Here is some more "food for thought" which I am sending out in the months between my regular In The SpotLight newsletters. These are excerpts taken from past newsletters I have written that still have much relevance today. I would love to guide and support you in working on this challenge this year. Please consider my Getting Over Stage Fright workshop and/or some personal coaching if you would like my guidance in learning how to transform this fear. If you are interested in the workshop, the next one is being planned for September 22-23rd so be sure to sign up very soon so we can hold a spot for you. You can find out more information about the workshop by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm. Enjoy! Janet Past newsletters are archived at www.performanceanxiety.com/newsletter_main.htm.
 
"Friendship, support, community, laughter, strength in numbers - there's no end to the benefits of belonging to a group." O Magazine
Getting To the Other Side of Fear
How compelling the act of avoidance can be! It affords us almost instantaneous relief from the intense discomfort that accompanies the scary feelings and sensations of a high anxiety state. We are often willing to do just about anything to get away from these feelings - pass up opportunities, give up promotions, quit things, make up excuses (and downright lie), and lose some self-regard and self-esteem in the process of getting immediate relief.
It feels like too high a price to pay to experience these "dreadful" feelings and to risk judgment and possible loss of credibility and respect in the eyes of others, should they see this vulnerability in us. So many of us continue our avoidance to protect ourselves from what we feel is too much to bear and too much to risk.
While this avoidance behavior is certainly understandable to all of us who well know the feeling of being undone by our fear and anxiety, it does carry a big price tag if you continue to choose the path of avoidance over time. The avoidance behavior deepens the fear and digs you even deeper into a hole, making you feel even more helpless and powerless in the process.
Even if you use all sorts of rationalizations to support the avoidance, the effects will catch up to you eventually. I have seen the significant impact of avoidance in peoples' lives as I work with many clients who have this fear. It always takes its toll on the person in some way (oftentimes in a very big way) and slowly chips away at the person's belief and trust in him or herself.
It is amazing what personal growth and transformation can happen when people 'step up to the plate' and put a stop to their avoidant tendencies. I am reminded of this as I think back to workshop participants who finally said, "enough is enough" and made the decision that the avoidance has to stop and they must find another way.
And there is another way - a much better way in fact. I think back to my workshops over the years, watching class participants learn to let go of the old ways of reacting to their fear and consciously and actively practicing a new approach. As they continued to apply the principles and methods I teach, they began to learn how to lessen and better manage the intensity of their anxious feelings and sensations.
It has been a joy for me to watch people make noticeable progress in a short amount of time by consciously and deliberately focusing on learning these new skills and unlearning old conditioned patterns of reacting. None of this is quick and easy, and it takes determination, persistence, and commitment over time.
Think of what it felt like when you first learned to ride a bicycle, drive, ski, or whatever activity was most personally challenging to you. Initially it feels scary, uncomfortable, awkward, and frustrating to face your fear of the unknown and to feel unsure and unsteady in your new venture. At times you may feel like "a lost cause" and want to give up because it feels too hard to learn something new and different.
That is where determination, focus, and faith need to step in - to keep you on the path of learning a new skill despite whatever resistance and self-doubt you may have along the way. And one day you wake up and realize all of this has gotten so much easier. You have mastered the skill well enough not to have to work so hard at it. You experience the sweetness of the reward on the other side. This reward happens after you step up to the challenge and face the fear and obstacles on the path rather than allow them to stop you from moving forward.
"Facing our fear and doing it anyway" builds strength and courage. Avoiding speaking and performing because of fear and self-doubt makes us more afraid.
I encourage you to confront any tendencies you have to avoid speaking or performing challenges and to make a plan to master the skills you need to learn so you can manage this fear and get beyond the limitations you are allowing this fear to impose on your life. I love to watch the smile of joy that comes upon workshop participants' faces when they gain the rewards that come with stepping up to their fear. This has been especially apparent for people who have been actively avoiding speaking or performing, often for years, who seem to "come alive" again when they no longer allow fear to rule their lives.
So, if you have not yet said, "Enough is Enough", perhaps it is time now! Consider the consequences for your life of perpetual avoidance of speaking or performing, perpetual dread and resistance anytime you are faced with a speaking or performing challenge, or perpetual procrastination - i.e., "Someday I will do something about this fear." Instead, start to say NO to the constriction and limitations in your life that accompany these states of resistance and avoidance. If you are ready to do something about this, and ready to stop running and dodging this issue, please contact me for some help, either for some coaching, to attend a workshop, or both. And if you have not read my books yet, or listened to my CD, perhaps that is a good starting place to begin to move toward a new-found freedom and expansion of you and your life.
I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help!
Warm wishes,
Janet
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Janet Esposito, M.S.W.
In The Spotlight
PO Box 494
Bridgewater, CT06752
860-210-1499
jesposito@performanceanxiety.com
www.performanceanxiety.com
Copyright 2012, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved
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