This email is from a coaching client who I have been working with over recent months:
 

 

A few months ago after a business meeting event in which my only speaking part was to introduce myself, I had a near panic attack while waiting for my turn; I decided enough was enough.  I googled "fear of speaking" and came across Janet's information.  When I started working with Janet, I didn't have any grandiose expectations for becoming a world class speaker who jumped at any speaking opportunity.   I just wanted to be able to say my name in a group setting without falling apart on the inside.
 
I began working with Janet on a weekly basis.  I ready her book and listened to the accompanying CD and I started to understand the basis of my fear.  After working with Janet a few weeks, my first test (of what I had learned) showed up in the form of a focus group I was hosting in my home.  I had prepared relatively well for the day, even getting a prescription for Inderal at Janet's suggestion.  Everything that could go wrong that day did, the power went out for a couple of hrs. prior to everyone's arrival--so I couldn't print out the materials I had prepared and so on.  But, worst of all, I couldn't find the Inderal prescription I had picked up the day before.
 
The power did come back on, but by that time I was panicked and ready to cancel the whole thing, in fact, I told myself that I had good reason to.  Then I decided that I was going to go through with it and that it would be OK.  And it was OK.  I managed to fight off the nerves enough to share the information I needed to with the group and to get what I needed from them in return. 
 
My next opportunity to speak came a few months later in the form of a request to speak at my mother-in-law's 80th birthday celebration.  When I first got the invitation, I retreated to my familiar pattern...first panicking, then replaying the impending failure in my mind over and over again, and then preparing myself to find a way to get out of doing it altogether.
 
I shared my thoughts with Janet and she did confirm that I had the option of saying no to the speech.  But she strongly encouraged me to walk through the process of shifting the focus from myself to the occasion of sharing my warm, heartfelt thoughts about my mother-in-law and what she's meant to me.  Janet was right, I understood for the first time, the importance of not making it all about me, but making it about my audience and the message I want share.  I decided to go ahead with the speech.
 
I wrote the speech and I practiced it over and over again until it felt completely comfortable.  I practiced in front of Janet and in front of my husband and my children.
 
I practiced walking up to the podium and moving around and making eye contact.  I have to admit, it felt awkward and even a little foolish at times, but I was determined to make this a successful speaking event for myself. 
 
I developed a plan to make sure I wouldn't be overly busy with last minute details of the party.  I wanted to make sure that I was as relaxed as possible and at ease with the flow of the day.  I prepared an index card with 5 affirmations to remind myself of key things I wanted to remember on the day of the speech.  They included, 1) this is not about you... 2) you are well prepared and it is going to go well, 3) you can do this...
 
On the day of the event, I got to the venue early.  I practiced going up to the stage from my seat (which Janet had suggested).  I did it many times until it felt easy.  I took the Inderal about 20 minutes before the guests were scheduled to arrive.  As the guests started to arrive, I greeted them and engaged them in light hearted conversation (again to take of the focus off my nerves which had started to show up in the form of sweaty palms).  I made sure I had index card within arms reach and I felt ready. 
 
As I walked to the stage to deliver my speech, I took a deep breath and put a big smile on my face--sweaty palms and all.  The room was filled with a little over 90 people all looking at me.  The speech went beautifully and I actually enjoyed the experience--that is remarkable for someone who could barely maintain my composure in introducing myself to a group of 10. 
 
The experience of delivering the speech and doing a decent job was greatly satisfying and I felt very proud of myself.  But the process of preparing to give the speech was life changing for me.  The fear that I've always associated with speaking in public lost some of its power.  I can repeat this process whenever I need to--I have the tools now and more importantly--I've used the tools and the process and experienced a successful outcome.
 
My journey has been a long and painful one filled with many anxiety attacks, avoidance, and missed opportunities.  I'm not saying that I'm a great speaker (yet) and that I'm volunteering for every speaking opportunity.  But for the first time in my adult life, I'm no longer afraid.
 
Lisa M., Coach

 

 

 

 

Letting Go of the Struggle and Discovering What You Are Capable Of
 

 
I have had many clients over the years that have had breakthroughs in their experiences with speaking or performing by saying a three letter word when an opportunity came their way...YES!
 
Now, mind you, they did not say YES right off the bat. In fact, they first said a big bold NO WAY!, followed by coming up with all sorts of reasons and excuses to justify not stepping up to the challenge (especially if it wasn't a mandatory situation that they had to do).
 
After speaking with my clients about their choice, they recognized that while saying NO provided them with immediate, short-term relief, they would have to face the longer term consequence of regretting their decision to shrink and pull back from this opportunity rather than step-up and do what they knew was in their highest and best interest (as well as in the interest of others who they would be speaking to or performing for).
 
After our discussion about this, and helping them to see how their fear was grossly distorting their perceptions and leading them to see the situation as far more threatening than it really was, and to underestimate their ability to manage this challenge, they were able to DECIDE to go forward and say YES to the opportunity in front of them (one client boldly declared, "I DECIDE" when she determined not to allow her fear to make these decisions for her).
 
For many of my clients, this was a huge leap of faith and felt overwhelming at first. However, very soon after making the decision to go forward, magical things started to happen. There is a saying that the universe rewards those who take action, and I have seen this happen time and time again for those who say YES to these opportunities.
 
Once they decided to go forward, my clients quickly mobilized and took the necessary steps to prepare themselves (both content and mental preparation) and to get the support they needed (through coaching sessions, reviewing my book, listening to my CD). They began to feel increasingly trusting of themselves and confident that they can do this, even if they still felt anxious about the prospect of actually doing it. They began to gain access to their power and to discover what they are truly capable of as they connected to a deep source of determination and strength within them.
 
And each time my clients were richly rewarded for their decision to say YES! They felt a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing they chose to do what served their highest good (and the bonus was to also be appreciated by others for their contribution). They felt empowered in a profound way as they saw what they were truly capable of when they stepped up to an opportunity rather than pulled away. And they felt a distinct shift (a breakthrough) in their experience with this fear, knowing that they don't have to allow fear to dictate their decisions and they can rally and gain further power and confidence in the process of stepping up to future challenges.
 
I hope you will be inspired by the experiences of so many of my clients and say YES rather than allow your fear to make the decisions for you. Please let me know if I can help you along the way.
 

 

~ Just one more reminder: Please be sure to sign up ASAP for the next workshop planned for January 23-24, 2010 in Southbury, CT. The Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop is new and improved and ideal for anyone who has previously taken a workshop with me or anyone who has not yet done so. If you are determined to make further progress with speaking or performing in the New Year, you will not want to miss this! For more information about my workshops, visit www.performanceanxiety.com/workshop.htm.

 
~ Please let us know if you are interested in attending a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop within the coming year and what your preferences are for time of year and location so we can do some planning for future workshops. Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with this information as we will consider your interest and preferences in planning the workshop schedule up ahead.
 
~ You may be interested in listening to two brief audio segments - the first segment is of me sharing some information about my workshop (a few minutes in length) and the second segment is of my radio interview with Sally Jessie Raphael (10-12 minutes in length). Please take a few minutes to listen to one or both segments, which can be found on my home page at www.performanceanxiety.com. You will also find an audio recording of a one hour interview I did on the topic of public speaking fear and I encourage you to take some time to listen to this, as well.

~ Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receivesupport with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.