Dear ,
Greetings! I'm sure you join me in my state of disbelief as I look at the calendar and realize that 2012 is off and running at a pace I hope I can sustain. Part of the pace is due, I'm told to getting older...I however prefer to believe it is because of all the exciting "happenings" that are occurring at The Center; happenings which would not be possible but for the support of our community partners.
Recently The Center was awarded a significant grant which will be used to remodel our shelter. This is a huge project that will ensure our shelter is in top condition for the next 25 years. Projects like this require tremendous support from our community partners. I am happy to welcome several new community partners to our family; the Elliott Foundation, the philanthropic arm of Elliott homes; the North State Building Industry Association; Home Aid Sacramento and Studio 81 International! Thank you for your enthusiasm, resources and expertise. This is going to be a fun project!! A special shout out to Board member Jan Coffrini for connecting all of us.
Another tremendous community partner is our volunteer force. I am amazed at their generosity, dedication and willingness to jump into the trenches with us and do what is required to support our clients. Be sure to read the Holiday Adopt a Family wrap up report to learn what a spectacular job you all did in ensuring a happy and magical holiday for so many of our families.
In addition to our individual donors, private foundations and the like, The Center works closely with several government agencies. One in particular, Child Protective Services (CPS) invited us to come and talk with them about our services and particularly the impact on children who witness domestic violence. It was an honor to be with nearly 30 individuals who care so deeply and who are responsible for ensuring the safety of the children in our community. We are looking forward to the upcoming training CPS will be doing for The Center's staff later this spring. It is our hope that by strengthening the relationship between us we will be able to address the impact family violence has on these kids.
Along those lines, be sure to read "Parenting with Compassion" in this issue and check out The Center's upcoming Parenting with From the Heart classes that will be starting in April.
Thank you again for your continued support. I hope you enjoy this edition of The Center Now.
Peace~
Matt
Matt Huckabay
Executive Director
P.S.
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Volunteers ROCK!
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Discover the joy of volunteering at The Center! We love our volunteers! They are dedicated, hard working individuals who have busy lives and we appreciate that they spend some of their valuable time volunteering here at The Center.
Last year the Center was voted one of theBest Places to Volunteer in El Dorado County by Style Magazine!
If you or someone you know would like to volunteer, you're in luck!!! Our Winter Volunteer Training is coming up on Tuesday, February 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm.
You are invited to join us for our Volunteer Orientation on Saturday, February 12, 2012 from 10:00 a.m. until Noon. We will join together to participate in a heartwarming experiential exercise, 'Walk the Domestic Violence Walk', which will give insight into what it feels like to walk in the shoes of someone experiencing domestic violence.
If you have not visited our lovely facility here yet, this educational event will familiarize you with where we are and what we do. We hope that you will attend this very powerful experience as you seek more information on the SVU 'Special Volunteer Unit' here at The Center. Attendance at this informational gathering is not required in order to attend volunteer training, however, it is highly recommended.
Just a few stats for you...over the past 6 training sessions 41% of the trainees have either become 'very special volunteers' or have been hired as staff. Our SVU works right alongside staff in the work we do contributing over 6,600 volunteer hours. So, we look forward to joining with you in 'being' the change that we want to see in our community.
Click here to view our current schedule of classes and to print out a volunteer application.
If you have any questions about volunteering at The Center or if you would like to attend the Volunteer Orientation, please contact our Volunteer Coordinator, Martha Borders at (530) 295-4205 or MarthaB@thecenternow.org.
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Holiday Wrap-Up
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The holidays can be very difficult for children in families where domestic violence is present. Often times families are separated and the joy that once surrounded the holiday is gone. This year, our generous donors helped 171 kids, 262 individuals and 78 families have a brighter, more hopeful holiday. 
Three days before Christmas, donors came bearing beautifully wrapped gifts for our clients. Our hearts are always warmed by the extraordinary generosity of the people in our community. Our volunteers spent countless hours organizing and arranging the gifts and the shopping room to make everything perfect.
On December 21st, Santa showed up and helped us hand out lots of goodies to the 
kids! This year our generous donors helped us serve 78 families, 262 individuals and 171 children! Here is a letter from a participant of the holiday program:
"Thank you so much for the Christmas gifts you provided for our family. To all who was involved at The Center, ... you guys are a true blessing...You have given me a chance, my wife a chance to have beautiful open communication. God bless The Center for all you do, you guys are amazing. And once again thank you so much, for so much. Happy Holidays." ~ A Grateful Family
Thank you to all of the VERY GENEROUS donors who helped make the holiday a little brighter:
Lyman Austin
Anne Bartlett
Bath & Body Works, both in Citrus Heights and in Folsom
Jennifer Betts
Jan Blossom
Blue Shield of California
Bruce Brown & Diamond Springs/El Dorado Firefighter's Assn.
