"I'm a big believer in persistence...what I'm confident in is that we are moving in the right direction." Barak Obama
Personal Note from Janet
Talk about persistence...I have had a powerful lesson in that virtue over the past year or so with writing my new book. It takes a huge dose of persistence to stay the course whenever we are facing any big project or challenge and to keep the focus strong and steady, even when the going gets tough at times!
And, heaven knows, we could all use a good dose of persistence as we work on dealing more effectively with this fear and keeping our focus strong and steady as we take actions to move ourselves in the right direction.
I am excited to have written a second book that I truly think will help you as much, or possibly even more, than my first book. I am very hopeful my book will be completed by the end of this summer and I am doing everything possible on my end to move things along (I am in the midst of the tedious process of doing editorial revisions...not lot of fun, though necessary to get the book in the best form possible).
Thanks to so many of you who have shown excitement about my upcoming book and an eagerness to read it once it is released. Your enthusiasm and excitement is contagious and fuels my excitement even more!
I have changed the title a number of times based on comments I received and my own thoughts about what would be the best title to capture the interest and attention of my ideal readers who will find much value in reading my book.
I will let the cat out of the bag and let you know my current working title. I welcome any comments on this title - pro or con - if you are willing to take a moment to share your thoughts.
So, here it is: Getting Over Stage Fright - A New Approach to Resolving Your Fear of Public Speaking or Performing. Chances are this will be the title that sticks this time...though who knows, I might change it one last time before the book goes to print if I get inspired by an even better title.
I also want to send a resounding thanks to those of you who filled out my survey. If you have not yet completed the survey, please take a few moments to do so now by visiting: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=5kuf4gvQiIgZ0PP9i_2feV_2bw_3d_3d.
It has been very helpful to hear what you have to say and I will continue to review your responses and do the best that I can to provide products and services to meet your needs. I always welcome feedback along the way, so don't be shy about writing me in the future if you have something you want to share.
One Final Thing - I hope you will consider joining me and other kindred souls in Chicago the weekend of May 30th for my upcoming No More Stage Fright workshop! Please see www.performanceanxiety.com/chicago_workshop.htm for more details on this powerful live event. You will get lots of coaching, support, and hands-on opportunities to practice building skill in resolving your speaking or performing fear and building confidence and trust in yourself in this area. Please sign up as soon asyou can as we are soon nearing our deadline for confirming with the hotel that the event is, indeed, on and we need to know how many are planning to attend. I do hope to get the opportunity to work with you personally at the upcoming workshop!
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!
*** PLEASE NOTE THAT I NEED TO GATHER SOME MORE PURE INSPIRATION STORIES FOR UPCOMING NEWSLETTERS, SO PLEASE SEND YOUR SUCCESSES ALONG ASAP SO THEY CAN BE A WRITTEN TESTIMENT TO YOUR EFFORTS AND HELP INSPIRE OTHERS AS WELL!
This email is from a coaching client who was reflecting on his progress in better managing his fear of public speaking, as well as the personal growth he has experienced since stepping up to deal with this challenge:
Over a number of years growing up, I grew less comfortable with public speaking. This was not always the case, in fact, there were times in college and in some of my early jobs, when I felt perfectly fine speaking, and actually enjoyed the excitement and rewards of sharing thoughts before a large group.
At the same time, there were moments when I'd feel less comfortable speaking, and would occasionally not be as involved or engaged. This could actually be with smaller groups, such as a dinner party with 10 to 12 people, or in a meeting, with 20 or 30 people. While I didn't always feel uncomfortable, at the same time, I tended to fade into the woodwork in these settings, even when I knew I had something relevant to share with those groups.
Still, for many years, I just had a vague sense of my anxiety, and my usual response was simply to disengage, which I didn't necessarily think of as a bad thing. I also seemed not to enjoy conference calls where large numbers were on the phone. In cases where I would be called upon to make a speech of some sort, such as a toast at a wedding, or possibly in a work-related event, these events became more difficult and caused ever greater anxiety in the days leading up to them.
The main symptoms were a tightness in the throat, which would make it difficult to speak clearly, and a racing mind, which would make it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand and articulate as well as I know I can. I came to realize that whatever this "issue" was it was getting worse, and arguably was having an impact on my career. I don't think it ever actually hurt my career, but I also think if I had been more involved or engaged or pro-active in such settings, that it likely could have helped my career--as has been the case more recently from becoming more comfortable with speaking through my work with Janet.
Through our work, I've been able to develop some tactics and strategies for coping with the anxiety when it is triggered. I try to remember to accept the anxiety, embrace it, let it wash over you, realizing you'll do fine even if you feel anxious. Having a sense of humor about it can also help - not taking yourself so seriously. I also try to remember how relatively unimportant whatever it is that I am doing. Things can seem so important-but in the big picture, they are not something worth getting so uptight about and worrying over.
