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"If you're a perfectionist, give it up. It's pointless. Mistakes, corrections, mistakes, corrections! That's the way it is. Mistakes are the natural ways we learn." Harv Eker
Personal Note from Janet
I received an email this month from someone who had read my In The SpotLight book and found it very helpful. I love when I receive a message like this as it always feels great to hear that my books have made a difference in peoples' lives. This person asked me a question about whether or not I still use a Beta Blocker and I answered her honestly. I had written about this in one of my newsletters several years ago but it felt like it was time for me to share about this again with all of you as I get asked this question from time to time.
I used a Beta Blocker (Propranolol) for many years when I was in the throes of severe public speaking anxiety. I slowly tapered off of it and did not use it for many years. At that time I used more natural remedies as my body continued to have some Fight or Flight symptoms despite getting myself to a calmer and more empowered mindset. I no longer had the dreaded anticipatory anxiety for days, weeks, or months prior to an event but I continued to have a surge of anxiety in the moments before speaking and the few moments when I started to speak (sometimes these feelings were milder and sometimes stronger).
While I was able to work with this surge of adrenaline in my body using the tools I teach, there was a time when I was ready to do a radio interview and had a strong surge of anxiety right beforehand. I thought to myself, "Why am I making myself work so hard when I know just a small dose of the Beta Blocker will help ease this feeling and allow me to enjoy the experience so much more?" So, at that moment I decided to give myself permission going forward to take a very small dose of Beta Blocker to take the edge off my physical symptoms whenever I feel the need or desire to do so.
On the one hand, I wish the physical symptoms were consistently mild so I didn't have to give them a second thought or ever feel the need or desire to take a Beta Blocker. On the other hand, it feels good to let go of my perfectionist tendencies and give myself permission to be human and allow myself the help that this medication can bring.
I still use the tools that I teach and they have helped me immensely to shift my experience with the anxiety so I no longer have feelings of dread and panic over speaking. For me, it is not an either-or approach but a combination of supporting my body when needed and using the other tools to get my mindset in the right place and access my spirit so I can be open, connected with others, and focused on my true purpose rather than getting into performance mode.
I continue to do deep emotional and spiritual work as I seek to learn and grow as a person and try to heal the deepest roots of this fear in my body memory. I hope one day I will feel no need whatsoever for a medication to calm down a possible Fight or Flight response in my body. For now, I am accepting myself where I am at and not diminishing myself for my choice to use the medication when I feel the need or desire. It feels good to be unconditionally accepting towards myself about this and honest with you as well.
I have spoken to many people who feel very conflicted about using a medication to help ease the physical symptoms that go along with this fear. I would encourage you to make peace with yourself about this if you are choosing to use a medication at this time, as well as doing everything in your power to learn and use the many tools I offer to help you step up to your challenges in a much more conscious, empowered, and confident way.
A few other things of interest:
***I now have a Facebook page and I hope you will visit and "like" my page and become a fan so I can connect with you more there: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Janet-Esposito-In-the-Spotlight/212818652062429
***And here is my You Tube debut, if you have not seen it yet (not perfect, but good enoughJ). Please be sure to post a comment, too, as I would love to hear from you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YFVkFdyZrg
***I recently received copies of a Czechoslovakian translation of my In The SpotLight book. It is exciting to now have two translations of my book (the first translation is in Polish). This is amazing synchronicity in that my family heritage is both Polish and Czechoslovakian so it feels even more special that some unknown forces in the universe are at work with publishers in these two countries seeking out my work (not having had any idea of my family background, especially given my married name is Italian)!
***I also just received copies of the newest translation of my In The SpotLight book in Portuguese - very exciting! :)
One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!
  A few things to note... The September 17-18th Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop is now full and we are creating a waiting list. Be sure to contact Mary as soon as possible at mary@performanceanxiety.com if you want to be added to the waiting list just in case a spot becomes open. You can find more information about the workshop at http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm. See www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear. I want to thank those of you who have given me such positive feedback about my books and CD. I am very thankful for your words of appreciation for my work and knowing it has brought such value to you in helping you with this challenge. If you are willing to write an Amazon review (or Barnes & Noble review) on either (or both) of my books and/or CD, I would greatly appreciate it. I hear over and over that seeing positive reviews on books and CDs is a big factor that influences whether someone will get the item being reviewed. My heartfelt thanks to those who are willing to do this to support my work! J If you have not yet read my new book, Getting Over Stage Fright, you can find out more about it and order it by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/GOSF_book.htm. You can also visit www.amazon.com to read some reviews of my new book and order it there. Also, if you order my new book, be sure to request the special Checklist of Tips I created as a free bonus to those who purchase my Getting Over Stage Fright book. Many people have found this checklist to be very helpful in dealing with their speaking or performing challenges and I am sure you will, too. Pure Inspiration This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear! Here is what a recent workshop participant shared with me many months after attending the workshop: I recently experienced an epiphany at a three-day business conference. The first day, I went to a seminar for professionals seeking a creative outlet. As you may remember, I love to write and I was hoping to learn a few things about how to find more time for blogging. The seminar hadn't started after 10 minutes, and people were still milling about from the previous session. There seemed to be some confusion at the podium, and a man took the microphone and asked whether anyone in the audience wrote a blog. I raised my hand, and he asked me what I blogged