The Center for Violence-Free Relationships announces its 28th Annual Season for Change Gala on Saturday, November 5th, 2011 at Mercedes Benz of El Dorado Hills.   

The Season for Change Gala is the premier food and wine event showcasing the best of El Dorado County and proceeds from this event are a major source of funds needed to provide services to families affected by domestic violence, sexual assault and will help us meet the increased demand for violence prevention education programs in our schools.

d by The Center's Board Vice President, Barbara Bossung in her lovely home in El Dorado Hills. Spend the afternoon relaxing by the pool with your friends and enjoying delicious lemon drop libations and savory nibbles. You will also be pampered by 3 certified massage therapists!

 

Date: Friday, May 18, 2012  4:00-6:30 pm.

 

Sign up early, only 33 spaces available!  Click the "Buy Tickets" button below to register!

 

Smokin' Roast

Gentlemen, get ready for an evening of smoking n' eatin' at the home of Board Member Doug H

oisington. Sign up for this fun event with some friends - Doug will provide fine cigars,scotch and he'll BBQ up some awesome tri-tip! Simple and a bit rowdy, this evening promises to be a great time to hang with great friends.

Date: Saturday, May 12, 2012 6 - 9 pm.

Hurry, there are only 36 spots available!  Click the "Buy Tickets" button below to register!

 

By Martha Borders  

September brought closure to The Center's Financial Empowerment Grant project.  The Center was awarded a grant from Allstate and the California Coalition to End Domestic Violence to facilitate a five module workshop for our clients.  The modules continues to be posted on our website so that anyone not able to attend the monthly groups can still realize the benefits of cultivating mindfulness surrounding their relationship with money. 

The modules and their topics are listed below.  You can brush-up on your own areas of interest, or refer a friend that you believe may benefit from the principles of striving toward financial independence. 

Financial Empowerment Module One - Understanding Financial Abuse, Keeping Safe & Starting Over

Financial Empowerment Module Two - Income, Assets, Debts & Liabilities

 Financial Empowerment Module Three - Mastering Credit Basics

Financial Empowerment Module Four - Building Financial Foundations

 Financial Empowerment Module Five - Creating Budget Strategies, Saving, Investing and Education.

One of the main threads of understanding we emphasized with the participants is that mindfulness toward how we view the incoming and outgoing of our finances helps us cultivate qualities of attention so that we can more fully greet and be available for what unfolds in our lives.  We invite you to enjoy some of the positive comments expressed by those who regularly attended the sessions. 

"The financial basics I've learned have helped me to make better choices and to prioritize debts. For example, I have learned how to manage my 'spending gaps' better and only eat out once a month."  

"At first I was embarrassed to discuss my situation but with support I began to trust people to help me read my credit reports and be able to open my mail and deal with whatever I receive."

"My main financial difficulty had been the lack of involvement with my finances as I was a stay-at-home mom for twenty years. Now, one of the first things I've learned was about building credit in my own name."  

"Since attending classes I have made a workable budget and have created a future savings plan.  I have gained the knowledge to make my own informed decisions. I feel that I am empowered, and that I can do this on my own." 

Living in Such a Way that Contributes to Life    

Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication (also known as giraffe language), in a workshop I attended defined good and evil in a way that helps us to see beyond the good and evil paradigm.    

He said that he defined good as that which serves life and evil as that which does not serve life. Many times we see things as good and evil and then categorize individuals as good or bad and in so doing create enemy images of others. By defining good and evil as Rosenberg does we do not have to judge others but can determine if their actions are serving life or not.     

Many times when we see someone as bad or evil we automatically think of them as the enemy, a monster, or scum. This triggers anger and rarely ever leads to change or connection with the individual. Many times it leads to war. I think this is why Jesus said, "Do not judge."     

Instead of picking sides we can simply evaluate if we or others are serving life or not. Then we can make suggestions for ourselves or others to do things that will help us or them to serve life. When I started to look at things in this way, I started to evaluate if my actions and my life were serving life. Every moment of every day we can ask ourselves, "Is what I am doing serving life?"     

And if we happen to fall short we no longer need to judge ourselves and beat ourselves up by telling ourselves that we are bad. Instead we simply mourn our actions that are not serving life and make the adjustments necessary to get our life on track. It is when we say things like, "I am so horrible" that we get in trouble.     

We can also evaluate if corporations, schools, churches and businesses are serving life or not. Rosenberg states that when it comes to doing things for the right motivation (to serve life) in the business world "we must be concerned that our product serves life. That our motive is not to make money but to serve life." He adds, "Don't ever, ever do anything for money but request money to meet your need for meaning."     

