http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihWYx-QJ95I&feature=related.

***Another client of mine passed along a link to a WSJ article on hyperventilation that was interesting. Here is a quick summary and link to the article. If you find slow, deep breathing works well for you, no need to change it. This just provides another option to consider. Both methods focus on slowing the breath, so that seems to be the key.

Researchers are developing a new therapy for panic attacks by turning the current treatment for one of the most uncomfortable symptoms-hyperventilation-on its head.

Instead of urging sufferers to take long, deep breaths when they feel they can't breathe, as many were taught for years, researchers from Southern Methodist University say a more effective strategy is to take slower, shallow breaths.

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052748703652104576122392361319596-lMyQjAxMTAxMDAwOTEwNDkyWj.html

***I just received copies of a Czechoslovakian translation of my In The SpotLight  book. It is exciting to now have two translations of my book (the first translation is in Polish). This is amazing synchronicity in that my family heritage is both Polish and Czechoslovakian so it feels even more special that some unknown forces in the universe are at work with publishers in these two countries seeking out my work (not having had any idea of my family background, especially given my married name is Italian)!

And here is my You Tube debut, if you have not seen it yet (not perfect, but good enoughJ). Please be sure to post a comment, too, as I would love to hear from you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YFVkFdyZrg

One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!

A few things to note...

I hope you will consider attending the April 16-17^th  Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop - see www.performanceanxiety.com/april_workshop.htm for more details and be sure to sign up ASAP to reserve your spot as the time is quickly approaching. We will be announcing the date for the next workshop by mid-late April if you cannot make this one, though I encourage you to make it if you can.

See www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

I want to thank those of you who have given me such positive feedback about my books and CD. I am very thankful for your words of appreciation for my work and knowing it has brought such value to you in helping you with this challenge. If you are willing to write an Amazon review (or Barnes & Noble review) on either (or both) of my books and/or CD, I would greatly appreciate it. I hear over and over that seeing positive reviews on books and CDs is a big factor that influences whether someone will get the item being reviewed. My heartfelt thanks to those who are willing to do this to support my work! J

If you have not yet read my new book, Getting Over Stage Fright, you can find out moreabout it and order it by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/GOSF_book.htm. You can also visit www.amazon.com to read some reviews of my new book and order it there. Also, if you order my new book, be sure to request the special Checklist of Tips I created as a free bonus to those who purchase my Getting Over Stage Fright book. Many people have found this checklist to be very helpful in dealing with their speaking or performing challenges and I am sure you will, too.

Pure Inspiration 

This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others.  If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter.  We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!

Here is what a recent coaching client and workshop participant wrote after attending the workshop several months ago (he is also one of the people who had attended the workshop more than once and found it tremendously valuable each time):

Hello Janet.  As you know, I recently traveled overseas to deliver a major presentation to a large, international audience.  Three months ago, I had made a major decision that I would play full out and take on the most challenging and (perceived) riskiest speaking engagement I could find.  After 12 years of slowly battling back from a major panic attack in front of peers and superiors, I realized that, despite some limited successes in public speaking, I was never going to shake loose the self-imposed shackles of fear until I faced the fear head-on.  I finally took your advice and removed avoidance and flight as available options.  I also decided to stop trying to control and shape every speaking event to fit my comfort level. 

My briefing went fabulously!  I was very relaxed and didn't even use my prepared script.  This doesn't mean it was easy on the long plane flight to the conference or in the weeks and months leading up to the event.  I admit that I had several episodes of serious doubt along the way that I could even do this.  But the difference this time was I allowed myself to:  tolerate the uncomfortable feelings whenever they arose; challenged each negative thought and replaced it with a positive one; and gave myself permission to be nervous and make mistakes (ironically, once I gave myself permission, I was neither nervous nor made any mistakes (but if I had that would have been okay, too)). 

