13th Annual International Survivors of Suicide Day

November 19th, 2011

LifeKeeper Quilt Program

Facilitator Training Opportunities

Survivor Outreach Program

Please Contact Lisa Davis (AFSP Indiana Survivor Support Committee) for more details on any of the above programs at lisadavis4afsp@hotmail.com or call the chapter at 317.774.1377

If you have a quilt square that needs to be turned in for the 2011 walk season, please return those ASAP so that the quilts are ready for the walks this Fall~ Thank You. 

Survivor of Suicide Loss: One Father's perspective.

December 4^th, 2006 marks the worst day of my life. My 19 year old son, Kurt, ended his own life that day, just 6 months after graduating from high school and 3 months into his freshman year of college.  I have never experienced so much mental and physical pain in all of my life. It was a day of helplessness, fear, anguish, despair, anger, and failure. Yes failure. You see as a father, I was charged with a responsibility to my family to not only support them, love and care for them, but to keep them from harms way. Regardless of the helplessness in this situation, the reality for me is that I failed to protect my son during his time of need. I failed to bare his burden and protect him from whatever turmoil was going on inside of him. It is a powerful burden on my heart that cannot be talked away and I question whether I will ever fully forgive myself.

Probably the most profound words spoken to me (by my wife Lisa) over the past 4 years is that everyone grieves differently and no two people can fully understand the burden of grief that we put on ourselves, but there is a commonality among all of us that have experienced suicide loss and an understanding that no one else gets. I totally agree with her on this point. There is no way to accurately explain what it is like to have lost a loved one to a disease that so many do not recognize, understand, or care to acknowledge. There is no way to convey the hole in our hearts to individuals that cannot get past what a shame it is because "we should not outlive our children".  They are right we should not out live our children, so let's do something about it rather than just say what a shame it is. Let's talk about the fact that my son was a handsome young man, strong in his love for children and animals, hilariously funny, and artistically creative, but suffered daily with a depressive disorder. Let's talk about the stigma linked to anything labeled as a "mental illness" and the reluctance to admit to anyone that such a problem might exist. Let's talk about the never ending pain that will forever reside in a father that misses his son everyday. The pain never goes away, we simply build up enough tolerance that we can mask it so we can continue to function.

I will never fully understand the pain and sorrow my wife feels in her daily struggle, because she was his mother and I do not know what that is like. Just like my wife will never fully understand the pain and struggle that I have in my heart as his father. For some the loss raises a question regarding faith. In fact, for some the method of loss causes them to think in terms of a life wasted or even a question regarding Gods mercy on the souls of those who have committed suicide. My response is simple; my son lives in heaven with our lord and savior. If he would have left this world by some other disease no one would ever question his place in heaven, so please never make the grave error to pass judgment on my son or anyone else afflicted with a depressive disorder. His life brought me so much joy that the only waste would have been never to have known this extraordinary young man and the love and joy he brought to my life.

I am confident that we will band together to help those in need and eliminate the stigma to bring this disease to a level of awareness that can be dealt with without scrutiny.

God bless you all and keep you in a place of love. I offer prayers to all and to anyone in need.

Douglas Brattain  

Pictures from the Indianapolis Motorcycle Ride can be found on Facebook (Indiana Chapter Page)

The AFSP Indiana Board of Directors has made getting the MORE THAN SAD program into ALL Indiana middle schools and high schools a priority for 2011-2012!

*Free to our Hoosier schools- provided by money raised in the Out of the Darkness Walks in Indiana*