|
"It's not what you are feeling that is important but how you relate to it." Mark Epstein, MD
Personal Note from Janet
Another holiday season has come and gone and we find ourselves once again at the start of a new year. Turning the page of the calendar from December to January seems to bring a sense of new possibilities as we close the chapter on the past year and have the feeling of a fresh new start.
As you begin this New Year and consider resolutions and changes you would like to make, I encourage you to also reflect on your positive efforts and successes from this past year related to your speaking or performing challenges.
So often we gloss over the positives (or they go unnoticed) and we think more about the speaking or performing situations that left us feeling frustrated or disappointed. It is important to change this tendency (if you are prone to doing this) and to make a point of acknowledging and appreciating the good as much as possible (which includes your efforts, and not just the outcomes of your efforts).
So many clients tell me that they are very hard on themselves. If this is true for you, I encourage you to resolve this year to ease up and be kinder towards yourself. I often encourage people to treat themselves as they would a beloved family member or friend.
It is especially important to treat yourself with more kindness and compassion during those tougher moments (when it is hardest to do). The way you treat yourself has a lot to do with how you feel, and treating yourself kindly is an essential ingredient in helping yourself to better manage your speaking or performing challenges.
So, let 2010 be the year of acceptance, kindness, understanding, and support towards yourself as you face your challenges. Cultivating these qualities makes the journey of facing fear and anxiety a lot easier and helps you to feel much better in the process.
If you have not yet heard the interview I recently did with my publishers at Love Your Life Publishing, where I talk about my new book and my new approach to helping people get over stage fright, you can listen in at www.bookbitestalkradio.com or download an MP3 recording to your Ipod or CD at
http://lynneklippel.audioacrobat.com/download/8040d0f8-de39-0483-5320-69b067282be2.mp3. Please note that in the first segment we talk about my experience as an author, and then we get into the nitty-gritty of the topic of stage fright.
And just one last thing about my book and a special favor I am asking:
If you read my new book and find it helpful, the biggest way you can help me in return is to spread the word about my book. The best way to do this is to post an Amazon review as soon as you can (and copy & paste to Barnes and Noble and/or Borders if you are willing). My first book became an Amazon bestseller due to the many positive reviews it received on Amazon (and, thankfully, it has stayed a bestseller for many years now). I would LOVE to have the same experience with my new book, as I think it can greatly help so many of us who struggle with this fear. And, of course, please tell anyone you know who can benefit from my book to get a copy for themselves (and my In The SpotLight book, too).
My deepest thanks to you in advance if you make time to do a review and/or spread the word in other ways. I am very grateful for your help and support!
On another note...
My upcoming Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop, planned for January 23-24th is now full! We are creating a waiting list in the event a spot becomes open, so please email Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com if you want to be added to that list. Visit www.performanceanxiety.com/jan_workshop.htm for more details.
In the meantime, we will be creating a few more workshop dates for the New Year so please let us know if you are interested in attending. If you are determined to build more skill in better managing the anxiety and stress around public speaking or performing, I strongly encourage you to come to a workshop in 2010! The workshop will give you plenty of opportunities to practice the many skills that I wrote about in my books and you will experience tremendous support and camaraderie as you share the experience with others who also experience this challenge.
For those of you who have taken my workshop in the past (and could use a refresher as well as some new challenges), and for those who have not yet taken a workshop with me, you will find this a very positive and valuable experience that will move your progress a big step forward in the New Year. I hope you will join us this year!
I will be sending out a survey to learn about your preferences for possible dates and locations for the upcoming workshops, feedback on some teleclasses I would like to offer this year, as well as any other suggestions, so please be sure to take a few moments to complete the survey and let me know how I can best help you. Thanks very much for helping me to help you!
One Final Note: I would love to receive some more Pure Inspiration stories for future newsletters so if you have any successes you would like to share - big or small - please write to me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and tell me about your victory so your success can help inspire others. Thanks so much to all who share their stories to allow others to see what is possible!
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!
This email is from someone who wrote to share his positive experience in applying some of the methods he read about in my new book:
Your new book is wonderful, actually both of them are. You have without question helped me manage my fear of public speaking. I just completed a major presentation on Wednesday and I used several of your suggestions. The presentation was a success. I used everything from deep breathing to just being myself and not trying to constantly please everyone. What a difference it makes when we stop comparing ourselves to everyone else! Have confidence in yourself...be yourself.