about. I told him and he said, "Come on up." I figured he wanted to ask me something about my blog, as the room was still in chaos and the program hadn't yet officially started. When I got to the front of the room, he said, "Congratulations. You're panelist number three." I said, "Excuse me?" and he said, "Have a seat," motioning toward the empty chair next to the two speakers. One of the other panelists handed me a piece of paper and said, "These are the questions they'll be asking us." I thought about bolting from the room or making up an excuse about having to take an important phone call, but instead I sat down. More than fear, I felt total bemusement because the whole situation seemed so surreal. I didn't feel trepidation until the man (who turned out to be the conference organizer) gave the podium to the moderator and she began introducing the previous two panelists. I knew my turn would come to tell the audience about myself. I used the "ride the wave" mantra and did not fight the feelings of anxiety. Instead, I focused on the present moment, listening intently to the other speakers' introductions, and actually looking at the audience members, particularly those in the front row. I remembered what Janet had said with regard to it 'not being about me,' and began thinking of how I could help the audience members achieve something they really wanted to do - find a way to express themselves creatively. In a nutshell, it went much better than I ever could have imagined. All of the things I always fear will happen never happened - I didn't pass out, I didn't make a fool of myself, I spoke clearly and my mind did not go blank. I even had audience members come up to me later that day and the two days after, telling me how much I had inspired them. What a wonderful feeling that was - something I never would have experienced if I had done my usual and turned down the opportunity to speak. Since the conference, I have been trying to figure out how I was able to handle my stint as 'the accidental panelist' without being consumed by the panic and anxiety. What I learned is that it's the anticipation of having to speak that causes me the most anxiety. When I learned I'd be on the panel, I literally had no time to dread speaking before the group. There was no time to worry that I didn't know my material, because heck, I had no material! There wasn't even time to dwell on what the crowd would think about my appearance, clothing, shoes, voice, etc., the things that normally cause me much anxiety and fear before giving a presentation. Having identified my biggest fear trigger, I can now focus on ways to build strength in this area. What an invaluable lesson, and what a testament to the power of Janet's techniques and suggestions.The biggest takeaway from this experience is how incredibly liberating it can be to embrace a spirit of willingness. So much good can come when we put the focus on how we can help others. - PC, Writer and Consultant Rebounding from a Setback I received another email this past month from someone who had been doing well in overcoming the high level anxiety he had when speaking in public and then he unexpectedly had a panic attack when facing a relatively small speaking challenge. He was confused as to how this can happen and was really down on himself over this. I have seen this type of thing in a number of others who have performance anxiety, or any type of anxiety for that matter. Setbacks sometimes do happen for people, though not always. I, too, had a setback many years ago that was triggered by going further outside of my comfort zone, though sometimes much less challenging situations can trigger heightened anxiety, even after making good progress for awhile. One of my clients had this experience on two occasions. She had been very discouraged about it when it happened the first time and thought she lost all ground. We worked on helping her to shift her attitude to be far more accepting and compassionate towards herself rather than judging herself in a negative way over this. When she let go of the self-judgment, she was able to see her circumstances more clearly and objectively and better understand the things that may have triggered the relapse, even on a more subtle level as it is not always so obvious. Then, we focused on having her learn whatever lessons there were to learn and carrying those lessons forward rather than dragging the emotional baggage with her related to the setback. Using this formula, she rebounded strongly from her first setback. When it happened again, a long time after the first one happened, she was able to rebound even more quickly having been through this before. If a setback ever happens to you, take heart that you are not alone. (And don't worry that a setback might happen if you are doing well as it doesn't inevitably happen to everyone!) It is very important to not indulge in feeling bad about yourself. Use this as an opportunity to practice shifting to a more positive, optimistic attitude and try to think clearly about what might have triggered this and any lessons to be learned. Then, put your focus on letting go of what happened and rebounding quickly and strongly rather than dwelling in a feeling of discouragement or defeat. There are valuable lessons in the experience of a setback itself in teaching you to be more unconditionally accepting and compassionate towards yourself, letting go of thoughts that do not serve you and focusing instead on being more positive and powerful in your approach to this experience. Action Steps: 1. If you ever have a setback in the future, or as you reflect upon one in the past, use this as an opportunity to be 100% supportive of yourself as you would your child or your best friend. Do not allow yourself to indulge in negative emotions for very long (beyond your initial disappointment and upset, which is human to feel). Rise up to this challenge and be determined you will use it to serve you to get even stronger in your rebound from this experience. Remember, we always have choice in how we respond to any difficult situation that arises for us, so be sure to make a conscious choice to respond resourcefully to a setback if it ever occurs. 2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage FrightWorkshopand/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop. 3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work. 4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive. Something else to consider: Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please pass this newsletter along to anyone who may benefit from it, but please be sure to keep it intact. If you do not wish to continue receiving this newsletter or any other announcements, simply respond to this email with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line and your name will immediately be taken off of our mailing list. If you have any difficulty reading this HTML formatted newsletter, please let us know. Email webmaster@performanceanxiety.com. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help! Warmest wishes, Janet Janet Esposito, M.S.W. In The Spotlight PO Box 494 Bridgewater, CT06752 860-210-1499 jesposito@performanceanxiety.com www.performanceanxiety.com Copyright 2011, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved | 
