"We might view certain parts of ourselves with disdain and other parts with positive appreciation. Each part serves us in ways to help us thrive or survive. To be whole, we must embrace all parts of ourselves with love and compassion, inviting the best of who we are to emerge and integrate as we awaken and evolve." Lorraine Cohen

 

 

Personal Note from Janet

I just completed the book, The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin and enjoyed reading it. One of the take-aways from this book is to come to know yourself deeply and what makes you truly happy rather than chasing after things that make other people happy or things you think should make you happy. The author's mantra is to "Be Gretchen" and my mantra has now become "Be Janet".

 

As I am "being Janet" and discovering the true sources of my happiness, I realize even more my need to ease up on myself and not always push myself so hard. I am becoming more aware of how much self-induced stress and pressure I place on myself and that I have the choice to let up and not demand so much of myself all the time.

 

Last summer was a blur as I was working most weekends finishing my new book so it would be ready for a September launch. This summer, I have decided to give myself a true summer break and not take on any extra work projects beyond working with clients. That feels like a great relief and adds to my happiness as I anticipate a more relaxing and fun summer.

 

How about you? Are there ways you can ease the burden of self-induced stress and pressure by not expecting and demanding so much of yourself at times? (This is not meant to encourage avoidance or complacency, but to discover ways to let up when you are being too hard on yourself.)

 

See if you can make your mantra, "Be ______" (fill in your name) and discover how to be true to yourself in ways that bring you deeper happiness (rather than comparing yourself to others or how you think you should be).

 

 

Please be sure to join me on Facebook and Twitter! You can click the images below and you will be brought right to my pages. You can join the In The Spotlight group by pressing "Like" on my FB fan page and you can follow me on Twitter by searching my name and then pressing the "Follow" button. Please say hello and add any comments you would like. I hope you will join me - I would love to hear from you!

 

 

                                                                               

 

 

We are now planning the September 18-19^th Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop

- see www.performanceanxiety.com/september_workshop.htm for more details and be sure to sign up ASAP to reserve your spot! This will be the last workshop this year so I encourage you to sign up if you are interested and available. See www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

 

I want to thank those of you who have given me such positive feedback about my books and CD. I am very thankful for your words of appreciation for my work and knowing it has brought such value to you in helping you with this challenge. If you are willing to write an Amazon review (or a Borders or Barnes & Noble review) on either (or both) of my books and/or CD, I would greatly appreciate it. I hear over and over that seeing positive reviews on books and CDs is a big factor that influences whether someone will get the item being reviewed. My heartfelt thanks to those who are willing to do this to support my work! J

 

If you have not yet read my new book, Getting Over Stage Fright, you can find out more about it and order it by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com/GOSF_book.htm. You can also visit www.amazon.com to read some reviews of my new book and order it there. Also, if you order my new book, be sure to request the special Checklist of tips I created as a free bonus to those who purchase my new book. Many people have found this Checklist to be very helpful in dealing with their speaking or performing challenges and I am sure you will, too.

 

 

 

One Final Note:I would love to receive some more Pure Inspiration stories for future newsletters so if you have any successes you would like to share - big or small - please write to me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and tell me about your victory so your success can help inspire others. Thanks so much to all who share their stories to allow others to see what is possible! 

 

 

Pure Inspiration 

This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others.  If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter.  We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!

This email is from someone who I did some coaching with and who sent me this note some time ago:

 

Hi Janet,

I wanted to let you know that I have completed 4 Toastmaster speeches and early on during the 3rd one I experienced slight anxiety. But, I went right through it and got into the flow. You have addressed this in your book and on your CD, and I have been waiting to experience this, using Toastmasters as a laboratory. Your advice to take the leap of faith is key. The last speech was more comfortable, almost easy. One thing I have learned is that I am nervous before the presentation but as soon as I speak for a moment the nerves go away. I realize it is only normal to be nervous and this is the way the masses feel before speaking. I will continue to use Inderal 20 mg because there is no reason not to at my stage in life, and since there are no side effects at all. I am aware of presentations before hand so I can take the Inderal. I also believe that in addition to Inderal your book, CD, and private sessions detailing your personal experiences have been a huge factor. Whatever the reason it works and I am delighted. The purpose for even attempting to confront this issue was because of a toast I had to give. Otherwise I would have ridden off into the sunset and never bothered with it. But it was a challenge I needed to overcome. I gave the toast last night in front of 70 at the rehearsal dinner and was very comfortable. Several commented on how good the toast was. I just wanted to let you know that you made a difference. I will continue as a member of Toastmasters just for the experience. There are a few members that are retired but just enjoy the fellowship at the meetings. They participate as well.  I look forward to attending one of your workshops.

Kind regards,

Ron L. (Recently retired, but consulting)

 
Unconditional Love & Self-Acceptance

 

It is not easy for most of us to fully and unconditionally love and accept ourselves. While it is easy to accept ourselves conditionally, and feel very good about ourselves when we feel strong and successful, it is far harder to accept ourselves (and even like ourselves) when we struggle at times in our lives and feel vulnerable and insecure.

We often find ourselves judging ourselves (sometimes quite harshly) and feel frustrated, disappointed, and ashamed of ourselves when we are facing our perceived flaws and limitations. We often compare ourselves to others who are showing strength and capability in areas in which we struggle (such as public speaking or performing) and we often end up feeling diminished and inadequate as a result of these comparisons.

We can also fall into the trap of comparing ourselves against our own standards for how we think we should be and end up feeling like we are falling short of the hopes and expectations we have for ourselves. This is another way we judge ourselves and feel bad about ourselves for not measuring up to our ideal version of ourselves.

When we are feeling challenged by our fear of public speaking or performing, or any other difficulty we may face, it is the perfect opportunity to practice full, unconditional love and acceptance of ourselves (behaving towards ourselves as we would toward our child or someone we love dearly).

Rather than compare ourselves to others, or to how we think we should be, and judging ourselves in ways that lead us to feel "less than", we need to fully accept and support ourselves in being who we truly are in that moment, suspending any judgment or criticism towards ourselves.

When we are feeling at our most vulnerable, it is the very time we most need the understanding and compassion from ourselves. Approaching ourselves in an unkind and judgmental way only deepens the pain and aloneness we are feeling in the moment of our struggle.

See if you can practice embracing both your strengths and your vulnerabilities - being the whole person you truly are - and letting all parts of you be acceptable. Imagine the feeling of fully loving and accepting yourself when you feel at your worst and sense how deeply healing this unconditional love and self-acceptance can be.

See if you can stand by yourself and show unconditional self-acceptance and self-love when the going gets rough and you are far from your best self. While that can be a great challenge for most of us, it is one of the most important life lessons we can learn.

Action Steps:

1.  Notice ways in which you judge yourself negatively through comparisons with others and with how you feel you should be. Practice allowing yourself to be who you are without negative judgment and, instead, giving yourself full, unconditional acceptance, love, and support, especially when you are feeling vulnerable and not at your best. Practice this when you are facing speaking or performing challenges, and any other difficulties in life that lead you to feel this way.

2.  Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge.  This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in an individual phone (or in-office) session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.  

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and/or www.borders.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4.  Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

Something else to consider:

Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.

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I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year!

Warmest wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Copyright 2010, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved