May 2010 News from Little Green Tree House

Helping to Build Your child's Independence at Home Will Help Them at School!
Erin Lyon - Director of Education

As much as we love our children, the ultimate goal of parenthood and your child's growth is the development of independence, learning self reliance, and gaining the ability to solve problems on their own. We all want to raise independent, self-sufficient human beings and to help our children with this process as much as we possibly can. This can be especially important in a school setting like Little Green Tree House. The teachers at Little Green Tree House work daily on the skills that are building your child's independence but even with all that they do your child may still find times when they feel overwhelmed and will need your support to overcome their discomfort. Here are some ways that you can help to foster independence and self esteem in your child at home.

Making Choices
Your child's ability to make choices independently is crucial to the development of self-reliance and self-esteem. Encourage your child to make choices by giving your child the opportunity to make choices in a safe environment. However, only give your child choices if you are able to accept what your child decides. It is usually helpful if they are choosing between two things and you are comfortable with either outcome. For example, instead of asking your child if they want to go to bed, you may ask your child if he or she would like to brush their teeth before or after a story.

Completing Tasks
Help your child to set realistic goals and assist them in following through so that they complete their tasks. This will help your child gain a personal identity and a sense of accomplishment. For example, toddlers may be able to pick up their own toys, but they will need encouragement and help to complete the task.

When Your Child Needs Extra Support
While it is important to build your child's independence, recognize when extra comfort or support is needed. When your child is tired or not having a good day, your child may need you to do things they would normally do themselves. Sometimes a child's blossoming confidence is better supported by your additional comfort and help.

Practice Situations with Your Child
Helping your child find solutions builds independence so provide them with appropriate challenges from time to time. For instance, you can ask them to identify potential problems or dangers and how to avoid them; what might they do to avoid falling on the playground or how could they go about completing a certain task. These questions can help them think about using their own abilities in specific situations.

Being a Part of Your Child's Independence
When your child begins to display a better sense of independence, or becomes frustrated or feels a lack of motivation in this regard, it is important to be a part of the process. Share your child's joys and express pleasure in their good decisions. While it is helpful and even recommended to give your child pointers as they try out new things, let them learn that they can do things on their own as well.

Speak with Your Child's Teachers
In school, you can help build your child's independence and self-esteem with their help and support. Speak to the teachers regarding your child's progress, make sure you are encouraging the same behaviors and learn what new skills your child has been mastering at school. Reinforce your child's growing independence at home and remember that even as your child takes steps forward toward self-sufficiency, they will often regress when tired or stressed.

Be Confident About Goodbyes
Your departure is hard on your child, but if you act as if it's no big deal and you know you'll be back soon, you'll help calm their fears. Phrase your goodbye in a sympathetic but matter-of-fact manner, and then make a beeline for the door. If your child does dissolve into tears, try not to let them see that their feelings are upsetting you.

Practice Being Absent
You can help your child get used to your leaving and coming back by using a timer. Set it for five minutes, and tell them "Mommy's or Daddy's going away in the other room for five minutes, and will be back." Once they understand that you'll return, set the timer for longer periods of time until they are ready for a longer separation.

Show Them You Love Them
Consistently give your child love and support and they will build the confidence they need to set out on their own. Encourage them anytime they try something on their own, but don't push them away when they run back to you for reassurance. They will want and need this for a long time to come.

Conclusion:
While it is more work to raise independent children, the long-term payoff is well worth the extra effort. Even the smallest steps you take now to help guide your child towards independence, no matter the age, will be beneficial in ultimately reaching the long term goal of independence.