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In the spirit of providing you some "food for thought" in the months I am not sending my regular newsletter, I will be sending you a message taken from one of my earlier newsletters I wrote in years past. Rather than have these newsletters collect dust in the archives, never to be read again, I decided to recycle them and remind you of some earlier ideas I wrote about that have just as much merit today as they did a few years ago.
So, here is the first in the series...enjoy!
Warm wishes,
Janet
Finding Relief & Going With the Flow
I attended a workshop a few months ago and have been listening to the CDs of the recorded event over recent weeks. I wanted to share with you a couple of simple ideas that can be very helpful to relax and ease our minds and bodies when we are feeling tense, pressured, or anxious.
One of the ideas has to do with seeking thoughts that bring "relief" whenever you are in a negative state of mind. Typically, whenever we are in a negative state of mind, our minds automatically focus on and create more negative thoughts and feelings. It usually doesn't take very long to reinforce and deepen our negative mindset and end up in a vicious cycle where negativity begets more negativity in our thought process and emotional state.
When possible, it is most helpful to notice when we are starting to engage in the process of a negative cycle. Before the negativity has a chance to gain much momentum, it is good to head it off at the pass and more consciously redirect our thoughts and feelings by engaging our mind in looking for a thought that brings relief, then perhaps another thought like this, and then another. Once we give our minds this job, our minds become engaged in constructive action that begins to move our feeling state in a more positive direction and soon we find our minds and bodies beginning to relax and ease from whatever stress and tension we were experiencing. Even if you do not catch yourself at the beginning stage of this vicious cycle, you can interrupt the momentum of the negativity at any point along the way by giving your mind the job of searching for thoughts that bring relief.
I might add, it is important to make these thoughts positive and constructive in intent, rather than creating thoughts of relief that reinforce the initial negative thought pattern. For example, if you are feeling highly anxious and fearful about an upcoming speaking or performing event, instead of getting relief from the thought, "Maybe I can call in sick that day and not have to give my presentation/performance", some constructive thoughts of relief might be, "Even though I may feel very anxious and uncomfortable right now, I know these feelings won't hurt me and they do eventually pass if I don't focus on them. Instead, I need to breathe deeply and practice the methods I have learned to calm and ground myself. I need to remember to take the focus off myself and remember my true purpose in speaking/performing - It's Not About Me!"
Another idea from the workshop I attended was the importance of "going with the flow" and "letting the stream carry you" rather than going against the current. When we are feeling stressed, tense, anxious, and afraid, we are clearly fighting against the current of life and trying to control ourselves and our circumstances in a way that leads us to feel even more of a loss of control.
When we surrender our need to control our inner and outer circumstances - and learn to relax and "go with the flow" of life - everything eases. We are no longer fighting and resisting the current and we can be carried by the stream in a more relaxed way that eases our path through life.
Most of us have trouble trusting that if we let go of our need to control ourselves and our circumstances, we will be washed under by the current, so we stay on guard and vigilant to protect ourselves from any possible threat of loss of control. Unfortunately, the more we take this stance, the more uptight and fearful we become.
We need to learn to trust enough to relax and go with the flow rather than try to control the current. This is very challenging for many of us, as we have had a strong need to be in control (or at least to feel like we are in control - even if it is an illusion in thinking we can control far more than we truly can in life)!
Of course, this idea does not mean to lay back and be a passive participant in your life (e.g., if you need to prepare for a presentation or performance, it doesn't mean to sit back and do nothing - it simply means to ease up on the intensity and relax your uptight approach in the process of preparing).
Going with the flow invites us to approach the challenges of life with more trust, relaxation, and ease as we allow things to unfold in their own way and in their own time rather than always trying to direct, control, or force certain outcomes. It certainly allows for a life of less pressure and more ease relative to the stress and tension created by a strong need to be in control.
See if you can apply these two ideas with your speaking or performing challenges, as well as in other areas of your life that are creating stress, pressure, and anxiety for you. Look for thoughts of relief each time you are in a negative mindset. And see if you can surrender the need to be in control of yourself and your circumstances and, instead, allow yourself to relax and go with the flow more, trusting that the stream will carry you and life doesn't have to be so hard. |
