"Let this be the year you release your fears about what you can achieve."  ~ Oprah Winfrey

Personal Note from Janet

What a whirlwind end of the year it has been for me, as I imagine it has been for you, too.

In early December I went to San Diego and worked with another incredible group of people at my Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop. I am always amazed at what deep transformation takes place when people are working together in a safe and supportive environment with other kindred souls who share this fear. Group members continue to comment that there is a deep healing effect in going through this experience with others, above and beyond the benefit of learning and practicing a range of methods to better manage and reduce the fear.

Please check out my first You Tube video, which was taken while I was at the San Diego workshop. This was a bit of a thrill to me as I have felt intimated by technology and have been behind the curve in posting videos. I want to personally thank Rex Robertson (also known as 'The Video Guy'), who took this video clip and posted it on You Tube.

So, here is my You Tube debut (not perfect, but good enoughJ). Please be sure to post a comment, too, as I would love to hear from you!

While I was in San Diego I also participated in a personal development workshop, which was very profound for me. I have decided to take a bold step in 2011 and have committed to working in an intensive, year-long group coaching program that will involve a big commitment of myself. While I waffled a bit at first, anxious about making such a big commitment of my time, energy, and financial resources, I decided to take a strong stand for myself so that I can reap the biggest rewards possible through a whole-hearted commitment to my personal growth and development.

If you are waffling about taking a strong stand for yourself, and doing what it takes to get beyond the limitations of this fear, I strongly urge you to make 2011 your year. Be willing to take bold and consistent action and do what it takes to learn as much as you can learn and put yourself in situations where you can practice and reinforce your new skills so you can deeply internalize a new approach to this fear.

One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!

A few things to note...

I hope you will consider attending the January 15-16^th  Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop - see www.performanceanxiety.com/january_workshop.htm for more details and be sure to sign up ASAP to reserve your spot as we have only a few openings left. What a great way to start the New Year! We will be announcing the date for the next workshop by mid-late January if you cannot make this one.

See www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

I want to thank those of you who have given me such positive feedback about my books and CD. I am very thankful for your words of appreciation for my work and knowing it has brought such value to you in helping you with this challenge. If you are willing to write an Amazon review (or a Borders or Barnes & Noble review) on either (or both) of my books and/or CD, I would greatly appreciate it. I hear over and over that seeing positive reviews on books and CDs is a big factor that influences whether someone will get the item being reviewed. My heartfelt thanks to those who are willing to do this to support my work! J

If you have not yet read my new book, Getting Over Stage Fright, you can find out more about it and order it by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/GOSF_book.htm. You can also visit www.amazon.com to read some reviews of my new book and order it there. Also, if you order my new book, be sure to request the special Checklist of Tips I created as a free bonus to those who purchase my Getting Over Stage Fright book. Many people have found this checklist to be very helpful in dealing with their speaking or performing challenges and I am sure you will, too.

Pure Inspiration 

This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others.  If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter.  We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!

Here is what a recent workshop participant wrote to her other group members after feeling empowered by the workshop to do her first Toastmaster's speech:

I'd like to share my experience with you about my first speech in Toastmasters. I had been actively avoiding it for over 2 years and I finally did it last Wednesday!  The first speech is called an Icebreaker speech and you basically speak about yourself and your life for 4-6 minutes. I practiced this at our workshop and I revised it a bit to reflect more about my personal life and used much more humor. 

After our workshop, I began attending a new Toastmasters club for a fresh start.  At the first meeting, I held myself accountable by telling the president of the club about my previous avoidance in my other Toastmasters club. I asked her and a few others to hold me accountable to follow through with my Icebreaker, which I scheduled within the upcoming month.

I rewrote my speech one week prior and began rehearsing it and timing it.  I had terrible nightmares that same night dreaming of all the worst case scenarios.   Luckily, that was the worst of my anticipatory anxiety.  I practiced my speech twice in front of my support groups and found it very helpful to record it each time I practiced, in front of others and alone.  

I was relatively calm the whole day of my speech and listened to my recordings in preparation.  Anytime a negative thought entered my mind, I would shift my focus to thinking about the speech as an opportunity to share myself with others, to connect with and inspire them. I actually found myself hoping that there would be quite a few people in attendance since I wouldn't have another chance like this to really introduce myself!  My prior self would have been hoping that no one would show up!

I made sure to arrive early, and I used the technique of getting to know/socializing with my audience, which also served as a major distraction for me before I had to speak.  I also volunteered to take on the role in the meeting of asking other people the impromptu questions to give myself a chance to warm up and again, as a positive distraction during my waiting time (and also to "avoid" having to do an impromptu speech myself). 

