"If there is no change in the feeling brain, there is no transformation."

Laurel Mellin

CONDITIONING A NEW RESPONSE IN OUR EMOTIONAL BRAIN 

 

Most of us have felt the frustration of not being able to fully overcome our speaking or performing fear through rational thinking and insight into the problem. 

While many of us are able to make good progress by learning a new approach, and applying methods to help us with this challenge, our nervous system still seems to be wired to react in a conditioned way to the speaking or performing experience (and the anticipation of it, which often carries as much, if not more, fear and apprehension).

It seems that our conditioned responses and patterns of reactions and behaviors often take hold when we are feeling most vulnerable and stressed and our rational, thinking brain takes a back seat.

I recently attended a workshop given by a top researcher on trauma. While 'trauma' may seem like a strong word to use for some of us, many of us have felt some level of trauma around experiencing an intense feeling of loss of control, panic, terror, and dread when facing one or more public speaking or performing events.

We have felt overwhelmed and frightened by our feelings and what was happening inside of us. Many of us have felt like we were fragmenting or coming unglued inside. We often felt very alone in this experience, as we experienced much shame and embarrassment and chose not to share openly about it.

It is hard to imagine that others could understand and accept what we were going through without judging us for it. So we often chose to go it alone and struggled privately with this personal crisis, trying to keep it hidden from others so they wouldn't think there was something wrong with us.

This experience has been traumatic for many of us who pride ourselves on having it together and being in control most of the time (or at least striving to appear that way).

I have been reading a book called The Pathway, by Laurel Mellin (see 

www.performanceanxiety.com/books_cds.htm if you are interested in learning more about this book). She speaks of "the triune brain", which explains how different parts of the brain are responsible for different functions.

What is interesting about this is the way the brain processes and stores trauma or things that are overwhelming to us. Memories of traumatic or overwhelming experiences and feelings are not stored and processed in the higher center of the brain, known as the neo-cortex or "thinking brain". They are experienced and stored at a much more primitive level, generally in the limbic system, which is also known as "the feeling brain". Another part of the primitive brain, known as the brain stem or "reptilian brain," is the seat of our temperament and provides the emotional backdrop and hardwiring of our brain.

The author of this book goes on to say that the feeling brain is "the seat of emotional balance" and that "without emotional learning, profound and persistent change is not likely." This also dovetails with what I have learned about trauma - that coming at your experience from a purely (or predominantly) thinking mode will only have limited success.

What is required for emotional learning is to allow yourself to feel deeply the range of feelings you have, identify what those feelings are and the body sensations that go along with the feelings, and learn the skills of self-nurturing and healthy limit setting so you can soothe and contain your vulnerable feelings and not get so overwhelmed by them.

The Pathway offers a method to go through this process and to begin to learn how to deal with feelings in a healthy manner for optimal emotional growth and development in all areas of your life.

So, how does all of this apply to the fear of speaking and performing?

Many of us who have this challenge are very afraid of our feelings of fear and vulnerability and we go to great lengths to try to be strong and in control of ourselves and our circumstances. Many of us try to think our way out of difficult situations and we try to side-step the more uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings that arise within us.

We will often do almost anything to get away from facing our deepest fears and our most vulnerable feelings. We often vacillate between trying to run from these feelings on the one hand, and being totally consumed and overwhelmed by them on the other hand.  

For emotional learning to occur, we need to be able to connect more deeply with our inner world, especially when we are feeling so scared and vulnerable inside, and to learn to be a nurturing and supportive parental figure for ourselves. In doing this, we learn to create feelings of safety and security within ourselves and a more realistic expectation of ourselves and our world that helps us to feel more balanced and not so overwhelmed by certain challenges we face.

The message of this book, and the work on trauma, is that we have to learn to connect more deeply with our inner selves and to keep more of a pulse on our inner lives day-to-day.

We need to allow ourselves to feel things more deeply, on a feeling and a body level, and to learn to nurture and support ourselves internally so we can learn to develop feelings of inner safety in this process.

We need to learn to contain overwhelming feelings and have "the thinking brain" help us to create more realistic expectations of ourselves and our circumstances and to face unpleasant realities.

This inner work generally happens before and after you step up to speak or perform, as it takes a quietness and concentration to focus inwardly on this level.

When you do this inner work more regularly, you discover a deeper inner connection with yourself that carries you through some of the more stressful and trying times with more emotional balance and ease.

It is well worth the effort, as learning to condition a new response in the emotional brain can truly pave the way for a deeper and fuller transformation!

Warmest wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com