Cindi Brown & Audrey Kellog-Brown
Maureen Carter Kelly
Claire Ercolini's Bunco Club
Cecilia Clark
Dr. Boozer's Dental Offices
Susan Dunlap
El Dorado County Sheriff's Department
El Dorado Savings Bank
Janelle Fetcher
Steve & Patty Fletcher
Virginia Fontana
Maureen Gill
Robin Golden
Betsy & Dick Kerr
Joan & Roland Kling
Jackie & Mel Kraakevik
Rosie Lamour
Jane Lee
Forrest & Judith Lewallen
Nannette & Michael Lubinski
Brian Ludwig
Marie Hickman and her golf club
Marshall Medical Center
Charles & Leslie McClone
Faith Episcopal Church
Kathy Messina
Jan Metsker
Judy & Jack Monestier
Rachael Moorse
Lisa Neau
Nina Palomar
Lois Patrick & Bill Fuser
Freda Pechner
Joanne Perry
Kathy Pike
Cheryl Pintar
The Placerville Masons
Susan & William Powell
Judith & Steven Rex
Roger and Judith Reynolds
John Roberts
Anthony Rodolico
Vicky Schecter
Cathy Schneider
Margaret & John Shetler
Silva Valley School
Richelle Siters
Joan Smith
Tina Smith
Jennifer Sommercamp
Soroptimists International of Placerville
Marlene Spiker
Story Construction
Shawn Stremsterfer, State Farm Insurance
Frank and Anita Stubenrauch
Lisette Suder
Jan Sutton
Neville Taxes
Marcie Trujillo
Brooke Wunschel
We couldn't do it with out you!!! Thank you for making the holiday brighter for so many!!!
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Parenting With Compassion
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By Eddie Zacapa
Children do not come with parenting manuals. Parents, through trial and error, try to figure it out as best they can. They may buy books on
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Edge of Motherhood Hallmark Card, Photo credit: Hallmark, Russ Ediger, Writer
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parenting and discipline or default to how they were parented. Societies trends on parenting can also influence how parents show up and interact with their children.
But what if the sources we are drawing from are off the mark and not in our children's best interest. For this reason, it is important for parents to re-examine how they were parented, the social trends of the time and even the books they are reading on parenting.
Alfie Kohn references in his book that almost 25 years ago, a social psychologist named Elizabeth Cagan reviewed a number of contemporary parenting books and concluded that they mostly reflected a "blanket acceptance of parents prerogative," with little "serious consideration of a child's needs, feelings, or development."
She added that the dominant assumption seemed to be that the parents desires were automatically legitimate and that the only real question "open for discussion was how, exactly kids could be made to do whatever they're told."
Holding Children's Needs With Care
I don't think this should be the number one concern for parents. The number one concern should be connecting with children in such a way that their feelings and needs are held with care. If we do this, we model respect and cooperation as opposed to only demanding it. We send a radical message to our children that they matter to us and that what they have to contribute is of value as well. Our children are no longer robots who must obey or docile, dependent children focused on only pleasing us (that they cannot think for themselves or trust themselves).
Nonviolent Communication, founded by Marshall Rosenberg over 40 years ago, offers a different approach to parenting. It empathizes getting in touch with the child's feelings and needs and honoring them in such a way that they are considered in decisions and not overlooked.
Unfortunately, many times parents get caught up on the "bad" behavior of a child instead of looking deeper and what might be their feelings and needs behind the behavior.
When the parent has their own interpretation of the behavior they are observing, and operate from that premise, they lose touch with compassion and parenting from the heart.
Getting Past The Story
Parents tend to create a story about the behavior or child. For instance, a parent might say, "Johnny is being a selfish little brat. He is always trying to get his way."
This is the parent's story and not necessarily the truth. The reality may be that Johnny wants to play with a toy that his brother is playing with. He may feel sad, upset, angry and needing reassurance that there will be fair play or sharing of the toy. He may have a need for fun as well. If the parent focuses on this rather than their story of the child they can then try to meet these needs for the child and help the child see that there may be a healthier strategy (that does not involve hitting or name-calling) to getting this need met. The parent is now teaching the child a healthy way to get his or her needs met and there is no interpretation or label lobbied at the child.
The parent might say, "Are you wanting to play with the toy as well? Are you really wanting to have a turn? Are you upset because you want more sharing? How about we each take turns and you can play with it for 10 minutes each? Would you be willing to call me next time if you would like sharing or need help instead of hitting or raising your voice?"