I did feel some waves of anxiety during the waiting time, but I remembered this from the workshop, to ride the wave of anxiety, use it as energy instead, and I kept visualizing myself going up there calmly and confidently, staying grounded.

I spoke with lots of emotion and variance in my voice, and my message came through loud and clear, which was most important.  People also enjoyed the humor I put throughout the speech, as some of it was serious at times.

I recorded the speech so that I could have rational feedback and a keepsake for myself.  I'm really happy with how it went and many people commented about how much they enjoyed it and some approached me after wards to say what a great job I did and asked me some questions about the information I shared. They all couldn't believe I had ever experienced public speaking anxiety at all!  

The evaluation was given by the president of the club and she had nothing but wonderful things to say about how my message comes across from the heart, my humor, and the cadence and volume of my voice.  The only advice she gave was for me to come out from behind the podium and commented positively on my lack of use of notes. They go easy on you for the first speech evaluation luckily.

Speaking of, I'd like to offer some advice to anyone that is currently in Toastmasters or in the process of joining a club. Do not settle for less when it comes to a Toastmasters club. You are at a very crucial point in your public speaking journey and if you are not comfortable with the people at your club, or it is too large and overwhelming, seek out another one. It's worth the additional commute or scheduling arrangements to be in the most positive, supportive environment possible as you face your fear. 

Thank you for reading about my experience with this.  It was a big step for me, yet at the same time, I'm almost wondering, what took me so long?!?!  Also, I plan to keep progressing, am actually looking forward to my next speech, which I plan to do right after the New Year!

Marla, Researcher

Persistent Practice Wins the Race

Most of us want to make major progress in overcoming our fear of public speaking or performing, though not all of us are willing to make this a priority by making a full commitment to devote regular time and take consistent action to make the changes that we desire.

If you are just dabbling in the methods that you are learning, and using them only when you are up against a wall and feeling desperate as you face another speaking or performing event, this approach is not going to be enough to make a true, lasting change.

It is similar to physical exercise. To build strength, stamina, and fitness, you need to develop and follow a regular exercise routine (even when you don't feel like doing it) and not just exercise on an occasional or as-needed basis.

In order to deeply internalize a new approach to this challenge, you need to practice and reinforce the principles and methods you are learning on a regular basis. It requires being proactive and developing and following a plan to practice and strengthen your skills.

It is also helpful to practice the principles and methods I write about in all areas of life whenever possible, and to use this challenge as a catalyst for personal and spiritual growth. The more you shift your limiting beliefs, thought patterns, and ways of responding at a deeper core level, the more you are going to heal this fear at the source.

Below are some ideas of things you can incorporate into a plan to work more diligently on making progress with this challenge in the New Year. Consider incorporating some or all of these ideas into your plan, and add other ideas as well. It is better to pace yourself over time rather than make a mad dash to do everything at once (as this often leads to overwhelm and giving up on your efforts).

It is most helpful if you have a regular routine so that each day (or each week) you are devoting a chunk of time to this effort. As with most things in life, the more you put into it the more you will get out of it.

-         Read (or re-read) my In the SpotLight and Getting Over Stage Fright books and do the exercises in both of the books

-         Write notes of the most important points from the books and review (aloud when possible) each day/week

-         Listen to my In the Spotlight CD and continue to listen to those tracks that you find most helpful on a daily/weekly basis

-         Schedule a coaching session with me to discuss the best plan for you for the New Year and get further guidance and support from me (and accountability) through some ongoing coaching sessions

-         Take a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and immerse yourself in practicing the methods in a safe and supportive environment with people just like you who share this fear (and consider taking it again if you have already taken my workshop and would like further support and reinforcement)

-         Join a Toastmaster's group and actively participate, making a plan to do your speeches on a regular basis over time

-         Volunteer to do readings at your church or to speak or perform more actively in some other community groups

-         Take an acting class or public speaking class and practice the methods you are learning

-         Practice regular meditation, yoga, and/or relaxation exercises to deepen your self-awareness and self-care

-         Other ideas???

I would love to support you in any way I can, so please be in touch if you would like to work with me this year!

Action Steps:

1. Take some time for yourself within the coming week and reflect on a realistic and sustainable plan to make major progress with your public speaking or performing fear over the coming year. Come up with a plan for regular, consistent daily (or weekly) action to reinforce and internalize a new approach to this challenge. Include both inner work (such as reading, doing written exercises, meditating, coaching, etc.) and outer work (such as taking my workshop, joining Toastmasters, actively participating in a community group, etc.). Be sure to write down your plan and stay accountable to your commitment to yourself. I would be happy to help you with this, so please set up a coaching session with me if you want my support and guidance (as well as extra accountability). 

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge.  This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at janetesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.  

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and/or www.borders.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

Something else to consider:

Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.

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I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges in the New Year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help!

Warmest wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD