"When you use feelings of anxiety as a signal to let go, you begin to discover your own ways to free your primal energies from the lock-hold of old mental and emotional patterning." Sally Kempton Personal Note from Janet I just got a new iMac this summer (transitioning from a PC) and this is the first newsletter I am composing on it. I am having a blast learning how to use all of the features and synching it with my iPad and iPhone. This is all new territory for me as I have never had interest in learning how to use technology nor taken the time to get properly trained (as I am doing now). I have always learned just the bare minimum to get by and it feels really good to raise my standards and challenge myself to learn a new skill. I am amazed at how empowering it feels each time I master something new. Another thing I have enjoyed this summer is going to some weekend workshops. One workshop was called Positive Psychology: The Science of Happiness, given by Tal Ben-Shahar. It was a fantastic workshop and I recommend Tal's books on Happiness if you are interested in learning more. One thing he emphasized is that the way we think about things strongly impacts our level of happiness (or unhappiness). When we have a problem (such as with our challenge with stage fright) it is so easy to focus on the negatives and not see any positives at all about our situation. He spoke about thinking in ways that include the word "AND", such as, "I have this challenge AND there are also things I can focus on that are positive about me and the situation I am facing that work in my favor". Interestingly, Tal has shared openly that he is an introvert and that public speaking does not come easily to him (even though he was a Harvard professor and did not let this stand in his way). I asked him more about the things that have helped him the most in dealing with his performance anxiety and he quickly named two things: Acceptance and Exercise. He said that accepting he has this fear, and all of the feelings that go along with it, has made a big difference in easing his experience with the fear when it arises. He also spoke of the importance of regular physical exercise for him in reducing his stress and helping him to feel more relaxed and confident when he faces this challenge. I thanked him for not allowing his fear to stand in his way by avoiding public speaking as he has much valuable information to share with others. He is a wonderful presenter, too, and you would never guess that he has challenges with public speaking. I would be happy to help guide and support you as you work on your own challenge with this fear. Please visit my web site to learn about the many ways I can help you through my books, CD, newsletters, workshop and coaching. Sometimes we also need a refresher, so if you have had any lapses along the way, I encourage you to contact me for some support and reinforcement. ***One last thing...for those of you who have read my newest book, Getting Over Stage Fright, and who have found that book helpful to you, I would love to have you write a review on Amazon if you are willing. I have many positive reviews of my first book, In The SpotLight, on Amazon (and always welcome more), but relatively few reviews of my Getting Over Stage Fright book. These reviews make a huge difference for so many people when they are wondering whether a book will be helpful to them or not. It would be a big help to me and to others if you let others know how this book has been helpful to you. I thank you in advance if you are willing to do this to support my work in helping people with stage fright. If you have not yet read Getting Over Stage Fright, you can find out more about it and order it by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/GOSF_book.htm. You can also visit www.amazon.com to read some reviews of my book and order it there. Also, if you order this book, be sure to request the special Checklist of Tips I created as a free bonus to those who purchase my Getting Over Stage Fright book. Many people have found this checklist to be very helpful in dealing with their speaking or performing challenges and I am sure you will, too. A few things to note... The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop is being planned for September 22-23rd, so please be sure to sign up as soon as possible as the time is almost here and you will have to act quickly to reserve a spot in the class. You can find more information about the workshop at http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm. See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear. I want to thank those of you who have given me such positive feedback about my books and CD. I am very thankful for your words of appreciation for my work and knowing it has brought such value to you in helping you with this challenge. A few other things of interest: ***Please visit my Facebook page and "like" my page so I can connect with you more there: http://www.facebook.com/JanetEspositoPage?ref=ts ***And here is my You Tube debut, if you have not yet seen it (not perfect, but good enough). Please be sure to post a comment, too, as I would love to hear from you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YFVkFdyZrg ***I am excited to announce that I have three translations of my In The SpotLight book in the following languages: Polish, Czechoslovakian, and Portuguese. This is amazing synchronicity in that my family heritage is both Polish and Czechoslovakian so it feels even more special that some unknown forces in the universe are at work with publishers in these two countries seeking out my work (not having had any idea of my family background, especially given my married name is Italian)! One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!
