Here is some more "food for thought" which I am sending out in the months between my regular In The SpotLight newsletters. These are excerpts taken from past newsletters I have written that still have much relevance today.
I would love to guide and support you in working on this challenge in this upcoming year. Please consider my Getting Over Stage Fright workshop and/or some personal coaching if you would like my guidance in learning how to transform this fear.
Enjoy!
Janet
Past newsletters are archived at www.performanceanxiety.com/newsletter_main.htm.
  "You're incomparable...There's no one else on the planet, or anywhere in the Universe, quite like you. Yet I'm willing to bet that you spend a good chunk of your time comparing yourself to someone else." Molly Gordon Letting Go of Comparisons & Fully Supporting Yourself I just experienced another powerful weekend workshop with an incredible group of people. Group participants are always amazed when they discover the caliber of people who share this fear - people who are intelligent, accomplished, caring, kind, and good humored as well! It is always magical to me to watch the strong and deep bonds that develop in the group as people share more openly about what has been such a shameful secret and come together to support one another in working on this challenge. It was noted how reassuring it feels to meet people who share this fear and to truly know you are not alone. One participant in particular voiced this message strongly. For him, it was so important to come to a safe and supportive environment with others who share this fear that he was willing to travel all the way from Israel to make this happen! Many others traveled great distances from all parts of the country (as well as from British Columbia), which shows the level of commitment and determination that people can have when they decide to take action and do something to not allow this fear to have such power in their lives. One thing that always comes up in our group discussion is the tendency to compare ourselves to others - and to often feel lacking and deficient when we compare ourselves with others who we feel are doing better than we are doing in the area of public speaking or performing, and sometimes in other areas of our lives as well. In addition to comparisons with others, we often compare ourselves to our own personal ideals and standards (which are often quite high and difficult to reach) and we end up feeling bad about ourselves when we judge that we are falling short of where we think we "should" be. Comparisons of any sort imply we are judging ourselves (and others) to see if we are measuring up. Focusing our attention on judging ourselves and others leads us down the wrong path, as it moves us in the direction of feeling a need to prove ourselves, to test ourselves, and to measure our self-worth according to our performance. I was at a conference recently where a helpful analogy was used about learning to accept and honor where we are at rather than wishing we were further along or more advanced than we are at any given moment. Imagine yourself having a boat and you put it in the river. Then, you become impatient and dissatisfied that your boat is at that point in the river and not further along up the river. You see other boats at other points along the river and you want your boat to be where they are at rather than where you are at. And yet all of this discontent, frustration, and unhappiness about where you are at in the river only leads you to suffer and feel lacking and never helps you to get to where you want to go in any productive way. It is much better to take a breath and say to yourself something like, "I know I would prefer to be further up the river and closer to where those other boats are, but I also understand that my boat is here in this spot right now and it better serves me to accept where my boat is at this moment rather than fight it. Then, I can work on slowly making my way up the river so I can get closer to where I want to be." Another thing that we touched upon quite a bit in the workshop is how we speak to ourselves when we are frustrated or disappointed in how we are feeling or how we are doing. We reflected upon how we might speak to our child or a loved one if we truly wanted to support them and not diminish or demoralize them and make them feel any worse than they may already feel about their difficulties. It is clear that we would easily find loving and encouraging words to help support our child or loved one when they are in the midst of struggle, though it is hard for many of us to do the same for ourselves. This is something that can be learned - and reinforced through conscious attention and practice - and I encourage all of you to work toward being as kind and loving towards yourselves as you would towards the people who mean the most to you, especially during our most difficult moments when it feels the hardest to be kind and supportive towards ourselves. Some Good Humor In case you are feeling heavy and burdened by this fear, here is some good humor to lighten your spirit. A few years ago one of my workshop participants, Sheila, sent me a humorous (and somewhat exaggerated) description of her formula for creating fear, dread, and self-doubt within herself and agreed to have me share it with the newsletter community. I am sure you will get a good laugh reading this, as I did, and be able to relate as you reflect on your own formula for creating fear and suffering around this challenge we face. Sheila no longer practices this formula. Instead, she has worked hard on developing a better formula that will allow her to put into practice all that she has learned in order to fully support and empower herself during times of challenge with performing or speaking. Be sure that you, too, create a new formula to fully support and empower yourself as you face your own challenges this year! Hi Janet, I thought you'd get a big kick out of this. I laughed so hard when I wrote all this....and it helped me realize just how much I put into fueling the panic and anxiety. My 13 step plan to fear and anxiety before performing. - First you have to be in front of a large group of people that look really grouchy and mean.
- Tell yourself over and over that they are experts on music and public speaking and are charting your every mistake and will bring it all to your attention when you are finished with your performance.
- You'll need to obsess about singing for a week or more before each event Realize that it's going to be a disaster and these people are going to talk crap about you for years to come.
- Tell yourself as you rehearse "Who are you trying to kid anyway, you can't sing."
- When you do perform, don't connect with the audience or care about them...just believe they are out to get you.
- Make sure you get good and scared. You'll need to progress through a chain of reactions that are important to master, if you want to achieve this technique fully.
- First you must begin breathing very shallow and erratic, and get yourself into oxygen starvation. From there you'll need to get so scared that your heart starts to race.
- Palms need to sweat and you need to let this progress into dizziness and disorientation.
- If you begin to master these techniques, you'll scare yourself so much that you'll run out of the room or establishment and you'll feel safer after you get out and flee the premises.
- After you get to your safe place, you'll need to dialog with yourself in a totally negative and degrading way. "What a wimp I am" "I'll never get over this - I just need to learn to live with it." "You'll never be successful at this, you're just a big chicken" "Everyone thinks you are totally nuts and need a therapist."
- Continue to beat yourself up until the next event so the symptoms charge up faster than before.
- Don't think positive thoughts about yourself, otherwise the fear will start to de-pressurize. You'll need to keep it fresh and active so the cycle will continue.
- Enjoy the journey of torture, chains and imprisonment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please pass this newsletter along to anyone who may benefit from it, but please be sure to keep it intact. If you do not wish to continue receiving this newsletter or any other announcements, simply respond to this email with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line and your name will immediately be taken off of our mailing list. If you have any difficulty reading this HTML formatted newsletter, please let us know. Email webmaster@performanceanxiety.com. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Janet Esposito, M.S.W. In The Spotlight PO Box 494 Bridgewater, CT06752 860-210-1499 jesposito@performanceanxiety.com www.performanceanxiety.com Copyright 2012, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved | 