The one thing that is different in your books from all the others I've read is you help the reader get to the bottom of why they have this fear. Other don't, they just give you suggestions. I will no longer avoid public speaking....I'm not yet prepared to say I look forward to it, but I will say the absolute dread is gone...the excuses are gone...the guilt in avoiding will be gone.
Janet, you have helped me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you ever need me to assist in any way, please let me know.
Bob M, Commercial Airline Pilot
Please write and share any successes you have with speaking or performing - large or small - as I want to continue to post your positive experiences in our Pure Inspiration column and could always use more stories of success to inspire others! Please know that your experiences will never be shared with our newsletter community unless you give me permission to do so!
Learning to Observe More and React Less
As human beings we can be very reactive, both to our inner experience and to our outer circumstances. This is especially true when we are feeling threatened, anxious, and afraid.
For instance, when we are asked to speak or perform we may immediately feel strongly resistant and have a surge of anxious thoughts and feelings. We may start to worry (or go right to panic and dread) at the very thought of what is up ahead for us. Then we may start to spin "a story" in our mind about how difficult the situation will be for us and how incapable we may be to handle it because our fear and anxiety will get the upper hand (along with the nagging worry that others may see our inner angst and judge us harshly). Reactivity has this type of domino effect, where one fear-inducing, negative thought or feeling leads to another, as we unintentionally create a disempowering web of anxiety and self-doubt.
An example of how we may be reactive to our outer circumstances with speaking or performing is when we compare ourselves to others we admire (and possibly put on a pedestal and envy) and immediately begin to feel small, lacking, and deficient. We judge ourselves negatively relative to those we perceive as confident, capable, secure, and in-control when it comes to speaking or performing. Our reactive minds lead us down the slippery slope of comparison, competition, and judgment and we often end up feeling diminished and like we don't measure up. The domino effect of our negative thoughts and feelings (and the inner story we create that makes us feel lacking) adds further fuel to whatever anxiety and self-doubt we had at the start.
It is helpful to remember to pause and step back from our tendency to be reactive when we are faced with stressful and difficult inner experiences and external circumstances. This helps us to not get hijacked by our negative thoughts and feelings or to weave stories that lead us to lose our power.
In order to become less reactive, we need to practice the skill of observing more and reacting less. We need to work toward disengaging from our reactive minds so as not to give our inner agitation or distress any more "juice". We need to practice cultivating a conscious, observing mind whenever we start to feel emotionally stirred up and refrain from succumbing to automatic thoughts and feelings that feed the frenzy (and negativity).
When we practice being a neutral observer of ourselves and our circumstances, and learn to disengage from our reactive minds, we are able to see things more clearly and objectively and are less likely to distort what is going on. This grounds us more in our present reality and gives us a healthy sense of inner control and power over how we direct our minds.
A Few Other Things To Note:
~ Please let us know if you are interested in attending a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop within the coming year and what your preferences are for time of year and location so we can do some planning for future workshops. Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with this information and be sure to complete the survey we will be sending out soon so we can consider your preferences in planning the workshop schedule up ahead.
~ You may be interested in listening to two brief audio segments - the first segment is of me sharing some information about my workshop (a few minutes in length) and the second segment is of my radio interview with Sally Jessie Raphael (10-12 minutes in length). Please take a few minutes to listen to one or both segments, which can be found on my home page at www.performanceanxiety.com. You will also find an audio recording of a one hour interview I did on the topic of public speaking fear and I encourage you to take some time to listen to this, as well.
1. Practice being kinder to yourself and strive to accept and understand yourself rather than judge yourself. Also practice observing more and reacting less to your inner experiences and outer circumstances and be especially watchful over any tendencies to negatively compare yourself to others around speaking or performing experiences.
2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress! Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in an individual phone session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.
3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and/or www.borders.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.
4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions throughout the year as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please pass this newsletter along to anyone who may benefit from it, but please be sure to keep it intact. If you do not wish to continue receiving this newsletter or any other announcements, simply respond to this email with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line and your name will immediately be taken off of our mailing list. If you have any difficulty reading this HTML formatted newsletter, please let us know. Email webmaster@performanceanxiety.com.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish you a wonderful 2010 and hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress in the New Year! Warmest wishes,
|