I am now able to speak out more in social settings and I am more willing to accept invitations to speak. I'm still not the most vocal person in these groups, perhaps that's more to do with my personality, but I do feel more comfortable in them, and in sharing my thoughts. I don't give speeches everyday but I don't "run away" from them when the opportunities arise. I try to see the fun in doing them, even if they might not be that much fun.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, our work led to some deeper exploration into why I felt the anxiety, which opened doors long closed about my relationship with my family, how I perceived myself, leading to how I could constructively think about some of these things in a different and healthier way. In the end, the greatest accomplishment in all this has been to feel content with myself, comfortable in my own skin, not superficially but for real. And that makes standing up and talking to people pretty easy.
Charles W., Journalist
Please write and share any successes you have with speaking or performing - large or small - as I want to continue to post your positive experiences in our Pure Inspiration column and could always use more stories of success to inspire others! Please know that your experiences will never be shared with our newsletter community unless you give me permission to do so!
Standing By You
I was recently reading an article by a well-respected author and speaker. She had been talking with a friend years ago about her fear of negative judgment whenever speaking in public, which led her to feel more anxious and inhibited in fully expressing herself.
The friend gave her some sage advice, letting her know that the bigger issue was not the audience's reaction but her own negative reaction toward herself. She explained that the self-criticism and negative judgment that we often give to ourselves after a talk (or performance) is the one that has the most power to hurt our confidence and trust in ourselves.
This speaker took her friend's advice to heart. What she learned to do for herself before and after every presentation or media appearance was to remind herself, "Regardless of what happens, I will stand by you, I promise." She imagined these words penetrating deep in her heart, allowing her to distance from the harsh inner critic. This made a big difference for her and allowed her to feel more relaxed being herself in front of an audience.
Lately I have been hearing more and more from professional speakers that being authentic as a speaker (or performer) is the key to being effective with your audience. To be able to do this, we need to learn to accept and appreciate ourselves and be willing to show the audience who we really are, rather than trying to be someone or something we are not. There is an amazing freedom in learning to be more comfortable in your own skin in front of an audience and being authentically you when speaking or performing in public.
To do this, we must quiet the inner judge and critic - the part of us that finds fault with ourselves or gets frustrated and disappointed in ourselves if we are not meeting up to some ideal standard or image of how we think we should be. Instead, we need to fully and unconditionally stand by ourselves as we would do for a beloved friend or child.
When we know we can count on ourselves to be our biggest ally and supporter, no matter what, there is little to fear about how others may judge us and little to fear about being who we truly are in front of an audience.
A Few Other Things I Want to Make you Aware of:
~ Please let us know if you are interested in attending a No More Stage Fright Workshop or Refresher Course within the coming year and what your preferences are for time of year and location so we can do some planning for future workshops. Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com ASAP with this information as we will consider your interest and preferences in planning the workshop schedule up ahead. We hope to hear back from you soon!
~ You may be interested in listening to two brief audio segments - the first segment is of me sharing some information about my workshop (a few minutes in length) and the second segment is of my radio interview with Sally Jessie Raphael (10-12 minutes in length). Please take a few minutes to listen to one or both segments, which can be found by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com. You will also find on the home page an audio recording of a one hour interview I did on the topic of public speaking fear and I encourage you to take some time to listen to this, as well.
~ Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receivesupport with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.
Action Steps:
1. Practice persistence in working toward resolving your fear of public speaking or performing. Each step you take that moves you in the right direction counts and adds up to bigger results over time. Try not to be frustrated when this challenge seems daunting and progress seems slow (think about how long it will take to turn this economy around and, relative to this, your challenge may not feel quite as burdensome)!
2. Practice Standing By You, no matter what! Once you trust you can count on yourself to be your own best supporter, you will be less fearful of criticism and judgment. Also practice being authentic as you speak or perform and you will be less fearful of not measuring up to some ideal standard in your mind.
3. Consider taking a No More Stage Fright Workshop and/or having a Private Coaching Session with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress! Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in an individual phone session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.
4. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book and/or CD on www.amazon.com (and/or www.barnesandnoble.com) if you have found my book and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts.
5. Please continue to send me any feedback and suggestions throughout the year as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.
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I hope to get to speak with you sometime soon and to meet you in an upcoming workshop - hopefully the one coming up in May!!
Janet Esposito, M.S.W.
In The Spotlight
PO Box 494
Bridgewater, CT06752
860-210-1499
jesposito@performanceanxiety.com
www.performanceanxiety.com
Copyright 2009, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved
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