These are just some examples of things to say to help your child learn new ways to meet his needs without labeling him. These questions all honor the child's needs and make room for a strategy to be suggested that will work for both the child and the parent.
Whereas when we operate from the story we may respond by saying, "You are so selfish and you never share. You are grounded." This story if believed by the child may have him conclude that we are right and that he is just selfish. He may also get defensive or more rebellious. If he submits he may do so out of fear of punishment or lack of self-esteem.
If you are interested in learning more about nonviolent communication and parenting from the heart please contact The Center. We have a parenting class starting in April 2012. Please call (530) 626-1450 for more information, or visit our website at www.TheCenterNow.org.
 | | Eddie Zacapa and his son Andrew |
Eddie Zacapa is the Positive Solutions Coordinator at The Center. He is also the founder of Life Enriching Communication. Eddie and his wife, Rachel, live in Northern California. They have two children, two turtles and two guinea pigs.
Reprinted with permission from Harmony of The Heart - a blog by Eddie Zacapa. 
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Did you know...
that February is
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month?
 | | "Let Your Heart Rule" - PSA for 2011 Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month |
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The Center for Violence-Free Relationships is dedicated to building healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual assault and domestic violence through education, advocacy, and services in western El Dorado County.
The Center is a nonprofit 501(c)3 organization. All contributions are tax deductible and vital to continue our services.
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IT happens in our community...
IT affects men & women alike...
IT happens every 2 minutes.
44% of IT happens to children...
The ripple effects of IT continue for years...
But how can we stop IT... if we won't even talk about IT?
Sexual Assault...talk about IT.
Donate now and help us
End IT. 
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THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR COMMUNITY PARTNERS
  
 
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The Center's Board of Directors
Joedda Wick
President
Client Services Manager
DST Output
Barbara Bossung, RN
Vice President
Community Activist
Jan Coffrini
Secretary
Community Activist
Francie Heim Treasurer Retired Deputy Superintendent El Dorado Office of Education Althea Hurley Community Activist Robert Geyer Senior VP Customer Operations Blue Shield of California Doug Hoisington IT Consultant John Moalli, Sc.D. Executive/Engineering Consultant Exponent, Inc. Lecturer - Chemical Engineering Stanford University Elizabeth Zacharias VP Human Resources Aerojet |
Domestic Violence
Sexual Assault
24/7 Crisis Help Line
530-626-1131
916-939-6616
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| Support The Center | |
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CENTER'S SUPPORT GROUPS
Domestic Violence Support and Education Groups:
Tuesdays 5:30-7:30 pm
Wednesdays 10:00 am - 12:00 pm
CAP - Women's Changing Abusive Patterns
Peace First - Men's and Women's Workshops on Improving Relationships
MAAP - Men's Alternatives to Abusive Patterns
(English and Spanish)
For more information on these groups call
(530) 626-1450 or
(916) 949-4464
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The Center was voted one of the top 2 Favorite Charities and one of the Best Places to Volunteer in El Dorado County by Style Magazine!!
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THE CENTER'S CALENDAR
February
Volunteer Orientation
Sat. Feb. 4, 2012
10:00 am - 12:00 pm
At The Center
Volunteer Training Begins
Tues. Feb. 21, 2012
6:00-9:00 pm
At The Center
Nonviolent Communication Foundations
(8 week series)
Mon, Jan. 23-Mar. 19
6-8 pm
April
Parenting from Your Heart
(8 week series)
April 2 - May 21
Mondays 6:00
For more information on these classes, please contact
Eddie Zacapa at
(530) 295-4210 or EddieZ@thecenternow.org
Volunteer Training Begins!
February 21, 2012
for more information
contact Martha at MarthaB@thecenternow.org
or (530) 295-4205
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"Photo Courtesy of Our Beautiful World & Universe."
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A Simple Hug There's something in a simple hug That always warms the heart; It welcomes us back home And makes it easier to part
A hug's a way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you
Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear
A hug is an amazing thing -
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say
It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and type,
It's always understood
And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts
a poem by Johnny Ray Rider, Jr.
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Domestic Violence
Sexual Assault
24/7 Crisis Help Line
530-626-1131
916-939-6616
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Make a vehicle donation and help The Center!! When you donate a car, truck, boat, motorcycle, or RV through Your Donations, Inc., it will directly benefit The Center and the work we do. Get rid of an unwanted vehicle and help The Center at the same time. With free towing and no hassle paperwork donating your vehicle is a breeze Not only do you get the satisfaction of helping The Center and our clients, your donation may qualify you for a possible tax deduction (consult your tax professional) Get started today and begin the vehicle donation process today! Call 1-888-736-6283 or click here to get started today!!
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