When what we are doing is serving life we have a sense of purpose that brings peace and harmony to our life. Max Lucado writes in The Applause of Heaven, "There are certain things that you can do that no one else can. Perhaps it is parenting, or constructing houses, or encouraging the discouraged. There are things that only you can do, and you are alive to do them. In the great orchestra we call life, you have an instrument and a song, and you owe it to God to play them both sublimely."     

The world needs us to find our gift or talent and the world waits expectantly for us to not only find it but to use it to contribute to life. May your life be one that is serving life and is bringing you and others joy. May you find the strength to let go of the habits, hang ups, and/or patterns of life that do not serve life and find joy in giving.     

Article reprinted with permission from our own Eddie Zacapa's blog Harmony of the Heart. 

The Center offers a number of educational and support groups and workshops that are designed to help attendees achieve their goal of peaceful, supportive relationships with family and friends. The benefits of support groups and workshops are many and include reduced isolation, improved communication skills, trust building, and improved decision making skills. All of this occurs in an atmosphere of acceptance and empowerment which is so important to each individual's recovery from abusive and violent pasts. An added bonus is the sharing of ideas and tools that have helped others.

For women who have experienced emotional or physical abuse in their intimate relationships, we have a evening and a morning support group that meets once a week.  Our Tuesday night group is at 5:30 pm and our Wednesday morning education support group is at 10 am.

For those who are mandated to attend a batterer's intervention group, our 52 week program is certified by El Dorado County. We teach members about the dynamics of violence, power-over strategies, non-violent behavior, nonviolent communication (NVC), and role definition. Separate groups are offered for men and for women and participants may join throughout the year.

MAAP (Men's Alternative to Abusive Patterns), the batterer's program for men, is designed to help them map out a healthier course for their lives that includes a nonviolent lifestyle. We work alongside men on this journey of discovery and growth by creating a safe and welcoming environment. Our groups are intentionally kept small (no larger than 12 individuals per group) to increase connection and effectiveness. We believe that domestic violence is a learned behavior and that the good news is that it can be unlearned. We are excited about partnering with men in helping them become better husbands/partners, fathers and individuals.

CAP (Changing Abusive Patterns) is our women's batterer program. The CAP program is designed to help women discover healthier ways to resolve conflict and heal from past abuse. We care about creating a safe and welcoming environment so that our clients will feel comfortable and thrive in making positive changes in their lives.

Our Peace First Workshop (also known as conflict management workshop) is a 12 week program. Peace First helps participants find healthy strategies to resolve conflict. In this workshop participants will learn how to go beyond managing their anger and deal with the core issues behind it. Participants will also learn about what constitutes power-over others and how to use power-with others to resolve conflicts. Some of the topics that will be covered include dealing with anger in a healthy way, nonviolent communication (aka: giraffe language), the power of empathy, listening skills, ways to deal with stress, jealousy, the dynamics of alcohol, codependency and domestic violence, and dealing with transition/separation. These 12-week workshops are available to both men and women.

For more information on any of these groups, please contact The Center at (530) 626-1450.

THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR COMMUNITY PARTNERS

The Center's Board of Directors

Joedda Wick

President

Client Services Manager  

DST Output

Barbara Bossung, RN

Vice President

Community Activist

Elizabeth Zacharias

Secretary

VP Human Resources

Aerojet

Francie Heim

Treasurer

Retired Deputy Superintendent

El Dorado Office of Education

Althea Hurley 

Community Activist 

Jan Coffrini

Community Activist  

Robert Geyer

Senior VP Customer Operations

Blue Shield of California

Doug Hoisington

IT Consultant 

John Moalli, Sc.D.

Executive/Engineering Consultant

Exponent, Inc.

Lecturer - Chemical Engineering

Stanford University

Jessica Schmitz 

Senior Account Manager

Catalyst Marketing Company

THE CENTER'S CALENDAR

The Center's

Season for Change Gala

Saturday, November 5, 2011

See the article in this Enews!

The Center's Holiday Program is gearing up.  If you'd like to adopt a family please contact Martha Borders at MarthaB@thecenternow.org  

or (530) 295-4205  

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The Center's Book Drive

The Center conducting a book drive.   

We are in need of some of the main staples in our lending library as we are out of these books and they are essential for our clients.  

Please consider donating any of the following books which can be dropped off at The Center through the month of October.