Here is some more "food for thought" which I am sending out in the months between my regular In The SpotLight newsletters. These are segments taken from past newsletters I have written that still have much relevance today.

Enjoy!

Janet

"When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it."  Pema Chodron

Past newsletters are archived on my web site at www.performanceanxiety.com/newsletter_main.htm.

Dealing With Adverse Emotions

I recently attended some very interesting teachings with a Tibetan Buddhist monk on the subject of how to release suffering and create peace and happiness. The wisdom of these teachings is vast and, as always, I look for applicability of these concepts for my own life and the lives of my clients.

I will mention just a few basic principles from the teachings on dealing with adverse emotions to consider as you reflect on how you approach speaking or performing, as well as the rest of your life, and what changes you may want to consider that can help you transform your experience of fear.

One of the principles emphasizes that any resistance in the mind and body to experiencing unpleasant emotions will perpetuate suffering.  So, when the adverse emotion comes up, one needs to calmly label the experience to oneself (e.g., "I am experiencing a feeling of fear now.") and let one's mind rest in that emotion without any attempt to change it. 

The suffering about that emotion begins to dissolve as you label the experience, and rest in the experience, without tension or resistance to feeling the uncomfortable emotion. The emotion itself ultimately begins to lighten and lessen as you let it take its natural course and you don't try to control it.

Another way to deal with adverse emotion is to create a one-pointed focus of "calm abiding" - in other words, you still the mind by consciously choosing one focus of attention and concentrating solely on that focus while breathing slowly and deeply for whatever time it takes to calm the mind.

The easiest focus of attention is often considered to be the breath itself, though it may be more helpful at times to choose an external focus of something in your immediate environment that is a stable, solid external object. 

There is an analogy to how the mind works that I have found particularly useful. Think of the mind as a glass of water with some sand and dirt floating around in it. If you continue to stir up the dirty water, the water will get more dark and muddied - like the mind, which gets more dark and murky when negative thoughts and reactivity are stirring the mind up. When you still the water and allow it to settle, the dirt and sand move to the bottom, allowing the water to be more still and clear. We can see this with the mind as well - when we stop stirring the mud and still the mind, we gain calmness, peace, and clarity.

One final way to transform suffering that I will mention here relates to expanding your view beyond the smallness of the self and cultivating deep and genuine kindness and compassion for all beings - humans and nonhumans. There was much discussion on the suffering that is created by a preoccupation on the self, which often happens when we are in the midst of painful and uncomfortable emotions.

Suffering can be transformed and released when we are able to look beyond the smallness of the self and experience the interconnection between ourselves and others and feel a profound caring and compassion towards all beings, including ourselves.

For example, when we are feeling fearful, it can help to think beyond our own fear and feel compassion towards all people and other beings who may be feeling fear in that moment. This helps to deepen and expand your level of caring and compassion towards yourself, and also beyond yourself, and to remind you that you are not alone in your suffering.

I encourage you to work with one or more of these guiding principles when you experience fear, or any other adverse emotion - whether the emotion arises related to a speaking or performing situation, or any other life situation.

I personally have practiced these principles and have found them immensely helpful when navigating through difficult emotions and difficult life situations. While we cannot avoid adverse emotions, we can lessen the suffering we experience when they arise.