 
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and/or field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!
Here is an inspirational story from a former workshop participant from a couple years ago:
Hi Janet,
I wanted to write a little note to you today. I woke up this beautiful sunny morning with an unusually strong feeling of calm and peace. Then I remembered: last night I delivered my 10th speech at Toastmasters. The manual given to all Toastmasters members includes 10 projects, or speeches, each with a different objective, such as 'research your topic' or 'inspire your audience'. Members who complete the 10 speeches receive a "Competent Communicator" award, and last night I was the happy recipient of my award. Wow, if I ever truly earned anything in my life, it was this award. They gave me a standing ovation and I bowed 3 times, smiled as big a smile as I ever have in my life, and thought to myself "You deserve this standing ovation! Enjoy every second of it!"
My 10th speech was titled "In the Spotlight" and it's objective was to inspire the audience. I spoke about my fear of public speaking, how it had taken a fierce hold on me many years ago, a dark cloud hanging over my life each and every day. I talked about my endless attempts to "cure" myself, to no avail, and then I talked about finding your workshop, it's powerful effect on me, and how it propelled me to join Toastmasters and finish the job of getting over my fear once and for all. Dead, buried, gone.
Your workshop was literally a turnaround moment in my life. I started walking in a different direction ... a direction more comfortable for me and better suited to who I am as a person. I no longer get a pounding heart or sweaty hands prior to speaking, nor do I obsess and torture myself for days prior to a speech. I am not 100% comfortable "in the spotlight", and I still feel a little bit of nerves prior to hearing my name called, but it's completely manageable and nothing remotely close to what I used to feel (which was to run for the door, or pray for a bomb to drop on the building so I wouldn't have to speak).
These days, my challenges are different. I am focused more on speech delivery, on choosing a topic that would interest my audience, and trying to learn to be in the moment and better connected with myself and my audience while I'm up there speaking. I know as I continue with Toastmasters, I will eventually meet those challenges and achieve true success at public speaking. This journey, which began with your workshop, has had a positive impact on how I think and feel about myself not just in the area of public speaking, but in all areas of my life. Getting over this fear has empowered me, and it feels great!
When I think of where I was just 2 years ago, and where I am now, the word "miracle" comes to mind. But it wasn't a miracle ... the change I was able to experience came first and foremost from you and your workshop, then my determination not to let my chance to end fear's grip on me slip away. Your workshop was my springboard; without it, I would not have been able to go forward and achieve the success that culminated in last night's award.
Your workshop changed my life, yet all I can offer is a simple thank you. It hardly seems enough, but know that it is truly heartfelt!
THANK YOU!!!
Marlene P., Event Manager
PS: Marlene wrote me another note recently and mentioned that she is now the VP of Public Relations for her Toastmaster's club. Her comment about this: "Unbelievable!"
6 Steps to Easing Stage Fright
I have been a fan and devoted practitioner of yoga for many years and have found the practice incredibly helpful in many ways, including calming and relaxing my mind and body, reducing agitation and reactivity, and cultivating more consciousness and self-awareness. I love to read Yoga Journal, as well, and this month there was an interesting article in a section of the magazine called Wisdom, entitled "Untangling Anxiety" by Sally Kempton.
In the article, the author outlines six steps to ease anxiety, and I adapted these steps to address the experience of performance anxiety (stage fright), as follows:
- When you notice the familiar feelings of performance anxiety begin to happen - in anticipation of a speaking or performing situation or while in the situation (e.g., the racing heart, erratic breathing, tightness in the chest, frightening thoughts, feelings of loss of control) - focus first on observing where the anxiety, fear, pressure and tension are showing up in your body. See if you can practice mindfulness as you notice what is happening in your body with a curious attitude, allowing yourself to neutrally observe what is happening rather than reacting with fear or judgment about what is happening.
- Then focus on your heart, slowly and fully breathing into and out of the area of your heart. Allow your heart to be open and receptive to the calming effects of your slow, full inhalations and exhalations. You can imagine breathing horizontally through your chest wall, in and out of the heart area, or imagine breathing down from your nostrils into your heart through the center of your chest.
- After taking a few minutes to center in your heart, gently ask yourself, "What about my situation is causing my anxiety? What am I afraid of?" Reflect on this with curiosity and take note (in your head or on paper) of all of the things that may be contributing to your fear and anxiety. For example, some of the things you reflect on may include the following, "Am I afraid that others are going to see how anxious I am? Am I worried that I am not as prepared as I should be? Am I reacting to an inner pressure to please others and be perfect? Am I afraid of losing control or failing in some way? Am I afraid of feeling and looking vulnerable in front of others and losing credibility and respect?" Don't analyze anything at this stage. Just notice what is going on that is fueling your fear and anxiety and consider the anxieties and fears that may be deeper and less obvious.
- Bring awareness to the thoughts running through your mind. You may not be able to detect specific thoughts but, instead, you may experience "a kind of mental squeeze or constriction - not discrete thoughts, just a general inner miasma of negativity." In any case, you may gently ask yourself, "Can I let any of this go at this time?" Reflecting on this question can sometimes ease the mental constriction, though let it be okay if you cannot let any of this inner pressure and turmoil go at this time. Try to practice self-acceptance rather than engage in frustration and upset with yourself if this is the case. Just keep noticing this mental squeeze hanging on without reactivity or judgment about it. Just let it be as it is as you observe what is happening as neutrally as you can.
- Tune into any emotions that may be present - such as worry, anxiety, fear, panic, self-doubt, impatience, frustration, anger. Also notice any more specific or subtle feelings that may also be present, such as fear of rejection, fear of disapproval, fear of loss of control, fear of failure. Gently ask yourself if any of this, too, could be let go. Be sure to follow the instructions above if you are not ready to let go of any of this quite yet.
- Finally, summon up a feeling of warmth, comfort or pleasure and imagine bringing this feeling deep into your heart. Allow yourself to fully embrace this feeling regardless of any negative thoughts or feelings remaining within you at this time. See if you can hold this type of positive feeling at the same time you may be feeling negatively rather than allowing the negative feeling to consume you. See if you can expand this positive feeling to include unconditional self-acceptance and self-love in the midst of your perceived imperfections and flaws. Allow your heart to open towards yourself to help ease whatever struggle you may be still feeling.
It is a powerful practice to step back and disengage from your inner turmoil rather than identify with it and be taken over by it. Your inner struggle will be eased by the practice of mindfulness: neutrally observing what is happening and reflecting upon it in a nonjudgmental way. This is not meant to quickly rid yourself of your discomfort. This is why this section in the magazine is called "Wisdom" rather than "Quick Fix". Wisdom also requires patience and cultivating a higher perspective, as well as an ability to tolerate frustration when we can't immediately resolve our problem or issue. So, try to practice wisdom as you reflect on your experience of performance anxiety (stage fright) and notice how this process works for you. Action Steps: 1. Try out this 6 Step Process for Easing Stage Fright the next time you start to feel the familiar feelings of performance anxiety arise within you. Feel free to add to or adapt this process in any way that is helpful to you. It is clearly much easier to work with this process when you are experiencing anticipatory anxiety, as this process requires quite a bit of self-reflection. Once you practice this many times in anticipation of speaking or performing situations, you will be more able to apply an abbreviated version of this process when you are in the situation itself, waiting for your turn to speak or perform. 2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop. 3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/orwww.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work. 4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive. Something else to consider: Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please pass this newsletter along to anyone who may benefit from it, but please be sure to keep it intact. If you do not wish to continue receiving this newsletter or any other announcements, simply respond to this email with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line and your name will immediately be taken off of our mailing list. If you have any difficulty reading this HTML formatted newsletter, please let us know. Email webmaster@performanceanxiety.com. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help! Warm wishes, Janet Janet Esposito, M.S.W. In The Spotlight PO Box 494 Bridgewater, CT06752 860-210-1499 jesposito@performanceanxiety.com www.performanceanxiety.com Copyright 2012, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved | 
