"Take a cue from your car's global positioning system. To get from point A to point B, the GPS does not need to know where you were yesterday or if you got lost three turns ago. It needs to know only where you want to go now." Ariane de Bonvoisin
Personal Note from Janet
Whatever happened to those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer? It seems like the hazy, crazy part of summer is still with us, in terms of having so much to do and being in a haze sometimes as we race against time and try to fit it all in - even the fun stuff! But what about the lazy part of summer - what ever happened to that?
If you are feeling the pressure of too much to do and not enough time to get it all done, please know you are not alone. So many of my clients have been feeling this lately, me included!
One of the things that have been consuming a great deal of my time is getting my new book ready for publication. I am happy to report that it is moving along according to schedule and should be ready sometime in August. It will be out just in time to launch you into the Fall season, when speaking and performing demands often pick up even more after a summer lull.
Stay tuned as I will be sending out some special notices so you will be one of the first to know when my book is hot off the press and ready to go!
I will also be sending a notice out about the next workshop, which is being planned for sometime in the Fall (location to be determined). I will be creating a new and improved workshop and there will be some great things in store for you, so stay tuned for this, as well! I will let you know more once the plans are finalized.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy some lazy summer days and take a much-needed break from the hazy, crazy part of life!
By the way, I do need some more Pure Inspiration stories for future newsletters so, if you have any successes you would like to share - big or small - please write to me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and tell me about your victory so your success can help inspire others. Thanks so much to all who share their stories to allow others to see what is possible!
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!
*PLEASE NOTE THAT I NEED TO GATHER SOME MORE PURE INSPIRATION STORIES FOR UPCOMING NEWSLETTERS, SO PLEASE SEND YOUR SUCCESSES ALONG ASAP (LARGE AND SMALL) SO THEY CAN BE A WRITTEN TESTIMENT OF YOUR VICTORIES AND HELP INSPIRE OTHERS AS WELL!
This email is from a coaching client who lives abroad and who I have coached on and off over the past few years when the need arises:
Dear Janet,
The speeches (on Wednesday before almost 100 people, with a repetition for a smaller group on Friday in another town), were VERY successful.
That's my paradox again: having people complimenting me for having been really brilliant and involving, without knowing that my success is not spontaneous and natural, but due to hard preparation and working before the event.
I try to summarize the keys to my success this time:
- managing to tame my doubtful mind - I followed your advice to give myself a specific, limited time to doubt, knowing that it could go on forever, but at the same time choosing to focus on what I know is better for me and on the positive outcome I want to get;
- careful preparation and rehearsing - I took half a day off work on the day before, so I could relax and work both on the content of my presentation and on my attitude, in a calm and empowering context, allowing me time to rest and to take physical exercise;
- facing the possibility of an interruption during the speech (by "Jack" - as I have named my fearful, doubting inner voice) - following your advice again, I worked on a "plan B" in case of interruption and I even rehearsed it (it was just a few lines saying: "Oh, I'm sorry, I think I lost the thread of my argument, can someone please help me get back on track?"). I didn't have to use it but I knew it was there in case of emergency.
- staying connected with the individual people, looking at them (how nice to see them attentive and nodding at me!) and building a strong rapport at the very beginning, possibly with some humor;
- listening intensively to your CD on the days before the event (usually I like to listen to track 4 in the evening, reaching a deep relaxation and hypnosis state, and to tracks 5-6-7 in the morning when I wake up: they are so empowering!);
- not lowering my guard for the second performance and rehearsing again to stay focused (a mistake I made in the past was: "OK, it's been good with so many people, so no need to rehearse again for a smaller group...", with the result of performing worse, which didn't happen this time);
- and, finally, what I believe is really essential: building a presentation I'm really proud of - something that is going to involve my audience in an interactive way and is going to let them think I carefully prepared it especially for them. That's not always possible unfortunately (topics are sometimes not so interesting...) but it can be of help just adding one slide that's original, graphically nice and creative. About this: if I use Power point I prefer "light slides", with little text and more drawings and general ideas instead (they shouldn't be a script for the speaker: I use Power point speaker notes to this purpose). Being very proud of something I am going to say is a further help vs. "Jack", because I can tell him "OK, I am afraid I could lose my thread and have to stop, but I really want to go on to show these people the original job I've been doing for them!".
- I also focused to the importance of being resilient and able to bounce back (your advice again) when "Jack" comes, knowing I can succeed in this;
- an Inderal an hour before the speech completes the recipe (but doesn't do all the job, as I experienced last year when I under-prepared a speech!...).
Everything ok then? Not really: as I wrote at the beginning, good results now stem from hard and heavy preparation. I wish I could be more easy-going, so every important event doesn't mean so much effort!
But for the time being let's savor this success, to which you contributed once again with your precious distance coaching.
Thank you for all the help dear Janet, let me know when your new book is out: I want to be one of the first readers!
Warm regards,
Marco
Technical Manager
Please write and share any successes you have with speaking or performing - large or small - as I want to continue to post your positive experiences in our Pure Inspiration column and could always use more stories of success to inspire others! Please know that your experiences will never be shared with our newsletter community unless you give me permission to do so!
Using a GPS System for Your Speaking or Performing Events
Everyone seems to love their GPS system as it directs you step-by-step on how to get from where you are now to where you want to be.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a GPS for each step along the way to reducing fear and anxiety about speaking and performing and building calm, composure, and confidence?
While the steps may not be so simple to execute as "take a right turn here" or "take a left turn there", a system of logical steps in a logical order can nonetheless be very helpful to follow.
In the coming months, I will be working on creating such a system for you - a system that will guide you in the specific steps to take BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER a speaking or performing event. I will create a system with a step-by-step process that makes sense to follow and that will lead you to your destination of having less fear and anxiety about speaking or performing and more calm, composure, and confidence.
This will not be a magic bullet, of course, and you do have to work each step to get the results you are after (similar to a GPS system - if you do not follow instructions you will not get to where you want to go)!
So, as time frees up this summer and early into the Fall, I will be working on creating a more detailed system and will unveil what I have in store for you as soon as it is ready! I am not sure what form this will take yet, though I will keep you posted once I create something that will be helpful to you.
In the meantime, I want to share a few quick tips of some things you can do BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER a speaking or performing event to get closer to where you want to be:
BEFORE a Speaking or Performing Event:
Practice being a willing spirit and letting go of any resistance you feel as soon as you learn you will be speaking or performing
Practice pausing and taking three full and deep breaths anytime you feel anxious and afraid
Get perspective by thinking beyond the event and remembering how life will go on as normal no matter how things go
DURING a Speaking or Performing Event:
Think about the saying, Go with the flow and let whatever happens be okay and try to practice the message in these words
Take the focus off yourself and remember your true purpose
Humanize the individual people in the room and try to see them for who they really are and befriend them in your mind
AFTER a Speaking or Performing Event:
Reflect upon the positives about your experience and find at least 3-5 things you can feel good about
Stay away from being self-critical and finding fault with yourself - instead, simply reflect upon a few things that you might want to improve going forward and consider how you would go about this
Acknowledge and affirm yourself for stepping up to the challenge and making the effort rather than avoiding
While there are plenty more things you can do to get yourself in a positive mindset (which I will be sharing in the upcoming GPS system), try to work these few tips and see how this can begin to move your experience of speaking or performing in the right direction.
A Few Other Things I Want to Make you Aware of:
~ Please let us know if you are interested in attending a No More Stage Fright Workshop or Refresher Course within the coming year and what your preferences are for time of year and location so we can do some planning for future workshops. Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com ASAP with this information as we will consider your interest and preferences in planning the workshop schedule up ahead. We hope to hear back from you soon!
~ You may be interested in listening to two brief audio segments - the first segment is of me sharing some information about my workshop (a few minutes in length) and the second segment is of my radio interview with Sally Jessie Raphael (10-12 minutes in length). Please take a few minutes to listen to one or both segments, which can be found by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com. You will also find on the home page an audio recording of a one hour interview I did on the topic of public speaking fear and I encourage you to take some time to listen to this, as well.
~ Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receivesupport with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.
Action Steps:
1. Use some or all of the tips I shared to help make your speaking or performing experience more positive and empowering.
2. Consider taking a No More Stage FrightWorkshopand/or having Private Coaching Sessions with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress! Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in an individual phone session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.
3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book and/or CD on www.amazon.com (and/or www.barnesandnoble.com) if you have found my book and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts!
4. Please continue to send me any feedback and suggestions throughout the year as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.
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I hope to get to speak with you sometime soon and to meet you in an upcoming workshop!!
Janet Esposito, M.S.W.
In The Spotlight
PO Box 494
Bridgewater, CT06752
860-210-1499
jesposito@performanceanxiety.com
www.performanceanxiety.com
Copyright 2009, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved
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