After 12 years of dealing with this, the best decision I ever made was not allowing myself to opt out of this event.  Admittedly, once committed, it was scary and, at times, seemed more than I was capable of handling.  However, by not giving myself any opportunity to back out, I learned and grew more during these three months than in the previous decade.  There's something to be said for adversity as a teacher.  It's not comfortable, but is highly instructive.

After weeks of intense practice, I finally reached a point where I realized I had done everything I could do to be ready for any known contingency.  I had practiced the presentation so many times that I was actually becoming less comfortable the more I practiced.  I finally embraced something you had said to me weeks earlier -- that I just needed to take a leap of faith.  At your workshop, I'd spoken frequently about my faith.  And so I felt a twinge of guilt when I realized that I had not really turned this over to God unconditionally, including the possibility that it might not work out the way I wanted it to.  I now believe that God expects us to do everything within our power to be prepared, but he also expects us to leave the unknowns to him.  We were not meant to carry them.

This experience also taught me to employ another of your techniques:  to hold each thought up to the light of truth.  For example, I began to really challenge the thought that I had had several "bad" speaking events in the past.  However, when I sought what was really true, I was shocked to realize that every speaking event (since the panic attack in 1998) which I had NOT avoided had always turned out well.  It was only the presentations that I had avoided that had harmed me emotionally.  Yet, I'd somehow created a false belief that I'd had several failures and set-backs, and these were predictors of the future.  What a powerful, liberating technique it is to seek the truth versus embracing false, emotion-based beliefs.    

Finally, I encourage everyone who reads this to liberate yourself from these chains TODAY by facing your fears head on.  Take that leap of faith now and don't waste 12 years living in a self-imposed jail cell.  You already have the courage you need inside you.  Combine this with Janet's tools and techniques and you will achieve this sweet freedom.  Just "feel the fear and do it anyways." 

Ron

Management Analyst

Surrendering Control

Many clients I have spoken to have referred to themselves as "control freaks" - having a strong need to be in control and a strong fear of loss of control. This is especially so when it comes to dealing with speaking or performing challenges, though it oftentimes shows up in other areas of their lives as well (which certainly has been the case with me).

The paradox that happens with control is that the more we need to be in control, the more we fear loss of control and the more we fear loss of control, the more we desperately try to grasp control. All of this serves to feed the cycle of fear and anxiety and often leaves us feeling very helpless and powerless.

By contrast, the more we surrender our need to be in control (of our inner experience and our outer circumstances), and allow and accept whatever is happening in the moment, even when it is very uncomfortable and unpleasant, the more we feel in control. It is a paradox that when we release and let go of our need to be in such tight control of ourselves and our situation, the more relaxed and in control we feel.

We are then better able to practice the wisdom of the serenity prayer and focus on the things we truly have influence and control over and accept that which we do not have immediate and direct control over.

The ego is the part of us that has a strong need to feel in control and it tries to avoid feelings of vulnerability and loss of control at all costs. When we are caught in control struggles we are feeding the ego, which fuels the fear and anxiety even more.

When we surrender our need for control, we release ourselves from the ego's struggle for control and we rise up to the higher level of spirit, which is where the freedom is. For, in order to truly surrender control, we need to take a big leap of faith and deeply trust that we are safe and everything will turn out okay.

Yes, magic can truly happen when we surrender our need for control. Surrender does not mean passivity, resignation, or defeat. It means having the wisdom to know when to let go and step into faith and trust so we can flow with life more gracefully and with more ease.

Action Steps:

1. Practice surrendering your need to be in control of your inner state or your outer experience when you are fearful and anxious and when things are not as you want them to be - in speaking or performing situations or in other areas of life. See if you can discover the relaxed feeling that comes when you let go of the need to be in control and step into faith and trust that you are safe and things will turn out okay. Then, see if you can practice the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer, accepting "what is" in that moment and trying to positively influence that which is more within your control (especially your thought process and what you choose to focus on).

2.  Consider taking a Getting Over Stage FrightWorkshopand/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge.  This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.  

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4.  Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

Something else to consider:

Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help!

Warmest wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Copyright 2011, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved