, apparently, we shoulda done it sooner, since it's racked up nearly 2,500 views in a week. Behold, visual awesomeness for our song "Brooklyn", shot at Gramercy Theater. Click here to watch the video!

It occurred to us that have we've never communicated why we look the way we do, and that some of you may be wondering, "Are they, like, the Village People of metal?" No! ...Nothing so coherent. See, King Hell are a rogue team of music heroes--the Epic Defenders of Metal & Funk! ...Look, we half-assed this whole thing from the start (Möfö used to wear an apron, for whatever reason) so just enjoy the bios below.

 

 

Possessed of a 666 decibel voice, Samwell is heavy metal's champion superhero. He had a pacemaker implanted-just so he could set it to 11. "Purveyors of feckless twee-rock be warned: I will totally smite you with my two horned anvil, strip you of your fathers' cardigans, and burn Dio's name into the lenses of your oversized nerd glasses."

 

 

The only escaped clone of Dr. Funkenstein, Zigabot rumbles the junk in yo trunk with the elephantine bass tones booming from his 69 inch woofer. He takes parties to new levels with his roof raising bionic afro, and hypnotizes ladies with his solid diamond platform shoes. "People, I will turn this mother out, as I have turned out all your mothers."

 

 

 

Spitting hot lead and smokin' vocal melodies, Doc Thompson is music's gangster avenger, punishing crimes against rock. No fake angst or blatant example of bogus bed-head goes unanswered by his Tommy gun, 'Wendy O.' "I aim to put a bullet through any album with more than 50% songs about girlfriends."

 

 

A vigilante from a post-apocalyptic future ruled by a cyborg Justin Bieber, Möfö has traveled back in time to battle the insidious forces of Radio Disney. "Die Zukunft der drecksack Justin Bieber und Mickey Maüss Klub ist invertiert. Dröhnen Schwein!" (Editor's note: Möfö speaks only Future German. No translation is possible as this language has yet to exist.)

 

Shille-Lee - Drums

 

 

Hitting the skins with a pair of nunchucks, Shille-Lee is Earth's foremost (well, only) master of Irish Kung-Fu, which consists mostly of drinking Guinness and meditation. He would contribute a quote but A) he doesn't speak, and B) even if he could, he's too busy playing drum solos upside the heads of wave after wave of attacking ninjas.